Ariana Grande Says This Year Has Been 'One of the Best' of Her Career and the 'Worst' in Her Life
Ariana Grande is taking the good with the bad.
The “No Tears Left to Cry” singer, 25, was honored at Thursday night’s Billboard’s Women in Music event, where she was presented with the prestigious Woman of the Year award.
During her acceptance speech, Grande struggled to hold back tears as she touched upon her very tumultuous year, which included the death of her ex-boyfriend Mac Miller and her whirlwind failed romance with Pete Davidson.
“I want to say that I find it interesting that this has been one of the best years of my career and the worst of my life,” she said. “I’m not saying that for sympathy, I’m just saying that because I think a lot of people would look at someone in my position right now…and think, ‘She’s really got her s— together,’ Ya know? Like, ‘She’s really on it.’ Like, ‘She’s got it all.’ “
Grande continued: “I do, but as far as my personal life goes, I really have no idea what the f— I’m doing so yeah, it’s been a very conflicting one.”
Grande and Miller, 26, dated for two years before officially calling it quits in May. Shortly after the pair ended things, Grande and Davidson, 25, began dating. They were engaged less than two months later.
But Grande’s newfound relationship bliss was short-lived when Miller was found dead in September after an accidental overdose. As she struggled to cope with the loss of her ex, her whirlwind romance with Davidson also ended, with the pair calling off their engagement in October.
“I just want to say if you’re someone out there who has no idea what this next chapter’s gonna bring, you’re not alone in that,” Grande continued, fighting back tears. “Ew, I’m not gonna cry that’s really stupid… You’re not alone in that. I’m really looking forward to embracing whatever happens; whatever comes my way.”
Finishing her speech, Grande opened up about her plans for 2019 and revealed what she’s has learned throughout her difficult year — including a new approach to love and relationships.
“I look forward to hopefully learning to give some of the love and forgiveness that I’ve given away so frivolously and easily to men in the past to myself hopefully this year,” she said. “I have everything I’ve ever dreamt of having and as of late I’ve discovered that it’s the things I’ve always had and the people I’ve always had that still make me the happiest.”
Leaning on her friends and family for support was what led Grande to write her newest girl-power anthem “Thank U, Next.”
The song, which is the singer’s first single to hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, finds Grande reviewing her past romances with dancer Ricky Alvarez, rapper Big Sean, Miller, and Davidson. In the lyrics, she praises all of them for helping fuel her personal growth.
“Thought I’d end up with Sean / But he wasn’t a match / Wrote some songs about Ricky / Now I listen and laugh / Even almost got married / And for Pete, I’m so thankful / Wish I could say ‘Thank you’ to Malcolm / ‘Cause he was an angel,” she sings in the tune.
“It’s me and my besties tipsy off champagne — and me with my broken heart — just letting it out and having fun,” she said. “I love this more than any other song I’ve ever put out.”
RELATED VIDEO: Ariana Grande Reunites Original Mean Girls Actors for Star-Studded ‘Thank U, Next’ Video Teaser
Heading out on tour in March, Grande is continuing to heal from the trauma of the last couple years and channeling her heartbreak into a new album.
“This [album’s] not particularly uplifting. A lot of it sounds really upbeat, but it’s actually a super sad chapter,” she said.
Still, the star is looking forward to the future and working harder than ever. “I guess there’s not much I’m afraid of anymore,” she says. “When life tries you with such serious s— so many times, your priorities change. I don’t give a s—. I just want to be happy and healthy — one day — and make music.”