You don't need to have a young child to be equal parts amused and terrified by the Honest Toddler.
The Internet sensation, currently clogging up Facebook and Twitter newsfeeds with endless "You've got to read this!" reposts, is comprised of one very smart, funny adult writing as one very smart, funny two-to-three-year-old.
Honest Toddler -- who in addition to having Twitter and Facebook pages also has a personal blog -- uses an uncanny adult voice to describe his (or her) motivation for every toddler transgression from kicking daddy out of the "big bed" to what will happen if mommy dares to give him a cookie in broken pieces.
And the best part is the posts are designed to be a de facto advice manual for parents to help them better serve their "beautiful, gifted children."
"Maybe it will help to think about why you decided to become a parent. Most likely you were bored and looking for someone to serve. Now that you have the opportunity to make your life mean something, do your best. Wake up with a smile on your face and say this fourteen times, 'Broken food is disgusting, when I serve it I look a little ugly,'" writes the little dictator.
As any parent can attest, the toddler years are fraught with difficult behaviour and a battle of wills as children learn to navigate their surroundings. This is the time when little ones start pushing boundary limits while learning how to look beyond their own needs and wants.
But to hear it described in such matter-of-fact, sophisticated terms is what makes the idea sing.
Take this plea to St. Nick on Honest Toddler's Twitter feed: "Santa. Merry Thursday. If you saw what just went down please call me so I can fill in the blanks. You know I love you, right? :)"
Or the manipulation employed to pit ever-loving grandma against a mother who won't attend to every whim: "Grandma I am not being cared for. So hungry for cookies, too. So so hungry. I can barely see."
The busy toddler even manages to take time out his jam-packed schedule to update his Facebook page with these pithy observations: "Overheard mama say that she's going to lose her mind if I poo on the floor one more time. Did it again right away to show her how strong she is."
With his popularity exploding, many media outlets have requested to learn the identity of the brains behind the Honest Toddler, but so far, the potty-training decrier has only responded to interview requests in character.
So until the diaper is unsheathed, it's safe to presume the blog will continue to make those with children laugh (or cry) and inspire terror in those who don't.