Platonic Co-Parenting Is the Latest Trend for Singles Who Want to Start a Family Together
Romance-free parenting: It sounds like what happens when your marriage goes south and you're "staying together for the kids," but, for some, it's a much more deliberate choice.
"Platonic parenting" is actually one of the latest interpretations of family in America. As Britany Robinson at the Washington Post explains, the partnership involves "two or more people who join forces for the sole reason of having and raising a child."
The fact is, people in their 20s and 30s aren't as willing to settle down as their predecessors once were. They're waiting longer to get married, and they're having fewer babies than previous generations. According to a Pew Research poll, 29% of single adults ages 25-34 said they aren't married because they haven't found what they're looking for. That percentage jumps even higher (41%) for singles 35 and older. When you've reached the stage of life where you're ready and willing to reproduce, but haven't yet developed the ideal romantic relationship in which to do so, what's a single gal to do?
Skipping love and marriage altogether, and going straight to the baby carriage, is one option. Like the online matchmaking companies of the late '90s and early 2000s, a slew of websites have cropped up in recent years with the goal of helping single adults find suitable, compatible co-parenting partners within their networks.
Modamily, for example-the first such site in North America-is a community for potential moms and dads to likeminded people with similar values and parenting styles. Competitors include Family By Design, Coparents, PollenTree, and Pride Angel, which is geared towards the LGBT community. It's worth noting that many of the sites recommend getting legal advice and an agreement in writing before starting a co-parenting partnership.
Modamily claims its environment "removes the stress and pressures associated with feeling" that marriage needs to precede having kids. According to the Washington Post, since its launch in 2012, the site has resulted in at least 50 babies.
Tatijana Busic, 35, is one success story. A single mom with a child from a previous relationship, Busic told WaPo she wanted a second child and didn't have a lot of free time to look for a partner. She connected with Brendan Schulz, 44, a gay man who was also looking for a co-parent, on Modamily. Now they have a son, Milo, together.
Just like any relationship, theirs requires trust. Being co-parents has forced them to outline their parenting styles and have conversations that romantic partners might gloss over. They joke that neither is allowed to get into a romantic relationship before Milo's first birthday.
"We've created something that's so full of love, so wholesome," Busic said.
"I had hoped for a strong friendship [with Busic]," said Schulz. "But our relationship has far exceeded my expectations. We're family."
(h/t Washington Post)
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