Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and hot dog… gum?
From Accoutrements, the novelty kings who brought you such culinary delights as bacon lollipops and dill pickle mints, Ballpark Gum promises to give you all the gastronomical delights of an afternoon in the nosebleed section, only in chewable form.
Welcome to the future.
“Each… tin contains about twenty-two delicious gumballs that taste just like the three pillars of ballpark dining - peanuts, hot dogs and beer! They're perfect to chew on while you're busy root, root, rooting for the home team, because if they don't win it's a shame, but either way, you've got one, two, three flavors of gum at the old ball game,” reads the description on the company’s website.
The best part is that the website offers the gum’s nutritional info. (Hint: it does not meet your daily protein intake requirements).
Perfect for the baseball fan who wants to enjoy all the traditional park goodies without shelling out the equivalent of a week’s groceries.
Whatever the motivation, these tins are selling faster than you would anticipate. On Amazon, there are only six units left (!) and at $6.45 a tin, the price has inflated like tickets sold by scalpers on game day.
But don’t despair if you can’t get your mitts on a tin. There are plenty of other alternative lifestyle flavours to enjoy.
For the sophisticate, you may deign to try Foie Gras Bubble Gum “for those evenings when you're craving goose liver but don't want to get off the couch.” It’s undoubtedly as delicious as it sounds.
And if that’s still not enough iron in your diet, the T-Bone Steak Sucker (medium rare) should do the job.
So in the words of another ballpark great, Cartoon Ken Griffey, Jr., it’ll feel like there’s a party in your mouth and everyone’s invited. Except that nobody wants to show up.