35 Funny Tweets From The Week Because Even Though Nothing Really Fazes Me Anymore, I Desperately Need A Laugh
Last week, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare was fatally shot by a man who fled on a bicycle, Spotify Wrapped was released, and Barry Keoghan and Sabrina Carpenter reportedly broke up. It was an eventful week on the internet, to say the least.
everything is getting bad again pic.twitter.com/AiQO4sl2hF
— alex (@abjortia) December 8, 2024
Bravo / @abjortia / Via Twitter: @abjortia
Now that we have that context, here are all the funniest tweets from the week:
1.
sorry to the cvs worker for making it awkward when i asked you where the contact solution was and you said i don’t know and started briskly walking around i didn’t realize you were running away from me for multiple aisles i thought you were gonna help me look 💔
— j*sh o’conn*r propagandist (@SPLENDOR1999) December 4, 2024
2.
You know, Barry Keoghan isn’t the first man to betray a Carpenter. Let’s open up to John 13:21…
— Jack ⚓️ (@jrbrownfield) December 5, 2024
3.
not to self diagnose but i think i have the christmas spirit
— via (@atrophicbtrfly) December 8, 2024
4.
This is possibly the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me pic.twitter.com/XLlNFJSpep
— megan (@neckdeepslive) December 4, 2024
@neckdeepslive / Spotify / WaterTower Music / Via Twitter: @neckdeepslive
5.
pondering this latke recipe tea towel from the CVS hanukkah shelf. 45 potatoes and 1 onion. pic.twitter.com/s7T5cUNTGi
— multitude🔻container (@lllliatttt) December 3, 2024
6.
my mother's ozempic tree....... pic.twitter.com/LcvlZNxcLG
— jae stephens (@jaephens) December 3, 2024
7.
"giddy up jingle horse, pick up your feet" sounds like something a homophobic gym teacher would say
— jonnie (@milkywhitetits) December 7, 2024
8.
9.
I thought this was Greenland https://t.co/pk2TIuQ9Ec
— yammi (@sighyam) December 6, 2024
10.
i miss calling ur friends on landlines. there was something special about having to talk to someone u feared (ur friends mom) before talking to someone u want to jump on the trampoline with (ur friend)
— chase (@_chase_____) December 3, 2024
11.
i hate to agree with the old heads but it really is the phones like 😭 no one is well
— alex ☆ (@okagalex) December 7, 2024
12.
not the time, iphone pic.twitter.com/EwgyYd4pb4
— tate (@50FirstTates) December 3, 2024
13.
oh shit i forgot about the Fog that Kills Boys https://t.co/t6XTf2WSuz
— mads (@madsagascar) December 7, 2024
14.
imagine explaining this to someone in the 1970's https://t.co/IV29F0UBM0
— sona (@swiftlydunphy) December 3, 2024
15.
why is ending a bath so awkward........like ok i guess i'm done now time to stand up
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) December 5, 2024
16.
Cause women who are 5’9 aren’t lying lol https://t.co/50Jbqn4dkN
— ivy (@__Poisonivyyy) December 4, 2024
17.
[Lying awake in bed at 11 PM] Tomorrow I’m going to change completely
— pris (@pwiscila) December 5, 2024
18.
ughhhhh I didn't fix my entire life this weekend FUCK
— liz (@lizboyfanclub) December 8, 2024
19.
this diva pic.twitter.com/CZ23G6Kpyu
— irene. (@pascalcoded) December 6, 2024
20.
just realized vienna waits for me. pic.twitter.com/CMk9b8ezbf
— lore (@loressocool) December 4, 2024
Hulu / @loressocool / Via Twitter: @loressocool
21.
you could be losing your mind and here comes your friend sending you a tiktok. ain’t nothing funny today.
— ʎʞɔnl (@CELE6RITY) December 4, 2024
22.
This map is very helpful https://t.co/A0gLA0T18f
— Scott Gairdner (@scottgairdner) December 6, 2024
NYPD / @scottgairdner / @PopCrave / Via Twitter: @scottgairdner
23.
I’ve started rejecting all cookies instead of accepting them. Idek what it means but I’ve had enough
— AMBRR (@ambrr_wav) December 7, 2024
24.
The way this image has become my standard reaction to everything that happens now pic.twitter.com/WUZGuCTVGN
— jon (@prasejeebus) December 4, 2024
@jemima_jo_kirke / @prasejeebus / Via Twitter: @prasejeebus
25.
if i saw a wizard casting a spell i wouldnt even give a fuck
— merry alien (@fastestUFO) December 7, 2024
26.
fell to my knees when the restaurant brought me my diet coke pic.twitter.com/D6znLsB67b
— skooks (@skooookum) December 7, 2024
27.
i kinda love being hungover like waking up and talking to myself like a governor in a disaster zone. We Will Rebuild
— charlie (@chunkbardey) December 7, 2024
28.
Making toddlers lipsync for their lives https://t.co/v5VooGgxFG
— Timothy (@deliclit) December 8, 2024
29.
just watched someone’s story 14 seconds after it was posted pic.twitter.com/F69UtEX2wP
— yusuke (@juanvenchy) December 6, 2024
30.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 this rlly how it be walking out the theater @ 1am. No workers in sight. they basically leave you to lock up the place https://t.co/v59GvQEKVM
— 🏳️ (@niadevonnie) December 6, 2024
HBO / @niadevonnie / Via Twitter: @niadevonnie
31.
Asked a patient with one (1) arm which side we were doing the blood test on yesterday pic.twitter.com/XJRbKtXGoZ
— 3’ 🇵🇸/🇨🇩/🇸🇩 (@JosefCookz) December 6, 2024
32.
kim kardashian finna step out in them https://t.co/cNg8Q5NW7Y
— ًً (@girlsonfillm) December 8, 2024
MGM / @girlsonfillm / Via Twitter: @girlsonfillm
33.
its unfortunate that nobody's ever figured out what to do when life gives you lemons https://t.co/NiGTpusNcE
— naturgeschichtlich (@la_leere) December 8, 2024
34.
imagine your edible kicking in as soon as you reach this part of this exhibit https://t.co/PhE2Ez0liB
— big cp 🪩💋🥂 (@theBKbelle) December 7, 2024
@gabrielleeeruth / @theBKbelle / Via Twitter: @theBKbelle
35.
(Measuring the tomb with a candy cane yard stick) Yep this is santa alright https://t.co/3CkMcAHwQl
— Cameron Bradford (@camerobradford) December 6, 2024
DHA / @DailyTurkic / @camerobradford / Via Twitter: @camerobradford
For more funny tweets, feel free to check out our most recent roundups (and don't forget to shoot these creators a follow if you like their tweets!):
19 Funny Tweets From The Week To Keep You Laughing Until Christmas
