How to Have a Happy Marriage

Will Prez
Love + Sex
December 3, 2012

For most of falling in love is easy. When we are alone, we have a desire to connect with someone, sharing what's on our minds, and hearts, as we talk about our past, present, and future hopes, dreams and fears. We talk about everything that went right and wrong in our lives. At first, it doesn't seem to really take any work, and it's usually not complicated.

Then again, we do make ourselves a bit easier to love at first. Getting all dressed up, showing our best sides, and "being nice". We're often motivated to find someone that will meet our needs, whether it's acceptance, which might be something that we've never felt or something else.

Part of the reason it's so easy at first, according to Barbara Bartlein author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? Suggests that neurotransmitters in the brain release serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine-all of which contribute to the way we feel. Our brain chemistry pushes us to enjoy being together with a very strong feeling of contentment. This works to make love feel effortless.

When you are experiencing this initial effortless love, it's like the two of you are in a speed boat. Things are moving fast, and you only see each other as the world blurs around you. Friends, family and work fade away. It's new and exciting, feeling the pull of the engine as you race along! Then, the motor begins to die down, and then, it shuts down. You then continue to move forward on inertia, and you enjoy it even though you're not moving as fast. Things that were a blur, like friends, family and work come back into focus. Now, to move forward, you have to work together, take to the oars, and row.

While many movies show the effortless falling in love part, how many movies show true, mature love? Not many…and it's no surprise that many simply don't know how to create and sustain love in their happy marriage. When we are young, most of us don't need to work out to stay healthy over time that changes. We need to first see we need to create a healthy body, and then learn how before we can have it.

If you've lost that feeling, as I once did, know you can get it back, stronger than ever knowing that it can be sustained for a lifetime. For more answers on how to save a relationship

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