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Woman shares her painful experience of being pregnant and having an eating disorder

(Getty)
(Getty)

Penelope is 22 weeks pregnant. At this point, most pregnant women are beginning to share their exciting baby news with friends and family — not to mention showing off that adorable bump. But for this 33-year-old from Australia, that unfortunately hasn’t been the case.

For 12 years, Penelope has battled OSFED (other specified feeding and eating disorders), an eating disorder that presents many of the same symptoms as other disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia or binge eating disorder. And while she courageously came out on the other side of the disease back in 2009, being pregnant and dealing with hyperemesis gravidarum, a severe form of morning sickness, she has quickly relapsed, bringing along a side of depression and anxiety.

ALSO SEE: Could your obsession with healthy eating be orthorexia?

“My body was reacting in its own way to pregnancy, purging and restricting foods,” she says in an article written for Essential Baby. “I became more body weight obsessed with each day. When my husband served dinner, I would secretly relish the fact that the nausea overwhelming me would stop me from eating, therefore stopping me from worrying about putting on weight.”

(Image: supplied)
(Image: supplied)
(Image: supplied)
(Image: supplied)

Penelope’s situation became so dire that she completely lost her baby bump, with her weight dropping from 110 to 88 lbs, and started experiencing concerning symptoms like dehydration and confusion.

“I sat in the delivery suite of the hospital feeling blank. I was disconnected from my pregnancy and even confided in my obstetrician that I wanted to terminate. I was in a place so far away from the initial excitement and elation that I had shared with my husband at the beginning of my pregnancy … it felt like I was completely removed from the life that was growing inside me.”

ALSO SEE: My Eating Disorder Wasn’t About Body Image

Admittedly, pregnancy hasn’t been easy for Penelope and more than once she has contemplated suicide. It’s only been after finally admitting to herself that her eating disorder had returned that she was able to begin dealing with her situation.

Happy and healthy before her pregnancy (Image: supplied)
Happy and healthy before her pregnancy (Image: supplied)

“I felt so ashamed – I’d gone from being a happy, confident person to completely unravelling.,” she says. “t’s been hard to come to terms with everything that has happened during my pregnancy. I still have many months to come, but fortunately my support system is there, helping me at every obstacle.”

ALSO SEE: This pregnant model is being shamed over her ‘too small’ baby bump

Going forward, Penelope has found meal planning a beneficial way to stay on top of her eating disorder, opting for lots of smoothies packed with nutrients that her husband prepares for her so she doesn’t actually have to see what goes into them.

“I’ve been receiving much positive feedback regarding the articles, however, along the way there is been much negative feedback too,” she tells Yahoo Canada.

With her husband Trevor (Image: supplied)
With her husband Trevor (Image: supplied)

“Unfortunately, there is a notion that eating disorders are diets and some people don’t understand that they are in fact a mental illness and a coping mechanism or a way to ‘stay in control’ of an emotional state, so this is was something I’d had to prepare myself before going public with my story and journey.”

That said, she’s happy to share her story and hopes that it will help spread awareness and reach others who may also be going through a similar situation.

If you think you may be experiencing symptoms of an eating disorder, please reach out to the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC), a Canadian non-profit that provides resources on eating disorders and weight preoccupation.