There’s an anecdote that suggests Ernest Hemingway was lunching with a few writer friends when he suggested that he could write the saddest story ever told in just six words. After the bets were placed, he passed a napkin around that featured his flash fiction: “For sale: baby shoes, never worn,” and then he collected his winnings.
May I present the actual saddest story in just six words? “For sale: raw chicken teddy bear.”
OK, maybe it’s not the saddest story you’ve heard, but it’s definitely one that feels the most ripe with salmonella.
“Maggie from Metairie” allegedly posted her handmade raw chicken “teddy bears” on Facebook Marketplace at the bargain price of $35 to $25 if you supply your own chicken.
Sadly, the post is no longer available. Could they have sold out so quickly, or did Facebook put an end to an entrepreneur’s dreams?
One chicken is enough to sew together two horrifying, nightmare-inducing bears, according to the original report by WGNO.
The post reads, “EDIBLE AND CAN BE COOKED ;; GREAT FAMILY ACTIVITY,” and “Can also make clothes.” Ah yes, the “cooking of a teddy-bear shaped chicken,” one of my fondest memories from childhood. One has to wonder what material this talented artist would use to make the clothes.
According to Consumer Reports research from 2014, potentially harmful bacteria was found in 97 percent of raw chicken breasts they bought nationwide. The ad also doesn’t mention how the artist planned to ship the raw chicken to buyers.
RIP Chicken Teddy Bear; you were too beautiful for this world, and for Facebook Marketplace.
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