43 thoughts I had while watching 'Baywatch'

‘Baywatch’ is in theatres now.
‘Baywatch’ is in theatres now.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

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  1. Yes, this is exactly the opening I wanted – Dwayne in action like 30 seconds in!

  2. He really is an ocean king.

  3. Priyanka making sex eyes at Dwayne – I see you, girl.

  4. Oooh, “Baywatch” slow-mo run and we’re only five minutes in! There’s no way this swimsuit is functional on this woman.

  5. FIRST ZAC SIGHTING! His shirt is on though, which confuses me?

  6. These swimsuits are completely non-functional. As if you could save lives in one of those.

  7. Ok, I find it highly unlikely someone gets an erection from receiving the Heimlich maneuver – but I don’t have those parts, so what do I know?

  8. And now his erection… is caught in the chair??

  9. This bit has been going on way too long. No more penis, please.

  10. I wonder how Ryan Lochte feels about this.

  11. Priyanka is serving some major evil sex goddess vibes.

  12. Ok, her boobs would’ve popped out of that suit by now, surely.

  13. So many muscles in slow-mo.

  14. OH SWEET JESUS we’re at the obstacle course that all those pics came from earlier in the year.

  15. This is literally just a thirst trap. This scene has no other merit than to provoke thirst. And I’m not complaining.

  16. OMG Dwayne just called Zac “Hey, ‘High School Musical.’” Go Wildcats!

  17. Zac holding onto a shirtless Dwayne on a jet ski is everything.

  18. K, but given the budget of this thing, they could have done a little better on the graphics.

  19. First laugh in the theatre – police officer called Zac a “blue eyed demon.”

  20. …There’s a baby crying somewhere in this theatre…

  21. Priyanka in that mint dress! She is flawless. But her character is a little lacking.

  22. Why is Dwayne wearing slippers at Priyanka’s super fancy party??

  23. I know I shouldn’t be critiquing this hard, but the team’s investigative skills into this drug situation are super lacking.

  24. Aww, this heart to heart. Dwayne and Zac’s bromance is adorable.

  25. Girl you don’t just throw gold medals into the ocean!

  26. Oh, more investigative digging that makes little sense.

  27. That was a really poor blind joke about Stevie Wonder.

  28. OMG there’s a PENIS.

  29. Eww I know it’s synthetic but this scene is a bit much.

  30. Zac, you’re still beautiful with necrotic fat dripping into your face.

  31. To be fair, I would also listen to the telepathy of Dwayne’s balls.

  32. Zac in drag is a bit much… maybe unnecessary?

  33. Ok, this movie needs to pick up.

  34. Wow this David Hasselhoff cameo was beyond weird.

  35. So the files Zac needed were conveniently RIGHT THERE on the cops desk?? K.

  36. How dare you try and kill Zac?!

  37. Priyanka’s highlighter while holding Zac at gunpoint is on point.

  38. Oh, of course there’s a big red button to save the day.

  39. I wonder if sea urchins actually get you high like that? I feel like that would be more common knowledge.

  40. Aw, that kiss was cuter than I expected it to be.

  41. YASS Pam Anderson, slaying the beach in six inch heels.

  42. Zac running off screen in slow-mo is the perfect way to end this.

  43. Zac ❤

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