“He cheated on her. Now she wants to know why.”
These are the words posted on a recent tweet from The Scene, the Condé Nast website that features original videos, shorts, and documentaries from more than 30 brands. In its latest “Originals on the Scene,” a heartbroken young woman, Kourtney, asks her ex-boyfriend Leonard, “Why did you cheat on me?”
The 6-minute and 45-second video has already received more than 372,000 likes, along with nearly 170,000 retweets. In fact, someone along the way created the hashtag #hurtbae, seemingly as a way of paying homage to Beyoncé’s Lemonade.
And needless to say, the Twitterverse has lots to say about this couple:
— The Scene (@SCENE) February 16, 2017
@SCENE Before you all make a 25-part series destroying men, I want to remind you that women cheat too, and equally as evil. Thank you.
— HAAKEEM (@ishmaelshakeel) February 16, 2017
— ???? (@RKETF) February 15, 2017
— LoyalTee Hair✨ (@imloyalteee) February 15, 2017
Watching this raw and uncomfortable exchange between a former couple begs the question — can confronting an ex about his or her cheating ways help someone heal from a broken relationship?
“It really depends on the person, but most people want to know why someone cheated,” Stacy Kaiser, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of How to Be a Grown Up: The 10 Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know tells Yahoo Beauty. “If you can get an answer that you believe and one that satisfies you, oftentimes you can feel good about asking and get some sense of closure.”
However, keep in mind that you’ll likely be faced with the conundrum of looking for an honest answer from someone who lied. “And that’s why you typically don’t get the truth, because these people have mastered lying and cheating,” continues Kaiser. “They’re good at it — they’ll tell you what they think you want to hear and what will get them off the hook.”
She believes that the majority of people who have been cheated on want to hear the same three words from their partner: It wasn’t you.
“Yet most of us don’t believe that,” states Kaiser. “We tend to think, ‘But if I was more lovable or prettier, he wouldn’t have done it.’ But it actually has nothing to do with us. It’s a character issue — a person who has good character would break up with their partner first and then go be with someone else.”
At the end of the video, we learned that the couple now live in different states and still talk regularly. Kaiser wasn’t surprised by that, since she felt that Kourtney wanted to hold on to the man she felt was her best friend.
“But I feel like it’s a little bit crushing of one’s dignity because this person has hurt you,” Kaiser adds. “They are not trustworthy, and yet you are inviting them to be in your life in a significant way.”
Kaiser quickly points out, though, that couples who have parted ways — for reasons other than cheating — can stay in touch, heal from the breakup, and eventually begin dating someone else.
“Some people try to salvage what was good in the relationship, if they can,” she explains. “The desire to move on is not directly related to staying in contact with an ex — unless you are hung up on them while trying to get them back and still hurting from that relationship. But if you have emotionally recovered from the breakup, then you can move on.”
While keeping an ex in your life comes down to a personal decision, Kaiser shares this advice for anyone considering the Kourtney confrontation: “It’s worth a try, but go in with low expectations that you will feel better when you walk away.”