Women often get a bad rap for being hard to shop for. But men? Unless they're golf enthusiasts or enjoy receiving mugs with stupid fishing clichés ("I'd rather be fishing than working") for every single occasion, they can actually be really tricky when it comes to gifts. I know what I'll end up getting my husband for Father's Day, which is nothing that will go down in his life story as life-changing. But what I'd like to get him, on the other hand, is life-changing, although unfortunately in a he'll-probably-start-thinking-divorce kind of way. Here are 7 things I really want to get my husband for Father's Day!
1. No more sighs
Couldn't he use the ability to refrain from sighing like he's in life-threatening pain just because you called his name from downstairs? Or at least to hold the sigh in until he actually knows why you're calling. Sigh...
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It's just hair and a brush ... he needs the confidence to do stupidly easy things like brush the kids' hair without prefacing it by saying, "Well, Mommy is much better at this, but ... "
3. Staying calm and collected
Honey, two things do not multitasking make. How about the power not to freak out if he has to cook once a month on the same night he also gives the kids a bath? Both can be done. Particularly if "cooking" means throwing some raw meat on the grill and "bathing" means forgetting to wash the kids' faces.
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4. The ability to ask for directions
It's a cliché for a reason. It doesn't make you less of a man if you refresh the Directions app on your iPhone or even ask a stranger how to get back to the highway.
5. A clean shave
No one thinks soul patches, goatees and 5-day-old beards are cool, sexy or youthful (and the ladies who say otherwise have obviously never regularly kissed a man with any of the aforementioned Brillo, er, facial hair). Even Angelina Jolie only like Brad Pitt's scruff in theory. In practice? Ugh.
6. Bed-making skills
On the rare occasions he actually makes the bed, it could use a little work. Hint: the decorative lace part of the sheets goes at the head of the bed, not the foot. And when you're trying to button the duvet cover but find the buttons on the inside, that means it's probably inside out.
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7. A reality check
Disappearing like a rabbit in a hat doesn't get him off the hook. If he thinks he's getting away with something, it's purely coincidence. And save the card tricks until after the dishes are done.
Happy Father's Day, sweetie!
-By Meredith Carroll
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