Use This Dad's "X Plan" to Keep Your Kids Safe
Peer pressure can put kids in some pretty tough spots. One of the hardest parts of middle school and high school is simply "fitting in." That's why blogger Bert Fulks developed an important tool he calls the "X plan." The dad of three recently shared his method for keeping his children safe, even when those inevitable uncomfortable situations come up.
Fulks, who also speaks to kids struggling with addiction, recently asked the recovery group a question: "How many of you have found yourself in situations where things started happening that you weren't comfortable with, but you stuck around, mainly because you felt like you didn't have a way out?" All of the teens raised their hands - "every single one of them," he wrote on his blog.
That trapped feeling ultimately inspired his family's special code. Whenever his kids are in a situation that doesn't feel right, they can text the letter "x" for an easy and discreet way out. Whoever receives the text (Mom, Dad or an older sibling) then calls, faking a family emergency. The conversation usually goes something like this:
"Hello?"
"Danny, something's come up and I have to come get you right now."
"What happened?"
"I'll tell you when I get there. Be ready to leave in five minutes. I'm on my way."
The child can then tell their friends that something's happened, without getting into specifics. But the most important part of the X plan comes next.
"Once he's been extracted from the trenches, Danny knows that he can tell us as much or as little as he wants … but it's completely up to him," Fulks writes. "The X plan comes with the agreement that we will pass no judgments and ask no questions ... This can be a hard thing for some parents (admit it, some of us are complete control-freaks); but I promise it might not only save them, but it will go a long way in building trust between you and your kid."
Of course, Fulks says that that rule doesn't apply when someone else is in danger. People have a moral obligation to protect someone else who needs help. However, that promise means kids are more likely to speak up instead of worrying about getting in trouble.
"I urge you to use some form of our X plan in your home. If you honor it, your kids will thank you for it," Fulks says. "You never know when something so simple could be the difference between your kid laughing with you at the dinner table or spending six months in a recovery center."
Some skeptics have questioned how kids will later explain the "emergency" to their friends, but most parents are taking his advice to heart.
"I love this. I have two young boys and hope they never need to use it, but knowing they have this escape mechanism is very reassuring," one commenter wrote. "Don't worry about meeting the friends the following day. The parents can come [up] with a convincing story or the kids can just dismiss it as overreacting parents. Either way, your child is safe and that is ALL that matters."
The overwhelmingly positive response couldn't make Fulks happier. "I have heard from so many parents who've told me about sitting down and talking with their kids after reading this piece," he told GoodHousekeeping.com. "To think that I've been used in any way to encourage conversations between parents and kids, I am just humbled and grateful."
And while some critics believe the policy teaches kids dishonesty, Fulks says that notion is pretty off-base. "Every kid, parent and situation is different. Adjust it for your family or make up your own plan," he says. "At the end of the day it's really all about fostering open communication and building a bridge of trust with your kid."
This story was updated to include a comment from Bert Fulks.
You Might Also Like
