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“Turn the beat around? More like turnt that beat around!”

The show opened with my #1 queen Rumer Willis, which I don’t think they should do all the time because what’s the motivation for people to keep watching? I like that sometimes they have the couples do something fun, although it always seems a little random. So Rumer & Val Chmerkovsky were dancing a “disco salsa,” (sure, why not) and Rumz – you know, I call her Rumz now – was like, “Ooh let’s go rollerskating!” and they did and the best part about this montage was that while they were messing around and practicing their jumps and catches, there was a pelvis-mouth accident that broke Valentin’s lip. Talk about a power woman! Her performance was obviously the best one of the night, and as she “disco-salsa’d” to Gloria Estefan’s “Turn the Beat Around,” in her nude, crystal embellished, Britney-esque, bell-bottom jumpsuit, I fell in love like twenty times. Her body is BANANAS!