Roxane Gay on Tough Love, and Being an Acquired Taste
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Once upon a time there was a girlfriend, and during our breakup she told me I was an acquired taste. She was not paying me a compliment.
Those words stayed with me for years. They filled me with doubt about my suitability for, well, most anything. And soon I started referring to myself as an acquired taste, as a means, I think, of apologizing in advance for my shortcomings.
In truth, all of our tastes are acquired. Some tastemakers act as if they were simply born with impeccable taste, that they inherently understand what is good and bad, what matters and what doesn’t. The myth of the aesthetic ingenue is alluring, but it doesn’t impress me nearly as much as people who develop their taste through experiencing the world and developing an original point of view overtime. And all too often taste is used as a cudgel to force conformity, to create a social hierarchy in which those with the right tastes are culturally valued and those with the wrong tastes are not.
We now have a cultural obsession with universality. There is a dangerous tendency to conflate representation and inclusion with universality. I am not interested in much of anything that will appeal to everyone. Universal appeal is a dreary, bland thing. It has no sharp edges, no flawed surfaces. It is indistinct and unmemorable. Things that are universally appealing are unacquired tastes. They don’t require any real consideration. They are easily discarded.
I remember that breakup distinctly not because I’m still sad about it but because, as my ex was detailing everything about me she found too difficult to appreciate, a very small part of me knew she was talking about the best, most interesting parts of me. A very small part of me knew she was doing me a favor. Over time that very small part grew, and I came to understand that acquired tastes may be more challenging, but they are also infinitely more valuable.
This story originally appeared in the 2021 October issue of Town & Country. Subscribe Now
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