Husband vents over 'selfish' wife who refuses to have an abortion

Having a child should be one of the happiest moments in a couple’s life, but what if one partner isn’t looking forward to having the baby?

A husband was so upset that his wife refused to abort their “accidental” baby that he openly vented his frustrations on a parenting website, although he likely didn’t receive the support he was hoping for.

“I know this is a woman’s forum mostly but I figured where best to get advice than here,” the man began his post on Mumsnet. He states that he and his wife already have three kids, aged nine, five and four, each with a behavioural issue.

“[My] wife struggles with the basic running of the household and now with a fourth it will be too much for her,” he says. “We had discussed this previously and I made it clear I did not want more until the routines and house were in good order. Well fate screwed that up and now she’s 3-5 weeks pregnant. I immediately suggested termination but apparently she ‘just can’t bring herself to do it.'”

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The man says that the financial costs due to the physical and mental struggles they deal with are too much. His wife was apparently ill during two pregnancies and even suffered a stroke from one of them. He states that more children right now would be unmanageable.

“She doesn’t seem to be able to rationally understand the huge commitment she is forcing on the whole family,” he says of his wife. “I suggested termination for now, we can always get pregnant again in a few years once everything is in order but she is so adamant.”

He continues, seemingly reaching out for fellow users to understand his point of view.

“I don’t even want to look at her right now let alone support her selfish decision (if it was later in the pregnancy I would understand but at this point it’s just a yolk sac and a tiny ball of cells, no heartbeat etc.)”

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The man admitted that he just needed to vent, but can’t seem to get his wife to understand that she is “making the wrong choice” and forcing her wishes upon him “for no real benefit.” He claims they were on birth control and she only missed one dose, which was apparently enough for her to get pregnant.

“I just don’t know how to cope with this without feeling angry towards her, how am I supposed to love a child [I] didn’t want, whose timing will ruin all of our plans for the future not to mention the extra stress it will add to our already difficult children.”

“I know I can’t force her, but it feels like she is forcing me because she knows I will step up, of course I will…” he concludes. “But I would be doing it not by choice but by force. What can I do?”

If he was looking for support, he received very little from fellow parents, who called the pleading husband everything from “ignorant” to a “troll.” Many even blamed him for not using a stronger form of protection.

“You could help her to get the house ‘in good order’ and if you were so dead set on not having more kids then a vasectomy might’ve been an idea,” one mom responded.

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“You simply cannot tell a woman what to do with her own body,” another user stated. “You could get a vasectomy, use condoms, pull out, not have sex, do more around the house, step up, help with routines and stop telling her what to do. All great options. Trying to pressure her into an abortion is not.”

A few husbands spoke up, with one telling the man to stop making this about him and to “man up” to his wife: “Another dad here and I’m honestly pretty taking back by your post. She’s inflicting nothing on you and there is no element of selfishness here. You both had sex and got pregnant – you’re an idiot to think birth control is 100 per cent effective. It’s time to stop making this about you and man up for your wife.”

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Other users sympathized with the man and suggested he simply had the wrong attitude:

“When we are finding things very difficult we can tend to lash out at others,” one mom wrote. ”Please make this something you deal with and decide together as the functioning of the family household is only going to become more not less difficult if you and your (dear wife) are at loggerheads.”

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