What to Read Next

Can cheating on your spouse save your marriage?

Sheryl Nadler
Shine On
June 14, 2012

Can cheating on your spouse really help save your marriage? Many experts would say no, it doesn't. But Eric Anderson, the author of The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love and the Reality of Cheating would beg to disagree.

In his new book, Anderson, an American sociologist who specializes in sexuality and sport, claims men have a need for sexual variety. While they may love their wives and don't want to leave them, he says they can get sexually bored, and concludes that monogamy is unrealistic. He even goes so far to recommend men seek casual sex outside their relationships instead of walking out on their wives, and that women should be OK with this.

"Dr. Anderson, professor of sociology at the University of Winchester, interviewed 120 men and discovered that those who cheated did so because they were sexually bored, and not because they weren't in love," reports The Daily Mail. The Guardian points out those 120 men were university students, aged 18-22.

[See also: Secrets of happy couples]

But Vancouver-based couples and sex therapist David McKenzie, Ph.D, isn't buying it. He says studies have shown both males and females to be equally promiscuous and that cheating is never a good idea.

What does McKenzie mean by cheating?

"I don't mean having sex outside your relationship if it's agreed upon by both of you. I don't mean that having a polyamourous or open relationship. Cheating is deception. Cheating is telling one person one thing and then going behind their back and doing something else deceptively. That is always wrong. It breaks trust. It destroys a relationship."

He goes on to say that sex outside of a marriage does not destroy the relationship when it's consensual — as evidenced by the swinging community. It's when trust is broken that the damage occurs, as it's hard to get it back.

There are three types of cheating, according to McKenzie. The first example is someone who has a meaningless one-night fling, at, perhaps, a conference after having a few too many drinks.

[See also: What to avoid when dating]

"Those are usually very hurtful but they're usually recoverable," he says.

The second type of stepping out is the affair, which he says is the most damaging.

"It goes on for a long time, you're developing a parallel relationship," he says. "It's actually a cry for help. An affair is never, ever about the new relationship, it's always about the old relationship."

McKenzie's coined the third type of cheating pathological cheating. In this example,  "A person is getting all they want at home, there's no problem and yet they're still going out having affairs or seeking prostitutes. And that is an issue that arises, not from the primary relationship, but from deep pain in one's past."

So how does a couple work it out if one spouse has cheated? Well, for starters, the cheater must cut off communication with the person with whom they have been cheating with, they must become visibly transparent to their spouse, and then seek professional help.

Watch the video below as real people share their shocking stories of catching a cheater.

Motorcycle Tech Training

At MMI, you ll get the advanced skills that top manufacturers need. MMI graduates are in high demand by employers nationwide.

Walden University Nursing Degree

Earn your M.S. in Nursing online and gain real-world skills to advance your career. Learn more about Walden's CCNE-accredited nursing program today!

10 Ways to Generate Income in Retirement

If you have a $500,000 portfolio, download the guide by Forbes columnist Ken Fisher’s firm. It’s called, “The Definitive Guide to Retirement Income.”

Insane Navy Seal Flashlight, should it be banned?

The Military has recently released technology that is now available to the public. Get yours before they run out - Limited Supply!

Heartburn During Pregnancy

Dealing With Pregnancy is Hard Enough. Getting Heartburn While Pregnant is a Pain. Learn What Causes Heartburn During Pregnancy.

Buy Online & Pick Up In-store Today at Kohl's!

The ease of online shopping meets the convenience of same-day pickup at Kohl's. Skip the Shipping Fees and get it today at your local Kohl's store!

How Older Men Tighten Their Skin

Men, reduce the look of wrinkles, sagging skin and fine lines with this affordable and effective skin tightening treatment without leaving your home.

VA Mortgage Rates In 2016

VA Rates as Low as 2.75% (3.028% APR) 15 Year Fixed. Exclusive For Veteran & Military Takes 1 Min!

Going Mobile with Wage Payments

Learn more about how ADP is helping employers with their mobile strategy

Get vitamins here. Change lives everywhere.

For kids like Rosemary, proper nutrition makes a big difference. See how you can help kids everywhere just by buying your vitamins at Walgreens.

Ever Googled Someone? Do A "Deep Search" Instead

Entering a Name and State on this site could reveal info you thought wasn't available. Have you searched yourself or someone you know yet?

It's time to rethink what you know about hybrids.

The 2016 Prius is here with a striking new look that will shake up the status quo. Find out how Prius just upped its game.

He Resolved to Talk to Strangers.

He Resolved to Talk to Strangers. See What Happened Next.

This Home Security System Stopped a Crime Spree

A crime wave swept through southern Wisconsin. 25 homes and businesses robbed in a month. The cops were stumped—until they tried this...