John Legend and Chrissy Teigen already have several nannies on rotation, each of whom cleans and feeds and loves on their two adorable children, Luna, 4, and Miles, 1. But I’d imagine busy A-list celebrities are always looking for more help around the mansion (especially since the couple just announced they're expecting their third child). So, I’d like to throw my name into the hat.
I have babysat several times in my life, and though I did once put on a child’s diaper backwards, please do not think this disqualifies me! I have credentials that fit the Legend/Teigen tots to a tee. Here’s a few reasons why I think we’d be a perfect fit.
They share a pet hamster.
The children have a now-infamous pet hamster named Peanut Butter, who has already gone missing more than once. I had my own hamster, named Hermonie (not Hermione, because I did not yet know how to spell), and she, too, enjoyed venturing outside her cage. I always tracked her down by following the trail of chewed-up carpet and successfully returning her to her habitat. I’m sure, with Luna’s sleuthing skills, we could do the same together.
stop asking me if the hamster is alive pic.twitter.com/DvLmiZIP0g— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 10, 2020
They’re not enthusiastic about The Voice.
Their dad, John Legend, is a coach on the singing competition The Voice, and he took them to set during a taping in November 2019. Miles was so bored he looked half-asleep, and Luna so unamused she put a hand over her dad’s mouth to keep him from talking. I, too, do not particularly enjoy The Voice, and respect their right to protest.
Luna loves Ariana Grande.
After Legend recorded a duet of “Beauty and the Beast” with Ariana Grande, Luna listened to the track over and over, and apparently decided Grande is the more talented singer. She told her father, “‘Dad, Ariana Grande is a great singer. You’re not a great singer,’” Legend revealed on A Little Late with Lilly Singh. Ouch.
Since Luna seemingly does not consider her father, the Sexiest Man Alive, worthy, maybe she’d consider a sitter who knows every word of Grande’s 2014 classic, “Problem”? And made a dance routine to it in high school? Which she still remembers every move of?
Luna wants to be a Disney princess.
Although we don’t see much of Luna on the runway these days, when the paparazzi (i.e. her parents) do nab a shot of her, she's usually wearing Disney Princess-themed jammies and dresses. For her fourth birthday, her parents made her a cake and dressed her in a Princess Belle costume. I played Princess Belle in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast, and though the wig made me look like a Founding Father, I still remember how to sing “Be Our Guest.” We’d have a ball.
The kids love sweet treats.
Considering their mother is the author of the cookbook Cravings, it’s no wonder her children are similarly obsessed with desserts. I understand this at the very core of my being. When I was in an eighth-grade science class, my classmates and I had to design our own experiment, and I made mine about muffins so I had an excuse to bake “for homework.” I will make cookies for these children every day.
Miles wants to share a track with his dad.
Teigen recently shared a video of Miles singing Legend’s new song with Charlie Puth, “I Do." Miles is understandably jealous of the collaboration and would like to get in on the action. I know exactly how he feels. I, too, would've liked to have been asked first.
Miles is a strong-willed baby brother.
In the video below, Luna asks her brother,“Miles, can I play by myself for a little bit?” To which Miles responds confidently: “No.”
Maybe this is an issue Teigen can solve on her new Quibi show, Chrissy’s Court, but Miles feels very strongly about his right to play piano. Luna is not so sure about this privilege. She would like some alone time, and I can relate. My own baby brother enjoyed waddling into my living-room performances, and, yes, I love him, but sometimes the eldest needs the spotlight!
Luna appreciates some quality comedy.
Luna’s been brushing up on her jokes while quarantining with her family, and her latest sketch—about a mouse who hit his head—is on its way to becoming comedy canon. I’d be happy to help her hone her material by feeding her a steady stream of John Mulaney stand-up and memes.
Miles embraces a themed party.
For his second birthday, Teigen and Legend threw Miles his very own Elmo-themed birthday party. Never one to duck out on a Sesame Street-centered affair, Miles sported an Elmo shirt that said "two" with Elmo's face serving as the 'o.' Teigen captioned a photo of Miles in his ensemble with a quote from The Office: "michael and his jeans. he gets in them, and I'm not exactly sure what happens, but I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans." While it's safe to say Miles doesn't get the reference, his face in the photo suggests he's more clued-in than we realize.
Apparently, Miles is cool with snakes.
Another enviable trait to add to this kid's portfolio—his total ease with reptiles. Also present at his Elmo-themed second birthday party was an actual snake. In one snap from the day, Miles can be seen casually digging into some food while his father wrangles a snake mere inches away. This kid has more poise than most adults.
Luna is a safety-first kinda shopper.
While the Jenners have found it difficult to wear a mask during their Nobu outings, four-year-old Luna always remembers to mask up. In a recent snap shared to Teigen's Instagram, Luna can be seen in a pastel mask, thumbs up, as she helps her mom shop for groceries. "we don’t get to go to the store often but if there’s time for a late night Ralph’s run, boy we make the most of it," Teigen captioned the shot of Luna with an overflowing cart of food, including ramen noodles, bagel thins, and donuts.
Miles and Luna are both into brunch.
You've got to start them early. Although these kids are years away from the bottomless mimosa experience, Luna and Miles still can enjoy breakfast with dad. "I make pancakes every Sunday. Regardless of this pic, Miles really enjoyed them," Legend jokingly captioned a photo of himself and the kids enjoying a leisurely breakfast.
These kids know how to craft a fort.
We're all desperate for homebound entertainment in 2020 and the Legend-Teigen household has seemingly mastered it. "special dinner tent. magical tent that gets you to eat all your dinner! it worked. the gymnastics of being a parent 😩" Teigen wrote alongside a shot of Miles and Luna posing in a seriously decked-out tent. There's string lights, cozy pillows, and a snuggle-worthy duvet, perfect for a sibling sleepover.
Anyway, John and Chrissy, you’re excellent parents. Please consider this my official cover letter, should you ever need someone else to gush over your kiddos—and new addition (!!).
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