Billie Eilish is widely known for her eccentric sense of style, which typically encompasses a bright color palette, designer logos and most notably an oversized fit. And while she defends herself against the notion that she’s a “rule-breaker” as a result of her clothing choices, the 18-year-old explains that they are a compromise between her love of fashion and the disdain she once felt toward her body.
“I just hated my body,” the singer-songwriter told Vogue for the magazine’s March issue. “I would have done anything to be in a different one.”
The young pop superstar, who just made history by snagging awards for all four of the top Grammys categories last month, definitely breaks the mold when compared to other artists who have grown up in the spotlight. She even jokes on her Instagram about not dressing the way that audiences would like to see her.
“If only i dressed normal id be so much hotter yeah yeah come up with a better comment im tired of that one,” she captioned a photo back in September.
Like many others her age, however, Eilish has been afflicted with body image issues and insecurities. They even led her into a deep depression.
“I really wanted to be a model, really bad, and I was chubby and short. I developed really early. I had boobs at nine. I got my period at 11. So my body was going faster than my brain,” she explained to the magazine. “It’s funny, because when you’re a little kid, you don’t think of your body at all. And all of a sudden, you look down and you’re, like, whoa. What can I do to make this go away?”
Eilish has previously been open about self-injurious behavior, which she brought up in the interview. She even spoke about having suicidal thoughts during the European leg of her tour while on The Gayle King Grammy Special. Now, while in a better mindset, she told Vogue that she encourages people in a poor mental state to be patient.
“When people ask me what I’d say to somebody looking for advice on mental health, the only thing I can say is patience. I had patience with myself,” she said. “I didn’t take that last step. I waited. Things fade.”
Still, Eilish empathized with celebrities who have had public breakdowns as a result of dealing with personal self-esteem issues and the perils that come with fame. And although she has avoided some pressures — including those around her “look” — thus far, she recognized how difficult it is to remain authentic to yourself.
“In my dark places I’ve worried that I was going to become the stereotype that everybody thinks every young artist becomes,” she said, “because how can they not?”
If you or someone you know are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call 911, or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.
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