Jimmy Kimmel ripped the former president’s thin skin on Tuesday evening, hours after the Daily Beast reported that in the middle of his presidency, Donald Trump pressed advisers and lawyers to use whatever means necessary – Federal Communications Commission, justice department or otherwise – to stop Saturday Night Live, Kimmel and other late-night hosts from mocking him.
“Can you imagine that? President Snowflake asked to send the authorities in to stop us from making fun of him,” Kimmel mused.
According to the report, Trump’s advisers felt the inquires were “more of a nuisance than a constitutional crisis”.
“To me, it feels more like a crisis than a nuisance,” said Kimmel. “I don’t know, I’m up here goofing on him, he’s asking the feds to do who the hell knows what.”
When informed there was no legal case to be made against comedians, Trump reportedly asked: “Can something else be done about it?”
“He can’t take a joke,” Kimmel mused. “He can make one. In fact he’s made several – Eric, Ivanka, Don Jr – but he cannot take a joke.”
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert opened with the defeat of the For the People Act, the Biden administration’s landmark voting rights legislation, in the Senate on Tuesday. A Senate procedural vote on whether to start debate on the bill ended as expected in a 50-50 stalemate along party lines, with no Republican support for the measure intended to curb several voting restrictions passed in Republican-majority states.
“At long last, that moment that we knew would never happen finally didn’t – just the way we always thought it never would,” Colbert explained.
In other news, the Manhattan district attorney’s office is reportedly investigating the former Trump bodyguard Matthew Calamari for alleged tax-free fringe benefits from the former president, such as free apartments, subsidized rent or car leases. “Wait, giving Calamari perks in exchange for his loyalty? That is a clear squid pro quo,” Colbert quipped.
The DA’s office is also looking into the bodyguard’s son, Matthew Calamari Jr. “Like his father, Calamari Jr hasn’t been officially charged yet but prosecutors recently advised both men to hire lawyers,” Colbert said. “You know the world is upside down when the Calamari are ordering lawyers for the whole table.”
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers responded to Trump’s 2019 question on whether anything could be done to stop comedians from making jokes at his expense. “Well, Donald, I’m pleased to announce the answer is yes,” Meyers riffed. “Here is my offer: when Broadway comes back in the fall, you play Willie Loman in Death of a Salesman. That’s it. That’s all you have to do.
“If you play Willie Loman in Death of a Salesman, we will not make fun of you on Late Night for the rest of the year,” he continued. “But you have to be off-book. If you forget your lines or more likely don’t read the script in the first place, you just have to make something up. You just have to make up a plot of whatever you think Death of a Salesman is about. And if you’re wondering what the catch is, there isn’t one. This is just something I personally would really enjoy seeing.
“And if you don’t do this then I’m sorry, it’s eclipse city in the graphics department,” he added beside a photo of Trump ill-advisedly staring into the full solar eclipse in 2017.
Meyers also touched on reports that the Manhattan DA’s office is looking into the former Trump bodyguard Matthew Calamari: “Prosecutors aren’t sure if they really want Calamari, or if he’s just something to pick at while they wait for the main course.”
And last week, Governor Greg Abbott of Texas signed a bill into law that would allow residents to carry a handgun without a license. “So the next time the electrical grid collapses, you’ll at least feel like you have power,” Meyers quipped.