This week on The Masked Singer, the Baby Alien sang “It’s Time” by Imagine Dragons, but even magical dragons could not have imagined who was pulling the strings behind that space-cadet helmet.
This mystery celebrity cosplayer’s comedic timing and puppet-mastery had the panel guessing that the Baby Alien could be Seth Green, Jason Biggs, David Schwimmer or Matt LeBlanc from Friends, Jeff Dunham, Ralph Macchio, Freddie Prinze Jr., Sacha Baron Cohen, or even Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Old-school fans of Fox TV’s last big singing show, American Idol, actually thought the Baby Alien’s vocals were strong enough to be Justin Guarini’s. But when the Baby Alien was finally de-helmeted at the end of Wednesday’s Group B playoffs, it turns out everyone was way off.
This baby-faced this rocketeer/puppeteer was in fact… former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez. “Man! We thought you were some superstar comedian!” gasped guest judge Joel McHale. “First of all, not just your comedic timing, and amazing European accent, but the puppetry — like, when did you become a puppet-master?” gasped host Nick Cannon.
Man, guessing The Masked Singer has been tough this season. No one suspected that last week’s Giraffe was Brian Austin Green, and I was so supremely confident that the Giraffe was Tommy Lee that I actually tried to pressure a confession out of the Motley Crüe drummer during a recent Yahoo Entertainment interview. Oops. So, all bets are off in Season 4. But I will do my best to figure out the rest of Group B below, before the guessing game begins anew next week with Group C.
The Serpent, “The Bones”
Judge Nicole Scherzinger was literally snotty-nosed from sobbing over this Maren Morris cover, but this remarkably soulful performance was nothing to sneeze at. This week, the Serpent slithered his way into America’s hearts — and possibly into the Season 4 finals.
The clues: When the Serpent was a young, struggling snakeling, he could “barely make rent.” There were also references to manual (or is that “Manuel”???) labor, doctors, and baby bottles. Compound that with the previous clues (self-help books, the Caribbean, “Serpent Sr.”), and it becomes clear who this reptilian rock star really is.
Judges’ guesses: Taye Diggs, Jessie Williams, Brian McKnight.
My guess: I’m doubling down on my previous guess of Hamilton thespian Leslie Odom Jr., who has also appeared in Once on This Island (which takes place in the Caribbean) and made his Broadway debut at age 17 in Rent. Leslie has struggled with finances; has played a doctor in Murder on the Orient Express and Grey’s Anatomy; is the author of the inspirational book Failing Up: How to Rise Above, Do Better, and Never Stop Learning; and is the father of a toddler. So, it seems obvious that the Serpent is the actor who once played historical snake Aaron Burr.
The Crocodile, “Toxic”
Judge Robin Thicke “felt fully seduced” by this sexy performance, but the entire panel was more surprised than seduced, because the Crocodile sounded completely different compared to his raspy, rawkin’ performance just two weeks ago. This croc star sang Britney’s banger almost entirely in falsetto, and it was impressive. It seems that the Crocodile is such a scaly shapeshifter, he should have been called the Chameleon instead.
The clues: His father didn’t believe in him, but the Crocodile eventually made his way to a “field of dreams.” There were also references to pirates, “shazam,” and dolphins (everyone seems to love dolphins on this show). Last time, the Crocodile said he was “thick-skinned” but “grew up in Hollywood surrounded by heartache and instability.”
Judges’ guesses: Adam Lambert, Lenny Kravitz, Harry Connick Jr.
My guesses: Last time I guessed Corey Feldman, but this high-pitched performance didn’t even sound like Corey in his prepubescent child-star years. However, the pirate flag could be a Goonies reference, and Corey’s father, Bob Feldman, was a famous songwriter and music producer known for hits like “My Boyfriend's Back” and “I Want Candy.” And Corey certainly had an unstable childhood. So, it could still be him. But “Fields of Joy” singer Lenny KRavitz isn’t a bad guess either. Lenny had a rocky relationship with his father, and the Crocodile’s falsetto did sound like him in “It’s Not Over Till It’s Over” mode. Apparently the guessing game isn’t over till it’s over for this one.
The Whatchamacallit, “Money Maker”
Let’s face it, a tie-dyed Cousin It twerking in earnest to a Ludacris party jam — while flanked by two inflatable-unicorn backup dancers — is just the energy we need in 2020. He may have been vocally outclassed this week by the Serpent, Crocodile, and Seahorse, but when it came to pure entertainment, the Whatchamacallit proved he has what it takes with this hair-raising performance.
The clues: Previous clues included Jell-O, bees, black panthers, and candy bars. This week, there were references to “hide and seek,” “bedtime stories,” “dope,” the movie Up, and being a mama’s boy. The Whatchamacallit also said he grew up listening to “Money Maker,” which came out in 2006 — which means this hirsute creature was likely born in the ‘90s.
Judges’ guesses: Cam Newton, Terrell Owens, Kyrie Irving, Armie Hammer.
My guess: I’m sticking with known wig enthusiast, Ludacris superfan, and “Dope Dealers”/“Up” hip-hop artist Tyler the Creator, who was born in 1991. He has rapped Dr. Seuss books on Jimmy Kimmel, and he brought his crying mama up onstage when he won a Grammy last year. Plus, he has printed bees and the Black Panther Party symbols on his merch, he once helmed a cartoon series called The Jellies, and he has another song that mentions candy bars. Looks like this rapper’s future will continue to remain very odd, as he competes on this show.
The Seahorse, “My Heart Will Go On”
It was a risky move for the Seahorse to take on perhaps the most titanic diva ballad of all time, but she didn’t sink and it was far from a disaster. Everyone was in fact shocked by how well she pulled it off. “I’ve been around some incredible vocalists in my life, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is probably one of the best vocals I’ve ever heard,” proclaimed Nick, a.k.a. the former Mr. Mariah Carey, while Nicole even declared the Seahorse “the best vocalist we’ve ever had on the show.”
The clues: She used to be the “chicken of the sea,” but now she’s “fearless.” This “ain’t her first rodeo,” and she has “spilled her soul on the page.” We also saw feathers, dolphins… and tiny denim shorts.
Judges’ guesses: Bebe Rexha, Pia Toscano, Camila Cabello, Jessica Simpson, Christina Perri.
My guesses: Could this actually be Jessica Simpson? The “chicken of the sea” line and Daisy Duke cutoffs seemed way too obvious — especially this early in the season — so that could all be a ploy to throw viewers off the Seahorse’s scent. But this week’s performance did sound a bit like Jessica in her “I Wanna Love You Forever” balladeer heyday; she did have a song called “Fearless”; and she did write a juicy autobiography. The feathers could symbolize Jessica’s daughter, Birdie, and the “rodeo” comment could be a nod to her Southern roots. So, it all adds up. But I’m calling it maybe — because the Seahorse’s previous clues (“tug of war,” “emotion,” an LGBTQ+ rainbow) all seemed to point to Carly Rae Jepsen. Either way, I have a feeling that we won’t be finding out the Seahorse’s true identity until the grand finale, because she’s that good.
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