Using Two Separate Duvets Could Save Your Relationship, According to Sleep Doctors
My husband and I fought a nightly battle over our covers for years. He's a self-described covers hog, while I'm always cold, regardless of the season, and a light sleeper. Playing a nightly game of tug-of-war was part of our routine, and I'd jolt awake several times just to yank my half back. I thought it would go on like this forever, but then we adopted a pair of dogs who often jumped into the mix, quite literally, when they slept with us.
After what felt like endless sleepless nights, I decided to end the scuffle two years ago — I didn't ask my husband to sleep in a separate room, but I did suggest we stop sharing our bedding. How exactly did that work, you might ask? I started by finding two twin-sized duvets for our king-sized bed. It may seem like a small change, but it’s had a big impact on our sleep and relationship, for us both. We wake up more rested these days, and the change was noticeable almost immediately after we ditched our single duvet. And I feel much more energetic and focused during the day.
Why two blankets on one bed might work:
Cover-hogging was just one factor that made sleeping together harder for us — but it also may impact other couples, too. Snoring, separate bedtimes, sleep conditions and different bedtime rituals are other issues we all face. One in three Americans say their bed partner negatively affects their sleep, according to the Better Sleep Council. That’s a huge problem if you consider it, as most Americans are already sleep deprived. According to the American Sleep Association, 35.3% of adults get less than seven hours of sleep a night; seven to nine hours is recommended.
Before you get a sleep divorce and stop sharing a bed altogether, think about the role your bedding plays in your sleeplessness. Could separate duvets and top sheets solve the issue? More and more research suggests it may help you sleep better, improve your mood and your relationship.
Rafael Pelayo, M.D., a sleep specialist and clinical professor at the Stanford Center for Sleep Sciences and Medicine, says he will recommend separate bedding for couples struggling with sleep. "When I make the suggestion — maybe use separate covers so they don’t fight over the covers — they kind of look at you quizzically, like it's such an obvious thing to suggest, but it didn't occur to them," he tells Good Housekeeping. "It's not a routine recommendation, but if somebody is telling me that they're having concerns about one person moving too much or they're uncomfortable in their bed because they're fighting over covers, I suggest, why can't you get two blankets? It seems to make sense."
The science of sharing a bed, and why separate bedding may help:
Sleep is a biological need, but Pelayo explains that sleep preferences, like our favorite type of bedding, our preferred side of the bed or ideal sleeping temperature, are learned behaviors. Comfortable sleep environments are individual to each person, too, and don’t always match your partner's, which creates problems later on.
“A comfortable sleeping environment is one that is cool enough, quiet enough and dark enough,” says Terri Riutcel, M.D., an associate professor of neurology at the Sleep Medicine Center at the Washington University School of Medicine. “When it comes to setting the thermostat for night time, bed partners may disagree on what constitutes comfortable. In that case, separate duvets or blankets allow each partner to personalize their sleeping space.” Sleeping together is an intimate experience that strengthens partnerships and provides a sense of safety and security, Dr. Riutcel adds, and in many relationships, sharing a bed is calming and reassuring. But misaligned sleep habits and lack of sleep can have the opposite effect on relationships over time. Sleep loss decreases empathy, worsens mood and degrades concentration and memory, she explains.
One problem, Dr. Pelayo says, is that couples usually set (and stick to) their bed-sharing habits early on in a relationship, like choosing a specific side of the bed. “When you first start a relationship, people tend to go to bed at the same time, get out of it at the same time, and it's fun and it's exciting,” he suggests. Then, they realize their sleep habits don’t truly align. One person may be a night owl, while the other likes an early bedtime; it may become clear that shared bedding isn't ideal, either.
Research on sharing beds and sleep quality is limited, but does suggest a possible connection. A study published in June in Frontiers in Psychiatry analyzed the sleep habits of 12 couples and did find that sharing a bed increased rapid-eye movement (REM) sleep, the stage connected to vivid dreams, emotion regulation, memory and problem solving, for both individuals. It may suggest that sleeping apart is more harmful than you could imagine; that being said, previous research shared in Sleep and Biological Rhythms finds that sharing a sleeping space can particularly impact women's sleep. Women are more likely than men to have insomnia, a sleep disorder causing trouble falling asleep, waking up too early or feeling unrested after sleep. Pelayo says women tend to sleep lighter, and usually take on more parenting duties during the night, which can hinder sleep. And menopause also causes sleep problems.
Fariha Abbasi-Feinberg, M.D., a board member at the American Academy of Sleep Medicine and medical director of sleep medicine at Millennium Physician Group, says research shows that couples who try to push through the discomfort may be setting themselves up for disaster. "Studies have shown that those in relationships, who consistently experience poor sleep are more likely to engage in conflict with their partners,” Dr. Abbasi-Feinberg adds.
Taking the time to align your sleep habits, especially bedding preferences, will help couples improve their sleep routines — and may address the added challenges that women face. “Some individuals may have a preference when it comes to body temperature at night, and using separate blankets can help with that,” she says. “Or you might sleep with a partner who is a blanket hog, therefore having your own blanket could be beneficial.”
How to start using separate bedding at home:
Sleeping with separate bedding is more common outside the U.S., especially in European countries, and is frequently found in Scandanvian culture. Why the practice hasn’t become the norm in the United States is anyone’s guess. Lexie Sachs, the Good Housekeeping Institute's textiles director, speculates that it might have to do with marketing. “Brands are not commonly showing this as an option, so most consumers probably haven’t even thought of buying separate bedding within the same bed,” she says.
Sachs says that separate bedding works best if you sleep in a king-sized bed, because it's equal in size to two twin duvets. This is how I set up my own bedding in my home: We have separate twin duvets with washable covers, and if it's a chilly season, I may add an extra blanket on my side (I'm the cold sleeper!). Personally, my husband and I don't use a top sheet anymore.
Forgoing the top sheet has become a bedding industry trend, but is somewhat controversial for some, Sachs admits. If you want a top sheet and your partner doesn’t, make the bed with the top sheet and one person can sleep on top of it. “My husband and I actually did this a lot only because he doesn’t like a top sheet but I did — a few years ago, I gave up the top sheet altogether because it was one extra thing to wash in the laundry!” she shares.
Separating bedding works with other size beds, too, but is a little trickier. Two twin duvets or comforters is still the best option, Sachs says, “Though they’ll hang over the bed a bit.” Another approach is to go for a product specifically designed for splitting covers, like the Ervet system. This duvet and cover set connects in the center with magnets, so it looks like a single comforter when you make your bed, but can be separated when it’s time to sleep. And, you can mix and match comforter weights, so everyone gets their ideal bedding.
Sachs says some people may not like the look of a twin duvet duo when they make their bed, so she recommends purchasing a lightweight coverlet or quilt to go on top. “It might sound strange, but plenty of people have decorative pillows that they don’t sleep on, so this would serve the same purpose,” she adds.
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