10 Things Southern Charm 's Cameran Eubanks Wishes Someone Told Her About Motherhood

I was skeptical about having a baby and all my friends were like, my God you have to do it. It's the best thing ever. Do it. And then I did it and I'm like, they just want people to be miserable with them you know? But, it's not miserable for long. Like doing a movie wrong. I would not give her back. [MUSIC] I am a new mother with a sweet baby Almost nine month old girl Palmer. Her are 10 things that I wish someone had told me about motherhood. First of all, I wish somebody would have told me that I didn't need to pack my whole house to go to the hospital. I had everything, you name it. I have the aroma therapy for the room. I had my little monogram of the robe. And you know what I used? And my toothbrush. I didn't use a damn thing. Number 2, I wish somebody told me that I was going to become a baby myself. Not only would my child be wearing a diaper, but I would be wearing a diaper as well. Yeah, I'm looking at Kate Middleton coming down the stairs in her heels and her hose, and her hair done. And I'm thinking that's gonna be me walking out with my baby [MUSIC] That's a crock of [NOISE]. Kate was wearing a diaper for sure. God bless her. It was probably a royal diaper. It wasn't a Depends like I had on. Shout out to Depends, you can sponsor me. Number three, I knew that there was postpartum hair loss but I didn't know that it was to the extent where it would literally like clog the drain. Thank God I found this Line of products called Keranique that has really helped with my hair. I was not prepared that I was gonna start shedding like a dog. It's great. Number four, I've never had boobs my entire life, but when I got pregnant, I had had melons. Nobody tells you that, when the milk goes away, you know, it is just tea bag city. It is so sad. You are left with these deflated, just, ugh. Number five, I was not prepared for the surge of these feelings that I had never had. There were days when I would literally cry to my husband and say, ' my God God, why did we do this? We had a great life! We used to sleep! And I would get mad at him because he really is the one that got me pregnant. Of course, they've gone now. Thank God. Number 6, I was not prepared that I would be so overprotective of my daughter. The first few weeks I would not let anybody in my house, I didn't wanna go anywhere, I was like Like a hermit. You go from having this baby living inside of you and they feel protected, and they all of a sudden they're outside of you and you have such a loss of control. Number seven, I was not prepared that I would be so exhausted. I remember the next day when we were leaving, I couldn't even walk. I was so weak and I had to be in a wheelchair, so I was not prepared for that. Number 8, I was not aware that I would have this weird, superhuman power of, if I'm in public and you When you hear a baby cry, guess what? Your boobs are going to leak milk. And I remember the first time I went to Target by myself, felt like a vacation. A baby started crying. And you all, it was like fire hose just, I mean, I remember I had a gray tank top. And there was nothing I could do. There was nothing I can do. I'm like, My God Joe, do I go buy something, what do I do? And then I had a cart full a stuff and so I just, went in that line, and I mean it was. Number 9, I didn't know That I could get away with having less baby products. I bought three different contraptions that you put in a shopping cart. One that draped across it, one that went in the little thing, and then like a sling type thing, and never ended up using one of them. So, yeah. You don't need to buy a lot of stuff. Number 10, I'm not a believer in the whole organic movement. It's okay if you're not organic because guess what, your kids gonna eat poop and probably a roach or two and your kids gonna eat McDonald's one day and all of this organic crap your trying to shove down your kids throat, it's a complete waste of time and money, okay? Okay, because Whole Foods is expensive. Obviously, everybody says you have unconditional love for a child, but it's not until you really, really become a parent that you will never love anything more than your child. Older people say, just wait til you have kids, you're not gonna understand, that is 100% The truth, you don't really get it until you become a mom. It's a wonderful thing and it's a weird thing and it's a scary thing. But guess what, people have been doing it since the beginning of time. These have been And the ten things that I wish people had told me prior to having a baby, and hopefully they will help you, maybe if you're wondering whether or not to have a baby. I say go for it, cause I'm done.

“It’s a wonderful thing, and it’s a weird thing, and it’s a scary thing,” says Southern Charm’s Cameran Eubanks in a new video about motherhood for InStyle. And that’s nice and all, but just before that, the mom to 9-month-old baby Palmer dropped 10 revelations that I thought were covered in the motherhood bylaws as topics never to be spoken about aloud.

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Eubanks says she was unprepared for the level of exhaustion she experienced after giving birth, which I'm pretty sure someone would have warned her about. She was also surprised by the fact that her boobs leaked milk when any baby cried nearby: the icing on the poop cake of that delirious, first post-birth outing. (By the way, “Your kid’s gonna eat poop,” according to Eubanks.) For each of those “yeah, we know” confessions, she shares a revelation that, as a mom, I feel breaks the code of stoic martyrdom to which we have all consigned. Like, for example, since when are we allowed to talk about the fact that half of us are walking around with used teabags for tits now? “It is just teabag city,” Eubanks says, telling on pretty much anyone who’s ever breastfed. “It is so sad: You are left with these deflated, just, ugh.”

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She also blows the lid off of the real reason moms are so excited about other women’s pregnancy announcements: “They just want you to be miserable with them,” she says, literally sneering into the camera at anyone who dared squeal “OMG, yay!” at the news of an impending baby. Then she pauses for a second, and considers her daughter Palmer before conceding, “I wouldn’t give her back.”

Watch the video above for her full countdown; the weird, superhuman power that motherhood has given her; and which aspect of Kate Middleton’s birth story she calls “a crock of shit.” (It has to do with diapers. The adult kind.)