Transgender Woman Meets Her Match With Transgender Man
A transgender woman who struggled for years to find love has finally met the man of her dreams — and he used to be a girl.
Jamie O’Herlihy, 23, knew she was a girl trapped in the wrong body from the age of 6 but officially came out in August 2015, after identifying as gay from the age of 14.
But O’Herlihy, a dancer and bartender in Dublin, Ireland, found romantic relationships difficult, as it felt wrong being seen as a man, and decided she would stay single until she was confident she would be loved as a woman.
After three years of being alone, O’Herlihy met Harry Matthews, 24, at a trans training program that they had both almost backed out of attending at the last minute — and said it was “kind of” love at first sight.
“It is like fate brought us together. We had both booked to do this week of workshops and activities for all different aspects of being transgender, but we got cold feet at the last minute,” said O’Herlihy.
“I almost backed out of it and had to be really talked into going. I didn’t know this at the time, but Harry was going through exactly the same.
“It was love at first sight — well, kind of,” explained O’Herlihy. “It turns out we’d both actually noticed each other on the event’s Facebook page before going, but I didn’t realize just how cute he was until he walked in with his suitcase.
“We spent the whole of that week together. We were instantly inseparable, and we have bonded really quickly.
“It is very emotional going through this transition, so when you’re both experiencing it you can form such strong emotional connections quite quickly, so he’s already seen my ugly crying face and he thinks I’m beautiful anyway.
“It might seem like our relationship is going pretty quickly because we’ve only been together a few months, but it just feels so right.”
Matthews, who had been single himself for two years, came out as trans at the age of 19 and is almost fully transitioned, having completed hormone therapy and most of his gender-reassignment surgeries.
As O’Herlihy is just about to begin her journey toward being a fully transitioned woman, Matthews is keen to share his experiences with her and for their love to provide support and safety.
Matthews, who works in marketing, has even taken a job in Dublin, moving from Belfast in Northern Ireland to be closer to O’Herlihy.
Matthews explained, “We have such a special connection — we have done since the moment we met. We completely understand what the other is going through. No matter how we’re feeling, we can be what the other needs because we both just get it.
“Even though we’re at very different points in our transition, we are such a big emotional support to each other. Having someone who makes you as happy as Jamie makes me is always important, but especially when you’re going through something this challenging.
“And the fact I’m further along means I can reassure her about things. She was terrified of having surgery, but I’ve been able to tell her that it’s not that scary because the end result makes you happier than you have ever been before.”
The couple have a lot in common from their childhoods. They never conformed to their birth genders, with O’Herlihy favoring Disney princesses and dress-up over football and Matthews shunning girly dresses and makeup.
But they’ve faced very different challenges along the way.
O’Herlihy has a sister named Chloe, 20, who used to be her brother Daniel — and the siblings both announced they were transgender to family and friends at the same time last summer.
Their mother, Sarah, has always been supportive and never questioned their choices.
“Our mom has been so supportive, though she does worry that it’s a difficult journey, and she’s concerned about us having operations,” O’Herlihy said.
“But otherwise she’s amazing. I don’t think she feels she’s lost her sons — we’re still the same people, just happier.”
However, O’Herlihy has struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, worsened by a few experiences of transphobic abuse while she was out in Dublin.
Matthews, on the other hand, has never been the victim of any transphobia from strangers but struggled to get his family to accept his transformation.
“When I was younger my mum would fight with me to get me into dresses, but all I wanted to do was run around topless in shorts,” he says. “Everyone put it down to me being a tomboy.
“My teen years were very tough, and I came out as gay, but by 19 I couldn’t hide how I was feeling any more and came out as transgender. My family really struggled with it. They are very religious, so who I am really conflicts with what they believe in.
“We stopped talking for a few years and are starting to rebuild our relationships now. It’s a long and tough process, but we’re getting there.”
O’Herlihy and Matthews now have their very own YouTube channel, ThatTransCouple, where they share their experience of day-to-day life as a transgender couple and help other people struggling with their gender identity.
“We are both so happy, it is unbelievable,” said O’Herlihy. “I never expected to meet someone that makes me feel like this, and we both really care for and support each other. No one has ever taken care of me the way he does.”
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