Shopping Addicts Are Revealing What They Wish Everyone Knew About Their Struggle, And I'm Genuinely Shocked By Their Honesty
I recently asked members of the BuzzFeed Community who suffer from shopping addictions to share what they wish more people knew about their experiences. The responses ranged from enlightening to downright heartbreaking.
As someone who relies on retail therapy to raise my spirits every once in a while, I feel like I now better understand the dangers of using shopping as a means of emotional regulation. Here are a few of the standout responses that really shed light on this often-ignored addiction and provide a little more context for non-shopping addicts:
Note: Not all submissions are from the BuzzFeed Community. Some are from this Reddit Thread.
1."What non-overshopping addicts truly don't get is that you can't totally quit shopping like alcohol or drugs. It's a matter of becoming CONTROLLED. And this is super tricky!"
"What does control look like? When are you allowed to impulse buy like regular people? For some, it's living within a budget, but many overshoppers can't afford what they are spending on and also save. It's a pendulum swing. 'Am I buying too much, or am I depriving myself?' Am I telling myself a story to justify this, or do I really need it?' I work with over 100 compulsive shoppers a year, and this is a super hard struggle for everyone — hitting that point of confidence when they know they're truly thinking through a buy."
2."Shopping addiction is a compulsive behavior just like any other addiction. It provides the same cycle of temporary reward and joy when you get your 'hit' followed by shame and depression. Brain chemicals don't discriminate, and a shopping addiction can be just as destructive as drugs or alcohol."
3."When I shop or buy things, I don't realize my money is decreasing until I'm done shopping. I also believe that everything I buy will have a purpose and I promise you...I know it doesn't in the end."
4."Trust me when I say that I try my best to be thrifty and frugal. But as you get older, there are just so few things to look forward to. When I order something through the mail (or even at the store), it gives me something to look forward to. It’s pretty apparent that the market is crashing, and we’re probably headed for another recession…so eff it. My happiness is worth the $15 dress or whatever knick-knack I buy that day."
—Anonymous, 34
5."It's a dopamine fix for people with ADHD. We literally get a rush from shopping and then kick ourselves for buying stuff."
—Anonymous
6."I struggled with a shopping addiction for years, but it manifested in the form of thrifting every single day and justifying $20+ purchases EVERY DAY because I was thrifting, so it was cheaper."
"I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t until I came home from work (with more clothes I thrifted) and couldn’t even open the door to my room because my buys had stacked up to the point that they covered my floor wall to wall that I realized what an issue it was. I wish people understood that, in my head, it is justified. I found no issue with it. How could I? It was a dopamine rush."
—Anonymous, 25, Texas
7."My addiction is from a couple of different causes. Depression from undiagnosed ADD, which caused me to feel worthless when it came to school, PTSD from an SA in college, an unpredictable home situation, and low self-esteem. The psychiatrist I saw had me on so many meds that I was on the verge of a manic state when I got anxious, and I was anxious a lot."
"I was also lonely. I never felt confident that my friends liked me as a real friend or someone they could feel sorry for and make fun of. Shopping made me feel good; the salespeople were so friendly and helpful, which is what they are when they see a big spender walk through the doors. It was a rush (of serious anxiety, I later learned) to see if my credit card could handle the purchase. At one point, I got tired of never feeling like I was improving or getting better with my current psychiatrist or other doctors, so I quit all my medications. I don’t recommend quitting the meds cold turkey; I felt like I had been hit by a car. I got a new medical team, and because the meds were out of my system, a completely new diagnosis. With meds that work for ADD and counseling to deal with the impulse and self-esteem issues, I’m doing much better. If I feel like I’m having a low impulse day, I stay home, away from emails. I am still paying off a college tuition-sized debt. I can’t open new cards or lines of credit."
—Anonymous, 50, St. Louis
8."I wish I were a different person, with a different life. But making actual change is too hard. Buying stuff for the person I wish I was is easy. If I have the outfit, maybe the fun outings and hobbies and friends will somehow appear. Maybe I'll be fitter, neater, more confident, more charismatic, more interesting, more creative..."
9."I have no impulse control and have a bad habit of hyper fixating on items. Once I hyper-fixate, I literally can’t function until I own it. Then it’s onto the next thing."
10."I think, for me, it's largely about proving that I am not powerless. Coming from an abusive home as a child, I felt powerless. My mother used money to control everything."
"My father sent her money frequently for the children, but we never saw a cent. She wouldn't grocery shop, so my brother had to take money from her purse to stock our fridge (he was already the one cooking meals for us at 12 years old while she stayed in her bed all day). I wore my brother's second-hand clothes all the way through to grade eight. GRADE FUCKING EIGHT. A girl, wearing boys' clothes. I had no friends. When I got my first paycheck from a teenage job, I went wild. I bought everything I ever wanted but never had money to get. I bought myself new clothes. New shoes. The list went on. That first taste of 'power' and what I thought was 'real' autonomy made me feel like I was finally 'free.' I was 15. From then on, my relationship with money and shopping was entangled, with me feeling like I had control. Then followed two decades of struggling with a shopping addiction. While I was never in debt after the first initial $5,000 credit card I paid off, at one point my addiction almost destroyed my marriage."
11."It calms me intensely. And then, if I start binging, it becomes this manic, addictive thing where I can’t stop until I feel shame over the packages, stuff, and money. Then, I start the return cycle, and if I’m smart, I take a break. I’m on a break now! But it’s only been a few weeks."
12."Gift-giving is a major love language of mine, and my shopping addiction has taken that and warped it."
"I use shopping as a crutch when I’m feeling bad/use it in place of alcohol and drugs now that I’m sober. I cut up my one credit card today, though, after hitting a wall…I’m just over it. It’s not even fun anymore and I want to change."
13."When I was younger (maybe around middle school age), I always wanted to wear the nice North Face jackets and pink leggings all the other girls my age were wearing. I wanted to have nice things, but all my parents could afford was thrifted clothing."
"Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with thrifting, and I understand that because of my parent's income, we couldn’t afford those things. I guess my shopping addiction sources from hating the feeling of not being able to afford or have something. Now that I can afford things I kind of go overboard…"
14."I never realized I was addicted to shopping until it was too late. I’d spend money to fill the void of failure and regret. The dopamine would kick in, and that was that. I’d want more and more…"
"I’d go to stores like Ross, T.J. Maxx, and Homegoods and convince myself that if I didn’t get it now, I’d never see it again. Had to justify the purchase, you know? As of right now, I’ve been working on it, and I’m doing okay. Still, much more work needed."
If you've also experienced shopping addiction, share in the comments if you feel comfortable. More information and resources on shopping addiction can be found here.
