Kimmel on Republicans refusing to impeach Trump: 'This is the tough on crime party!'
Jimmy Kimmel
On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host discusses more than 200,000 photos and videos that have been found of the rioters who stormed the Capitol earlier this month. He spoke about the many ways that they have incriminated themselves by bragging on social media, “like a burglar who stops to sign the guest book”.
He also spoke about Twitter deciding to ban disgraced MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell for repeatedly claiming the election had been stolen.
“Can you imagine 10 years ago if I told you a former crackhead pillow executive would be kicked off Twitter for helping Donald Trump overthrow the government?” Kimmel joked. “I feel like we’re not fully appreciating the comedy here.”
The impeachment proceedings have so far only seen five Republicans in support, meaning there’s no chance that Trump will be convicted. Kimmel ridiculed some of the reasoning but especially singled out former UN ambassador Nikki Haley who went on Fox News to ask people to give Trump a break as he’d had a hard time before, during and now after his time in office.
“Your honour, people were screaming at him when he broke into the bank, they were screaming at him when he robbed the bank, the police caught him robbing the bank, it’s enough already, move on,” he said.
Kimmel joked: “This it the tough on crime party!”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert said that there were still “a few loose ends from the last administration we gotta clear up, like inciting a murderous mob to attack the Congress and overthrow democracy”.
If the trial does go forward as many Democrats hope, Trump would need to be summoned to appear. “Normally to summon the former president, you have to draw a pentagram made of extra crispy [chicken],” he joked.
The argument against his involvement is that he didn’t actually go with the rioters he incited. “That’s his defence: he didn’t actually go with the cult members to commit the murders so he’s not guilt,” he said. ”I’m sorry that was actually Charles Manson’s defence.”
Protestors have been flooding Trump’s current residence in Florida with signs calling him the worst president ever. “You’re off the hook Kevin Spacey,” Colbert quipped.
New Covid-19 variants continue to show up, including a Brazilian mutation which Colbert said is “easy to identify because it looks fantastic in a two-piece because it’s smooth as an eel down there”.
Hollywood bigwigs have reportedly been trying to get their hands on the vaccine as fast as possible. “As well they should! If the Hollywood elite don’t survive this then who will sing us Imagine during the next pandemic,” he joked.
Trevor Noah
Are we surprised America is struggling with a COVID vaccine plan? Couldn't handle mass distribution when it was Popeye’s chicken sandwiches. pic.twitter.com/c6IsqemicN
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) January 27, 2021
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah discussed the disastrous roll-out of the vaccine in the US. “We should have seen this coming back when Popeye’s ran out of chicken,” he said. “If America can’t deal with sandwich distribution what chance do they haver with the vaccine.”
Noah isn’t surprised however. “Everything with Covid has been a horror movie, why would the end be any different?” he said.
Reports of vaccines being thrown away because people are missing their appointments surprises him “Who is missing an appointment for a Covid vaccine? What else are these people doing?” he asked.
He’s also surprised that vaccines “go bad” referring it to “the most advanced technology on earth but they age like avocados”.
