What to Read Next

Do You Make Excuses for the Person You're Dating?

Care2 Healthy Living
Love + Sex
June 20, 2012

By Liz Dawn Donahue, Care2 Healthy Living

A friend of mine sent the following quote to me today:

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." - Author Unknown.

This quote is stunningly perfect. I wish I had this in my 20s, although I might not have completely understood this as I do now. It truly sums up how many of us have felt in relationships when we have put the other person first over and over again and coming in maybe tenth with them in their lives. I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this statement, other than please remember to read this as many times as necessary when you find yourself here. Have it become your mantra and do not make excuses for why the person you are dating is not making you a priority.

We left off in the last article touching on excuses. Excuses, excuses, excuses! So you are dating someone and describing this person to your friend and begin to find yourself making excuses for their behavior. Something like "oh, but he had to shoot the gun and kill the puppy because he was peeing on the carpet too much" or perhaps "she needed to sleep with that other guy because she thought that I didn't want a commitment." All right, so the first example was ridiculous and absurd, but I am simply illustrating the lengths that we will go to in order to make excuses for someone's really awful behavior to our friends and family. The second example was something that a friend actually told me! I tried to bring my friend around to reason, but he wouldn't hear of it and eventually the pair broke up permanently because there was no trust left in the relationship (and she kept fooling around).

My friend kept making excuses for her bad behavior and kept trying to find an "out" for her in order to make it okay for him to keep seeing her. He needed to make it feel good to himself that he was still giving this woman a chance even though this was a huge deal breaker for him. He allowed his own boundary to be crossed and remained in the relationship.

Why do we make excuses for the people we date? I think somewhere deep inside ourselves we know the other person is not a fit for us, but we try to make the "square peg fit into a round hole." It's not a fit, but we try hard to shove it in there and make this relationship stick. Come hell or high water, this is going to fit!

Here is a good way to know if you are making excuses or if the behavior is something you could overlook and live with. The next time you begin explaining your partner's behavior to a friend, pretend your friend is telling this to you. What is your reaction? Do you tell your friend to walk away or do you tell her to stick with it and see what happens? Do you tell your friend that the writing is on the wall or that perhaps she should talk to her partner and forgive him? This exercise takes a tremendous amount of brutal honesty with yourself. There is no point in lying to yourself with any of these processes, because it will not get you where you want to be.

For years I made excuses for my partner. I was incredibly patient with the most ridiculous behavior displayed by what was supposed to be a grown man. When I finally decided that I was done making excuses, the relationship was over. And, the most important thing shifted inside of me that I was no longer going to make excuses for a man not being a grown up. It was time to take off the Peter Pan costume and show up in a relationship in an adult, caring, compassionate and nurturing manner. Once I got this, along with many other things, the type of men I dated (including the one I finally married) changed dramatically.

You do not have to live with half a partner. I believe you innately know what is right for you and what is not. Begin taking a loving stand for yourself and make it your mantra to attract someone just as wonderful as you are. Remember something very important, the partner you seek wants you in their life, just as much as you want them in your life. Did you get that? The relationship you are seeking, is seeking you.

Read more from the Stop Dating & Find Love series here.

4 Reasons We Stay in Bad Relationships
He Likes Me - Doesn't He?
10 Signs You're Falling in Love

VA Mortgage Rates In 2016

VA Rates as Low as 2.75% (3.028% APR) 15 Year Fixed. Exclusive For Veteran & Military Takes 1 Min!

Starwood Credit Card

Earn 25,000 Bonus Starpoints®! Use toward Award Nights or Flights.

Navy Seal Flashlight Should Be Banned From Public?

The Military has secretly released a flashlight that is now available to the public for a limited time only. Grab one now before they are gone!

Is your insurance comp Laughing Behind Your Back?

New Studies Show that if you drive less than 55 miles a day you can save a ton on auto insurance.

Stop Paying Too Much For Your Prescriptions.

Drug prices vary wildly between pharmacies. GoodRx finds the lowest prices and discounts. Compare prices, print free coupons & save up to 80%.

Don't Let Your Bundle Of Joy Cost You A Bundle.

Expenses can add up. Take advantage of a top rated 0% APR credit card and don't pay interest for up to 15 months. Learn more & apply securely here.

How Can Refinancing Your Student Loans Save Money?

SoFi can help you reduce your student loans and help you pay off your debt hassle free!

How Older Men Tighten Their Skin

Men, reduce the look of wrinkles, sagging skin and fine lines with this affordable and effective skin tightening treatment without leaving your home.

Banks Are Worried Homeowners Will Do This.

Homeowners are surprised and furious. If you owe less than $625,000 on your home, you better read this.

Your second chance to enroll in Medicare & Medigap

Seniors can sign up for Medicare & Medigap now during the General Enrollment Period.

Kid sleep troubles email series for moms

We get it. We’ve been there. Sign up for our email track to learn how to handle kids who won’t go to sleep or won’t stay in bed.

Insane Navy Seal Flashlight, should it be banned?

The Military has recently released technology that is now available to the public. Get yours before they run out - Limited Supply!

How To Make Sagging Skin Look Tight and Lifted

[Watch] The easy and effective way consumers across the country are improving the look of their wrinkled and sagging skin without cosmetic procedures.

Reconnect With Your High School Friends

Classmates® has the largest directory of high school class lists. Remember the good times and reconnect to create new memories.