23 Ex-Husbands And Wives Confessed Their Divorce Stories, And Honestly, You Can't Help But Root For Them
Reddit user bakedn8er asked the men of the community, "Why are you divorced?"
They were extremely vulnerable, and weren't afraid to confess their deeply heartbreaking stories.
You know who else had it bad? Women. They also shared their intense divorce experiences, proving marriage is disappointing for everyone involved.
So, here are some valid reasons why both women and men divorced their significant others:
Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic abuse and body-shaming. Please proceed with caution.
1."We were separated due to his repeated infidelity, but working on getting back together and restoring trust. At dinner, I was just about to ask him to move back in but something told me to check his phone. A woman had messaged him that week asking if I was his wife/if he was married, and he said 'no.' Something in me broke, and I realized he would never change — he would always be a liar and a cheater. He was still entertaining women while begging me to take him back and promising to do better. I decided that was the last time I was going to let myself be punched in the gut by his betrayal. It was hard, but it was the right choice, and I’m now happily re-married!"
2."My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive. I responded by retreating emotionally, which made her even more upset. Divorce was the best thing. I have zero tolerance for partners who are emotionally or verbally abusive now. It’s amazing how many people can’t stop themselves from yelling or being mean when they’re angry."
3."It was right after my dad died. The day my dad’s ashes were delivered, he came home and told me I was ruining his life because I was 'sad all the time.' Then, during my dad’s funeral, he said he was only there because he had to be and that he would much rather be somewhere else. He spent the night after the funeral bar hopping with a woman he’d had a crush on, leaving me at home alone. A few days later, he said that I had to let him sleep with other people or else he was going to file for divorce. So, I filed instead. Easiest decision of my life."
4."She was a horrible partner. She's a nice person, but she didn’t respect my opinions and wishes. If I had a complaint about something, she treated me like I was a 'typical man' and would just brush me off. After years of this, the resentment had built so much that I fell out of love with her. I had tried for several years to get her to go to marriage counseling, and she would always push back and say I was 'overreacting.' I even told her that if we didn’t work on things, we would be divorced one day, and she always treated my concerns like I was just being unreasonable, even though I was sincerely trying to work on our relationship as a team and partnership. When we split, she then tried to get us into marriage counseling, but it was too late. The damage had been done."
5."A nurse in the hospital said to me, 'I think you're afraid of him. We can ban him from coming to the hospital.' It sounded so nice of her to say. I immediately started crying and nodding. She brought me some printed material from the local women's shelter, and one page was labeled 'abuse checklist.' There was a short paragraph that I skipped, then a list of '20 hallmarks of abuse.' I got to the end of the list and felt weird because I only checked off 18 out of 20, so I wasn't being abused. Then I went back and read the paragraph I skipped, and it said, 'If any single one of these is happening to you, you are being abused.' I knew right then I would never go back home."
6."When, during an argument, he told me my feelings didn’t matter. I told him how much it hurt me, and instead of apologizing, I just got an 'I didn’t mean it' from him. He was proud of the fact that in 17 years, he had never apologized to me. I walked out two years ago. It’s been hard, but I’m coming out the other side now and still regret not having walked out sooner. I grew up with the 'you made your bed, so you got to lie in it' notion being told to me. I thought I had to stay come hell or high water."
7."My ex-wife and I had consistent and persistent communication breakdowns and compatibility issues. Both she and I needed a chance to find someone who could give the other what they needed in terms of communication and affection in a relationship. So, divorce was the answer. No children were subjected to custody issues, thank heaven. I would've avoided the marriage completely if I had a little more knowledge about how to build healthy relationships and knew I needed some therapy. Her business is her business, and I won't share further. She remarried recently, and I'm still looking."
8."She was unemployed when we met, and I took care of her during law school. She made the right friends and made the right moves. I supported her every step of the way. I put my career on hold so she could travel while I took care of our children. We moved to the west coast. It took me a few months, but I found work in my field while she made the executive board of a tech company. I was so happy for her. Then she told me she wanted a divorce. She said she deserved to be with an 'achiever,' that I had been holding her back all these years, and our children will be happy with a dad who has accomplished something. I thought we were happy. I didn't realize nothing mattered to her but her career. I was just a means to that end."
9."I was eight and a half months pregnant and told him my blood pressure was high and I was at risk of preeclampsia (again). I asked him not to do anything to upset me or stress me for the remainder of the pregnancy. I told him my life was at risk and the baby's life was at risk. He said he understood. But then he stole money from my bank account three days later. When I asked what he had done with my money, his words were verbatim, 'Wouldn't you like to know.' He'd been awful to me the entire pregnancy, but I thought learning about my actual delicate condition would make him stop. It didn't."
"I realized this was his way of telling me he did not care if I was alive or dead (as well as our baby). I realized that if a man treats you this way when you're eight and a half months pregnant with his child, this never ever ends. He'll treat you this way even if you have cancer.
I asked for a divorce when the baby was one month old. 10 years and nine days ago today."
10."My ex-wife no longer loved me. It took years for me to figure this out and come to grips with it. The worst part of it was she knew that she didn’t love me, but she wanted to stay married. I said so many times that we should think about divorce and she was so shocked and refused. I mistook that as she wanted to work on it. We never spent any time together, we didn’t text, and we slept in separate rooms. She quit going to gatherings on my side of the family. I would have to guilt her into doing ANYTHING with me, and she usually would cancel at the last minute. Being married to someone who doesn’t love you is so much worse than being lonely. I dragged her to marriage counseling, and it was there I realized how fucked up our relationship was and how I had normalized it. She didn’t participate at all, but it really opened my eyes and started my path to healing."
"The divorce sucked. We just finalized it all two years later. She acted surprised when I gave her the paperwork even though I had told her face-to-face a dozen times or more.
My tolerance for people treating me poorly has vanished. I met some women who had some flags for that and politely ended it. I was going to be 100% myself and not feel guilty about it or try to make things better by self-sacrificing. I eventually met the most wonderful lady and have never been more in love and respected. It feels amazing.
In the end I had two choices that were both hard, but I made the right one."
11."There was never any peace. She came from a family that was constantly arguing or mad at each other but thought they were the 'perfect' family. They always had to be working on some project and never relaxed. Everyone else was constantly criticized. Eventually, the intimacy was gradually withdrawn, and the noise of complaints replaced them."
12."Our marriage counselor asked us to set a regular date night, one day a week where we'd do something special together to reconnect. My ex-husband could never pick a day. I offered to make any day work that was good for him, but he straight-up said, 'What if something better comes up on that day?' I didn't give up. I reassured him that we could reschedule as needed if things came up on our date night that he'd rather do. He still couldn't commit, got this deer-in-the-headlights look, and refused to schedule even one day to spend with me. It was almost funny how scared he looked — the only time I can remember him feeling fear instead of instigating it."
"But it really drove home to me that he saw me as his absolute lowest priority, and the sad thing was, in that moment, I realized I'd made myself my lowest priority, too.
The counselor and I had a good, long look at each other, and neither of us had to say a word. We both knew it was over. It took a little longer to convince my ex that I was serious, though."
13."I [actually] knew the day we got married. On our way back down the aisle, when people were leaning out of their pews saying ‘smile’ to me, I just wanted to cry. It was the worst year and nine months of my life. I had to get away. He gaslit and lied to me for eight years before we got married. I had no self-worth, and three months before we got married, when I said I didn’t think we should get married, he said, ‘I can’t be bothered to find anyone else, and you’ll NEVER find anyone else.' I'm glad I escaped."
14."I foolishly directed my main priority on my work, putting my family's needs second. Initially, I wholeheartedly believed I was doing it all for my family — a better home and better schools for my children. In the end, I learned that it wasn't as I had thought. It somehow became about my ego, wealth, and standing in the community."
15."We got married too young. Neither of us was mature enough — when we had a baby, things just got worse between us (arguing and bickering all the time). We didn't know how to talk things through and work on it. I didn't want our son growing up with yelling matches around him, so we split up for his sake. We've remained civil towards each other — there were no courts or lawyers involved. I pay child support, and she splits the airfare for me to fly him to see me during school holidays."
16."When his girlfriend got pregnant (we didn't have an open marriage, so I didn't know about the girlfriend). This was during the time our one-year-old daughter was recovering from a major surgery. He was a jerk."
17."Nine years married, one house, no kids, and many attempts on my part to address the issues in our marriage. I moved into the guest room after more than a year of zero intimacy. Three months later, I asked him why he never asked about me moving into the guest room or even attempted to discuss our marriage. He just got frustrated that I even brought it up. I responded by saying I'd never bring it up again and hired a divorce lawyer the next day. Easiest decision I've ever made, but only after many years of frustration, depression, and self-doubt. 10/10 would do again — my only regret is not divorcing him sooner."
18."My ex-wife was fiscally irresponsible to the point of us almost being without a home. She also forged my name on a loan that still follows me to this day. Ten years later, I'm a homeowner, have some retirement savings and a decent nest egg, and she's still living paycheck to paycheck. I made the right decision."
19."We divorced after 13 years of marriage through some help from relationship therapy. We discovered that while we loved each other (not being madly in love), we needed to be with totally different people. I needed someone who would let me be the adventurous, risk-taking person I am, while she needed someone who made her feel secure. We are lifelong friends because we trust each other after so many years of shared experiences. In the 30 years since the divorce, she moved politically from the center to the right, and I moved from the center to somewhere on the left, so we avoid those topics out of respect for each other. We both feel we are lucky."
20."He was finally home after several weeks working on the road. He had gained about 75 pounds that year. In the middle of having sex, he rolled over and said, 'You're just 'too fat' to fuck anymore.' My weight had not changed in two years."
21."My ex-husband begged me to stay with him after cheating. I went through some therapy and decided to try to work through it. He told me that if I ever cheated on him, he would leave me. I was done as soon as that sentence left his mouth."
22."My wife was very cool when I met her, with similar interests and a lot of charisma. However, she could be cruel and lack empathy, and it eventually turned out she had lied and was still lying about huge sections of her life. She lied about her upbringing, qualifications, and more. She pretended to have 'friends' when they were actually her — she was conducting a secret imaginary life on social media. Then, she started having online affairs (the whole thing was a lot wilder than this, but these are the highlights)."
23.And finally, "We could not agree on how to discipline our children. She would nag at the kids constantly and never give a consequence. Then, when she had enough, she would come to me. For years, I told her she was enabling their behavior, and they would continue to do it because they had no reason not to misbehave. As soon as I moved out, I established clear expectations — it was tough for a few weeks. There weren't issues at first, but now she tries to say that it's because they are scared of me. But they aren't afraid of me — they are afraid of the consequences of their actions."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
