Mad About You: 4 Tips for Dealing with Anger in a Relationship

Babble.com
Love + Sex
March 1, 2013


Anger Management
Anger Management

Early in our marriage, my wife and I agreed to never go to bed angry. When we made this promise, we were still love struck newlyweds who didn't want the honeymoon to end. However, the weight of our promise became evident soon after our first major argument.

I can't remember what the argument was about, but I do remember both of us sitting on the edge of the bed stewing in our anger. Since we are both stubborn and strong-willed, we were content to sit there until the other made a concession. Fortunately, my wife reminded me of our agreement. Her gentle nudge diffused the tension and allowed us to work on a resolution.

I must admit that sticking to our agreement has not always been easy, especially after having kids. Over the course of our 15 year marriage, it gets harder to find the time to kiss and make up, and quite frankly, our arguments are harder to resolve. There have been nights when we've gone to bed angry with each other. We've also stayed up until the wee hours of the morning trying to hash out our problems. Sometimes we come up with a solution and sometimes we don't. But we always try to reach a point where we can speak rationally and without anger.

Related: 11 mistakes I made that nearly ended my marriage

David and Vera Mace, pioneers in the marriage enrichment movement, developed an acronym (AREA) to help couples deal with anger:

A - Admit your anger to your spouse
R - Restrain your anger and do not let it get out of hand by blaming or belittling
E - Explain in a very calm manner why you are angry
A - Take Action to do something about the cause of the anger

These tips are useful and have helped us to approach our arguments without being overcome by negative emotions. They've also helped us to get a good night's sleep.

My wife and I realize that our time on Earth is short, and we don't want to waste it by holding on to anger. If one of us were to die in our sleep, neither of us would want to live with the guilt of knowing that our last words were not spoken in love.

By Frederick J. Goodall
Follow Frederick on Babble!

For 10 reasons marriage will never be obsolete, visit Babble!

MORE ON BABBLE
Don't talk to her in the morning... and 14 other marriage tips from the WORST husband ever
15 ways women are ruining their sex lives
8 ways to tell if your man is ready for marriage
6 fights you should have with your spouse



Stay connected. Follow Babble on Facebook and Twitter.

Babble | Babble.com
Babble | Babble.com

What to Read Next

Affordable Homes on up to 1-Acre in Culpeper

New single-family homes on ½- to 1-acre homesites, just 2 miles from historic downtown Culpeper and 3 miles from Route 29. From the upper $200s

The Most Common Symptoms Of Bipolar Disorder

Learn What Bipolar Is and What It Isn't... Search For The Most Common Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder - Here

University of Miami Online

Online Master's Degree Programs Designed to Fit Your Schedule. Top Ranked & Accredited. The U is Within Reach. Learn More Today!

VA Mortgage Rates In 2016

VA Rates as Low as 2.75% (3.028% APR) 15 Year Fixed. Exclusive For Veteran & Military Takes 1 Min!

Walden University- Doctor of Nursing Practice

Earn your degree online through Walden's CCNE-accredited nursing program and make a difference in your patients' lives. Request free info today!