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9 Tricks to Feeling More Comfortable in Bed

Love + Sex
July 31, 2012

After a few years of marriage and baby or two, your body's changed. But, don't let this natural course of events kill your self-esteem. If getting it on is getting you nervous, these surefire ways will amp up your between-the-sheets confidence. REDBOOK.

Speak up outside the bedroom
You've gotten comfortable - maybe a little too comfortable - with your sex routine. Certain er, books have got you thinking about adding some kink, but you're afraid to mess with something that works. "Try broaching the subject in a different setting where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way," suggests Emma Taylor, coauthor of Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped. "Cuddle up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whisper, 'I hope we'll try that tonight.'" He'll be receptive to your feedback, no matter when you offer it.

Fake it till you make it

You used to be wild when you first started dating your guy, but lately things have turned tame. Transform back into the tigress you once were by playing a game of pretend. "Even if it scares you, just do it - make the movements to get on top, pin him against the wall, whatever you'd like to do," says Taylor. "By simply going through the motions, taking charge will start to feel normal, and you'll be more confident for real."

Related: 6 Old Marriage DON'Ts and DOs

Hunt for inspiration

Thanks to an influx of high-end sex toys like Kiki de Montparnasse's water lubricant, erotica isn't nearly as skeevy as it once was. "Flipping through a book or browsing a website together can work as an icebreaker," says Taylor. "The images and the ideas you encounter will make it easy to point out what appeals to you without having to form the words for yourself." Plus, checking out hot-and-heavy material makes for great foreplay!

Reach out and touch each other
It might sound a little new-agey, but a full-body massage helps stimulate the seven energy centers, or chakras, throughout your body, so you're aroused from head to toe. "Start massaging your partner's hands and wrists," says Mabel Iam, author of Sex and the Perfect Lover. Pay attention his arms, shoulders and chest before you work your way upwards from his feet to his belly. Once you've got him good and turned on, have him do the same for you. This puts your energies in tune and helps create a sense of union - not to mention it feels pretty damn good.

Related: The Most Iconic Kisses of All Time

Start sleeping in the nude
If you're usually a head-to-toe flannel woman, take it in small steps: a tank and shorts, then just a tee, and so on until you're completely nude. Once you get over the nakedness of it, the feeling of having nothing on is actually powerful and potent -- and may even lead to sexier dreams, a tantalizing nighttime cuddle, or more!

Think bigger
When you don't feel sexy, it's pretty hard to be sexy. But you can shift your focus away from your self-perceived flaws -- namely, dwelling on things about your body that you do like (killer legs? wicked smile?). Or, try expanding your definition of what makes sex great from What do I look like? to What can I do that'll rock my guy's world?

Make room for pleasure

Turn your bedroom into a place that encourages you to unwind, with warm colors, comfy pillows -- and work papers and kids' toys kept out.

Related: Foreplay Tips: The Moves Men Love

Read his mind
When he's in bed with you, he's thinking, "I'm getting laid!" or "I am so turned on right now" or "She is so sexy and we're doin' it!" He's trying to get turned on, not off, so for your purposes that means he's focusing on what he likes about your body, not what he doesn't. He not thinking, "Wow, those thighs look chunky" right before you hit the mattress.

Ditch your around-the-house clothes
The more time you can spend naked, then, the more comfortable you will feel with your body, explains Jessica "Kayla" Conrad, author of Dance Naked: A Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Hottie. Pick a chore you do around the house -- washing the breakfast dishes after you pack the kids off to school, putting in a load of laundry or filing old bills -- then do it naked. It may seem ridiculous, but it will increase your comfort level with your own body in a way that agonizing and analyzing never will.

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