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Teenage Magazine’s advice columnist victim-shamed a rape victim seeking advice

Teenage mag nov issue
Teenage mag nov issue

Aunt agony columns are great for two things — juicy personal stories and excellent life advice. However, a recent reader of Teenage Magazine found nothing but horror on both fronts.

The Singapore-based magazine, which publishes an advice column titled “Dear Kelly” in each issue, printed a reader’s letter confessing that she lied to her parents about a sleepover at a boy’s house and was raped by said boy.

Dear Kelly question
Dear Kelly question

But instead of receiving a compassionate and empathetic response or advice on what action to take and resources available, the writer received a reply that was the exact opposite. The response, instead, blamed her for what happened, defended the assaulter and even labelled the victim “naive” and “inexperienced.”

Here are snippets from “Kelly’s” reply:

Kelly advice 1
Kelly advice 1

Perhaps someone should advise Kelly that not requesting for the lights to be turned on is not an invitation for sex. Neither is being drunk, dancing, kissing or acting like “a girl who has been around.”

Kelly advice 3
Kelly advice 3

Not only did “Kelly” chastise the writer for being “naive” for a polytechnic student, she adds that the writer was “expected to know what happens when a girl agrees to stay over at a guy’s house when only the two of them are in residence.”

Uh, I believe you mean respectful and consensual cohabitation.

Kelly advice 2
Kelly advice 2

To make matters worse, “Kelly” defends the attacker saying, “you can’t blame him for thinking a sexual connection was all right with you… His point is that he never misled you.”

Kelly advice 4
Kelly advice 4

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), two out of three sexual assaults go unreported for reasons like abuser retaliation, low conviction rates and as “Kelly” so eloquently says, “most people won’t believe you are so innocent.”

But wait, there’s more.

Kelly advice 5
Kelly advice 5

Despite the trauma suffered and the writer penning “I just want to die, Kelly,” “Kelly” assures her that she should be “grateful that he wore a condom so there is little fear of an unplanned pregnancy and contracting a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD).”

Let that sink in for a moment.

Kelly advice 6
Kelly advice 6

The only advice offered from “Kelly” was that the victim was “better off staying close to home” and that she should inform her best friend about her “plans and schemes.”

She also tells the writer that she expects “[she] will no do anything foolish again.”

Naturally, angry readers clapped back with a firestorm of Facebook posts and tweets, calling out the magazine for victim blaming and encouraging rape culture.


Facebook post
Facebook post

The magazine has since issued an apology on Facebook but prefaced it with “the Dear Kelly advice column has always been an open space for troubled teenagers to share their stories and in turn, receive Kelly’s tough love, and no-nonsense advice.”

That said, they’ve also acknowledged that victim-blaming and rape is simply unacceptable and stated that they “would like to make amends. By continuously speaking out and raising awareness about youth issues that have long been swept under the rug. Starting with this.”

What do you think of “Kelly’s” advice? Let us know by tweeting us @YahooStyleCA.