Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively just seem like one of those golden couples in Hollywood. That's literally golden, BTW, thanks to their glorious hair, bronzed skin, and perfect teeth. When these two red-carpet mainstays procreated, surely they produced beautiful children who never throw tantrums at the grocery store or puke into their shoes, right?
Apparently not. Reynolds regularly extols and laments the experience of fatherhood on his Twitter feed, in between promotion of his film projects and retweets of Lively's latest appearances (awwww). He depicts a family life that is far from perfect, but very, very funny. To wit:
What's better than a 12 hour drive with a screaming 1 year old? Not including hepatitis.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 2, 2016
After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 14, 2016
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
In that vein, he often jokes about how much easier life was before babies...
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
Tip: It's important parents take little "time outs" for themselves too. Even if you feel pretty guilty when you return 14 years later.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 3, 2016
Finding quality "me" time. Or explaining why Stalin is in hell. 1 yr olds are pretty dumb, so pictures help. https://t.co/cFP0HlDluJ- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 30, 2016
He depicts a surrealist world of infants who are wise and powerful beyond their years.
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
My infant daughter's traumatized for life. 50 Shades of Grey = Worst fucking coloring book ever.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 17, 2016
They should call "fighting pits" something else because my baby just plays with the other babies.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 16, 2016
Proud of my baby daughter placing last in her old-timey, bare-knuckle street fighting class. Congrats to her 31 year old opponent, Rick.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 7, 2016
10. And occasionally doles out parenting advice or fresh perspective.
It's important kids eat 5 servings of vegetables daily. Even if childhood is just a dress-rehearsal for extraordinary adult suffering.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 29, 2016
Ask your doctor if you qualify for an extension. A 4th, possibly even 5th trimester can be very peaceful for the father. Congrats. https://t.co/CTdyI66in3- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 11, 2016
Jokes on you. We're not teaching her to read. Boom. https://t.co/gwGgx7pNQQ- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
This morning, my daughter said, "quiche" which means she's smart, hungry and an asshole.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 21, 2016
While sometimes he seems as dark as his Deadpool character...
My daughter just sneezed into my yawning mouth. Seemed really fucking pleased with herself. Joke's on her. She'll have to bury me someday.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) April 16, 2016
Totally caved and tossed my daughter the keys to the car. She looked really happy as they bounced off her tiny infant face.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 12, 2016
I watched Frozen without my two year old this morning. Despair reveals itself in many forms.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2016
Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 10, 2016
...it seems like he's ultimately a very warm, present, and loving dad.
Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.- Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) December 16, 2015
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