My life in sex: ‘Despite cottaging and cruising, I’ve never felt fully gay’

·2 min read

I was happily married to a woman for many years and find straight sex in a loving relationship deeply satisfying. However, I have been fascinated by penises since my early teens. At that time, images of penises were strictly taboo, which may have contributed to my fascination, but it is a phase I never grew out of.

I would go cottaging while still at school, partly because a quick thrill was so much easier than having to go through the rituals of 1960s courtship and risk rejection. I thought that I would adopt a gay lifestyle when I left home to go to university, but despite regular cottaging and cruising, I never felt fully gay. (Most of the men I’ve encountered while cruising are married to women and feel the same way.)

I have never had a gay relationship, rarely kissed another guy, and would no more fall in love with another man than the next straight guy. In spite of my sexual impulses, which have occasionally felt like an addiction, the romantic side never entered my head.

Related: My life in sex: the woman who found yoga helped with orgasms

It took me half a lifetime to come to terms with my sexuality, which, at times, has felt like an unfathomable burden. I’ve recently decided to share it with a few trusted friends and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I guess the gay community would say I am gay; I would dispute that. I suspect there are many more guys out there like me.

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