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'Self-absorbed': Trevor Noah explains how Joe Exotic and Trump are the same

Trevor Noah

On Monday’s Daily Social Distancing Show, Trevor Noah discussed “the only story that everybody’s talking about right now”: Tiger King, “the new Netflix series that’s somehow even more viral than Covid-19”. The five-hour docuseries taking over conversations across America is “the most fascinating show you’ve ever seen,” said Noah – it exposes the sordid and loopy world of exotic animal breeding in America, while also “answering the question: what would happen if meth smoked itself?”

After binging all seven episodes this week, Noah emerged with a few realizations: “One, this is what happens when white people have no black friends,” he said. “And two, Joe Exotic is not only one of the weirdest people you will ever meet in your life, he could also be president of the United States.”

Joe Exotic, the star of the series, has “all of the character traits of a commander in chief”, Noah explained, such as the fact that he makes everything about himself and that, like Donald Trump, he’s “self-absorbed, he’s disorganized, he’s obsessed with conspiracy theories.

“But maybe the most presidential thing about Joe Exotic is that he loves portraying himself as an expert in his field, when the truth is, he has no idea what he’s talking about. He’s just winging it, which again, should feel very familiar,” Noah said before video of the president, in a recent press conference, attempting to sow confusion over what coronavirus is.

“So look, I know Joe Exotic is in prison right now,” Noah concluded. “But if he ever somehow manages to get out, I’m hoping that he becomes president of the United States. Because yes, yes, he might be just as crazy as Trump, but at least if he’s in the White House, we’re gonna see tigers.”

Stephen Colbert

“It’s good to be back,” Stephen Colbert said in his first full Late Show episode since coronavirus halted production. “What have I missed? Anything big?”

Still in his signature suit, filmed by his son and daughter, Colbert broadcast from the Late Show’s temporary set: “the historic Ed Sullivan My House”, his home in New Jersey.

“Now I know a lot of you out there are stressed because we’re all in isolation and no one knows how long this is going to last,” Colbert said, “but I have a simple message for all of you: America, you got this. You have been training for this moment your whole lives. Every canceled plan, every 2am Netflix binge, every Grubhub order from across the restaurant across the street, it was for this! We’re Americans – there’s nothing we do better than not doing things.”

And there’s been some good to come out of all this, Colbert said. It’s a golden age for pets – Colbert’s boykin spaniel Benny made a brief rambunctious appearance – and there’s moving footage of New Yorkers from across the city applauding healthcare workers. “That is beautiful,” said Colbert of the videos. “I have never been more moved by applause that wasn’t for me.

“Now, every American is grateful for all of our heroic medical workers, and we want to make sure they get all the supplies they need. All of us want that. Well, except for this one guy,” Colbert said, cutting to a video of Trump wondering if masks were disappearing “out the back door”.

“Really? Accusing medical workers of stealing masks?” Colbert said. “That’s like frisking Mother Theresa on her way out of the orphanage.”

Jimmy Kimmel

In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel returned to the airwaves from “the only room in my house not encrusted in Play-Doh right now”.

First, Kimmel addressed Trump’s tweet-brag on Sunday that huge, Bachelor-size audiences were watching his press conferences: “Just because people are watching you doesn’t mean it’s good. Have you heard of The Masked Singer?”

Meanwhile states are anxious over dwindling medical supplies such as masks, gloves and ventilators, yet Trump, “because he can’t ever be at fault for anything, has suggested that someone at the hospitals must be stealing them”, said Kimmel, referencing Trump’s press conference in which he wondered if masks were “going out the back door”.

“What on earth? Is he implying that after work, these nurses get off their 12-hour shifts and steal masks so they can go sand a deck in their backyard?” asked Kimmel. “You know when you overhear something at another table at a restaurant that’s so crazy you want to say something, but your wife tells you not to and then you think about it all night? Our president is the guy sitting at that table.”

Seth Meyers

And on Late Night, Seth Meyers also addressed Trump’s ratings ego-trip. “You’re comparing your pandemic briefings to The Bachelor?” Meyers ranted. “Because at this point, I’d rather go to Peter’s mom, Barb, for coronavirus updates.

“People aren’t tuning in because they love you,” Meyers added. “People are tuning in because they are trapped inside and their only choice is watching you or digging through Netflix trying to find a British crime show they haven’t seen yet.”

Later, Meyers welcomed Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders to the show via video chat, and the senator from Vermont explained his viral speech on the Senate floor blasting Republicans for voting against some provisions in the recent economic stimulus bill. “We had some of my Republican colleagues say: ‘Imagine, there will be some low-income workers who would actually earn more from their unemployment check than they previously did when they made $10, $12 an hour. We can’t allow that to happen!’” Sanders said. “And to me, that is so ugly, so grotesque, so immoral that I felt compelled to speak out about it.”