By Janet Manley for HowAboutWe
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back - No sex on the first date.
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
- No handjobs on the first date.
- No lubricated handjobs on the first date.
- No self-esteem on the first date.
Tootsie - No pants on the first date.
- You've canceled a date to stay in and build leggo.
The Last Unicorn
- You've canceled a date to write leggo fan-fic.
The Man From Snowy River
- You don't mind a good whipping.
The Karate Kid
- You wax off, whack off.
The Neverending Story
- You're going to marry a beloved childhood friend. In a skimpy suede vest and chaps.
- You're not afraid to get down and dirty, or rock a perm.
Field of Dreams - You're not afraid to wear mom jeans.
- You're not afraid of a man in a leotard.
Driving Miss Daisy
- You're not afraid of old man butt.
- Find your way to the codpiece by midnight, or lose your baby brother forever.
My Little Pony: The Movie
- You have a ConAir vibrator.
The Care Bears Adventure in Wonderland
- Rainbows are fun to slide down.
The Land Before Time
- The last time you had sex, people were still cracking floppy disc jokes.
- Statutory rape is funny until it gets you banned from Cinnabon nationwide.
- Men in uniforms get your ectoplasm hot.
- You'll find "the one" tomorrow.
- THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
- The treasure lies just beyond your awkward teenage years.
Better Off Dead - You like to French.
- You're a hopeless romantic who believes there's a Danny Devito doppleganger out there for everyone.
- The morning after, you like to get PANCAKES.
Honey I Shrunk the Kids
- Size doesn't matter, it's what you do with your Moranis that counts.
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial
- You're not worried about interplanetary/venereal contagion.
Raiders of the Lost Ark
- To the ends of the Earth, you'll find the G-spot.
- You've been a dating pro since you were five.
- DON'T MIND THE 100 HELICOPTERS.
- You're not on a date, your neurons are just being commandeered by someone tall, dark and handsome.
- You're pretty weird, even without the mask.
The Elephant Man - You're not a human being! You are are an animal. In bed.
- Your speak dirty in the third person.
- You like apocalypse sex because everyone gets a second coming.
- If he has a nicer apartment than you, you're not leaving the building.
The Princess Bride
- If he's "handy with a sword," you're not leaving the building.
The Big Chill - If he's into charity sex, you're not leaving the building.
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
- Your dream date takes place in the back of an orange sedan.
- You always tell the truth. Even when you lie in bed.
This Is Spinal Tap
- Don't be afraid to crank things up past 10.
Back to the Future
- Beware of accidentally dating your mom.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
- You can get out of a bad date, but only if it's funny.
When Harry Met Sally - You will never want … that wagon wheel coffee table.
Chariots of Fire - You're all about the chase.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
- You've been running through my mind all day. Screaming.
- You're all shoulder pad and no pleat.
- Your practices aren't designed for people's enjoyment.
The Breakfast Club
- You like being "detained."
- You're looking for someone with a good job, bunk beds and a trampoline.
The Little Mermaid
- You're a princess who is never satisfied, no matter how good the blowout.
Strange Brew - You're looking for--jelly donut!--you're easily distracted.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
- You can do it forwards and backwards.
Stand By Me
- You'd cross state lines for the right body.
- When you fake it, they can tell, because your hair is hardly moving.
- You're looking for someone who likes to swing.