I Use Horse Shampoo, and I’m Convinced That’s Why My Hair Is So Long and Thick

Tara Gonzalez

Horse girls have a reputation. It isn’t particularly good, although I don’t know too much about them because I am from Queens and there are no horses in Queens. But I do use horse shampoo even though I am definitely human.

I like my hair long enough to sit on, so horse shampoo feels like a natural fit for me. I also grew up with a grandma who treated CVS like church and the aisle stacked with Mane ‘n Tail shampoo was our alter. She’d carry coupons for it in her bag and they’d sit next to her laminated cards of La Virgen Guadalupe.

My grandma also has alopecia which means she would hold onto her wig while telling me to thank Mane ‘n Tail for my luscious locks. She couldn’t ask me to light a candle in the middle of the store since it was so blatantly illegal, but that is exactly how I ended up on my knees every Sunday on the carpeted floor of the 31st Street and Ditmars CVS, filling up our red shopping cart with as much $9 Mane ‘n Tail shampoo and conditioner as humanly possible. It’s what God would have wanted.

As grandmas often are, my grandma was right. Mane ‘n Tail Shampoo and Conditioner is worthy of worship. My hair goes down to my hips and is so thick I can wrap it around my neck and use it as a scarf if needed. I’m convinced this is all due to Mane ‘n Tail, not just because my grandma says so, but because everytime I switch shampoo even my boyfriend notices and he doesn’t notice anything.

Even my little sister, who used to hate Mane ‘n Tail because she didn’t think it was fancy enough, now swears by it too. After she cut her hair too short, she had trouble growing it back. Then she took one look at my hair, the gorgeous illustration of the horse with flowing hair on the Mane ���n Tail bottle, and decided maybe she was wrong. Now her hair is almost as long as mine. Amen.

Even congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a fan. The other day, she uploaded an Instagram Story at her local drugstore with the caption, “Tell me how they sell the shampoo my family used growing up in THE PET CARE SECTION.” I see where she’s coming from, but to be fair the instructions on the bottle do start with this sentence: Add a liberal amount of Mane 'n Tail Shampoo into a bucket of warm water. I may not be a horse girl but my hair definitely looks like something you’d want to bet on. And maybe that’s what being a horse girl is really all about.

Shop Mane ‘n Tail Shampoo and Conditioner below.

Mane ‘n Tail Shampoo and Conditioner Pack

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