Last season on The Masked Singer, everyone thought the Taco was Bob Saget — but beneath that hard outer shell lurked another seasoned America’s Funniest Home Videos host, Tom Bergeron. On this week’s Season 4 Group C playoffs, however, the Squiggly Monster — described by Nick Cannon as “Beetlejuice on steroids,” though I was getting Mummechantz-on-acid vibes — did in fact turn out to be the self-described “father figure and scoundrel” from Full House.
Saget rocked that kooky costume and even executed some moves like Jagger during his playoffs performance of “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” but in the end that Stones song was all too prophetic, as the Squiggly Monster was no match for the monster vocals of the Mushroom and Jellyfish or the Vegas-style showmanship of the Broccoli. (Perhaps he should have covered a Jesse & The Rippers song instead?)
While several of this season’s reveals have been major shockers (I still can’t believe the Giraffe was Brian Austin Green!!!), this Wednesday, four of the five panelists — including a special guest judge, Season 2 champ Wayne “The Fox” Brady — easily guessed that the Squiggly Monster was the artist formerly known as Danny Tanner. A couple of the judges even had sentimental personal ties to Saget. Former doctor Ken Jeong told Bob, “I know you won't even remember this, but I was moonlighting at [comedy club] the Laugh Factory, going up and doing open mics, and you actually saw my act, like, 20 years ago. And you were so supportive.” And Robin Thicke revealed, “Bob actually did a speech at my father's rehearsal dinner for his second wedding, so Bob and I go way back. So, it was the voice and the sense of humor that gave it away.”
However, Wednesday’s other Group C mystery singers were a bit tougher to suss out. But let’s give it a try below:
The Mushroom, “If I Could Turn Back Time”
This fun guy sounded totally different from last week, when he sang almost entirely in a spectacular falsetto during his rendition of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work.” This week’s Cher cover was not quite as spectacular, with the Mushroom’s voice resting in its more natural lower range, but that huge sustained note at the end was clearly the work of a pro, earning a five-judge standing ovation. Nick declared, “We are in the presence of greatness,” and judge Jenny McCarthy-Wahlberg called the Mushroom “unbeatable.”
The clues: We had tons of Mean Girls references from this “high school outcast” who later “embraced being a nerd.” Visual clues included a tiara, black beetles (or roaches), rhinestone-studded Elton John glasses, orange juice, and a brain-shaped Jell-O mold. Last week’s clues, for those keeping track, included a talent contest, hot dogs, and orange curtains.
Judges’ guesses: Donald Glover, Adam Lambert (stop guessing Adam already!), Jaden Smith.
My guess: Last week’s falsetto made me think this might be D’Angelo. This week, the “outcast” clue had me guessing Kate Bush superfan Big Boi or his high-voiced Outkast bandmate, Andre 3000. But now I realize this is probably N.E.R.D.’s Pharrell Williams, who was discovered by Teddy Riley in a high school talent show; produced two songs on the Mean Girls soundtrack; collaborated with “Black Beatles” rapper Rae Sremmurd; has a line of orange athletic footwear and a children’s TV show called Brainchild; and whose unofficial Neptunes fan site is called Hot Dog High. Plus, the former Voice coach does have a great voice!
The Broccoli, “Hello”
This Catskills-style crooner/cutup showcased what Robin called his more “sensitive side” as he sweetly serenaded smitten panelist Nicole Scherzinger. All that was missing was a lumpen art-class clay bust from Lionel Richie’s original music video.
The clues: There were references to Vegas (including a roulette wheel landing on Black 26), Italian food (including a pizza topped with Canadian bacon), Goodfellas, the Copacabana, Broadway, “Frank,” and taxi drivers. The Broccoli once had dinner with a “legendary friend, the big cheese,” when he was asked to “help on a final project.” Last week, he boasted that he has performed with “the biggest artists in the world” on “many stages,” plus we saw a mariachi trio, which might have been a Three Amigos clue.
Judges’ guesses: Wayne Newton, Martin Short, Jason Alexander, Barry Manilow.
My guess: Honestly, I really wish this was Dahlia Sin, a.k.a. the “fierce brock-ally” from RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 12. (The Broccoli stole her lewk!) But you know what? The judges guess Canadian Frankenweenie/Broadway star Martin Short every season… and, just how the oft-mentioned Sherri Shepherd eventually did show up as the Penguin, I predict that the judges’ perseverance and process of elimination is about to pay off, and it really is Martin this time around. Give the Broccoli a C, a bouncy C!
The Jellyfish, “Crazy”
Last week, the Jellyfish was quivering like a bowl of raw plankton onstage, but during this week’s Patsy Cline cover, she demonstrated newfound confidence and star quality. I used to assume that this exquisite sea creature was an amateur, but now I think she might be rising young pop star.
The clues: The Jellyfish is from a loving and supportive family, and her dad “taught her life hacks” and “engineered her world” and used to whisk her away at 3 a.m. to “gigs in faraway lands.” Visual clues included a ship called the “U.S.S. Big Bird,” a Thriller-style tiger, yoga mats, and cereal. Last week’s clues package mentioned her yearning to break free from her “gilded cage,” and we also saw folding fans, a tiara, a flower crown, baby powder, and bubbles. (Or is that... Bubbles???)
Judges’ guesses: Kate Hudson, Sofia Richie, Lana Condor, Jamie Lynn Spears, Halle Bailey.
My guesses: This could be Noah Cyrus (it sounds like her, plus the bubble-dancer onstage reminded me of her sister Miley’s besties, the Flaming Lips)… but I have a hunch this is yoga enthusiast Paris Jackson, who is about to drop her debut solo album.
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