Woman Shares Texts from Ex-Husband as They Try to Navigate Split Custody — and Their Messages Go Viral (Exclusive)
Courtany Dobson tells PEOPLE she was inspired to improve her relationship with her kids' father after befriending her current husband's ex-wife
Courtany Dobson
Courtany Dobson and her ex-husband John with their son.Courtany Dobson posted a TikTok showing the ways she and her ex-husband communicate while navigating split custody of their two kids
In their text exchanges, the couple discusses their kids' expenses and agendas in friendly and healthy ways, though Dobson tells PEOPLE they weren't always so amicable after their divorce
Dobson maintains the importance of putting the kids first after a breakup and making sure they're left out of any drama
Courtany Dobson and her ex-husband John are committed to putting their kids first — and they've got the texts to prove it.
Despite their split four years ago, Dobson and John have no issue keeping up friendly communication while co-parenting their daughter Harleigh, 11, and son Hudson, 6. Dobson took to TikTok to showcase some of her amicable text exchanges with John as they navigate split custody of their two children.
The messages mainly focus on the kids' wellbeing. The exes didn't fight when Dobson requested money from John to split some of Harleigh and Hudson's expenses. In a separate screenshot, John offered to "pack [Hudson's] lunch and have his school stuff ready" if Dobson could stop by before dropping their son at school. Another text starts with John wishing his ex-wife a happy Mother's Day.
Dobson tells PEOPLE she and John only spend time together in person on special occasions for their kids. At school events, the whole family arrives as a group and makes sure to sit together. Last year, the duo teamed up to celebrate their kids' special days, collaborations which Dobson believes went a long way.
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
"We were able to throw both kids' birthday parties together, and let me just say our kids will forever cherish us both being there on their birthdays," the Washington State-based mom says.
Both Dobson and John are now in new "happy, healthy" relationships. Dobson has become a "bonus mom" to two stepchildren, and she tells PEOPLE she's actually become great friends with her current husband's ex. Dobson says she and her stepkids' mom "do everything together," including holiday and birthday celebrations, vacations and just hanging out one-on-one.
Courtany Dobson
Courtany Dobson and her ex-husband John with their son."My relationship with her inspired me to try really hard with my kids' dad," adds Dobson.
Their post-divorce relationship might actually be considered unusually civil, especially since it was established without much legal interference at all, as Dobson explained in the caption of her now-viral TikTok showcasing some of her text exchanges with John.
"We didn't go to court. We didn't let strangers decide when our kids could see one another. We don't do child support," she wrote alongside the video. "We pick up the slack when the other parent needs it. We help each other out. Most importantly, our kids are thriving and we give them our absolute all."
Courtany Dobson
Courtany Dobson and her ex-husband John with their two kids.Dobson tells PEOPLE she was the one who nixed suggestions of arranging consistent financial support from her ex.
"When we got our divorce I was so far down in the marriage I just wanted out," she recalls. "I told him I just wanted done. I didn’t want spousal support or child support, and he just said okay."
Instead, the parents split everything evenly. Dobson says she usually buys the kids clothing, so she'll send her husband receipts and he reimburses her for half. The same applies to medical appointments, school-related purchases, special outings and the like.
With their established payment routine, consistent custody schedule and impressively easy communication skills, the couple rarely runs into conflicts these days. But their interactions weren't always so simple. Though they never took any of their issues to court, Dobson recalls their fights and "ugly words" exchanged just after the divorce.
Even then, the kids came first: the exes managed to keep their son and daughter out of any bitter disputes.
Courtany Dobson
Courtany Dobson's ex-husband John with their son.Related: Couple Marries After Both Losing Spouses to Cancer, Then Welcomes 'Unexpected Miracle' (Exclusive)
"Our words to each other have changed drastically over the years. We use to never even be able to have conversations but now it’s much different. We were definitely not friendly like this after our divorce. It took a while to get to this point," Dobson admits.
Still, she notes that their anger was contained: "If you were to ask our kids though, they would say we’ve always been nice to each other because we never showed them that side of us."
Inside of continuing to "hide" their unkind interactions, they decided to conduct themselves the way they'd want Harleigh and Hudson to see them. Dobson and John made a conscious effort to put their kids' wellbeing above the drama of divorce.
"Truthfully the only reason we have respect for each other is because our kids," Dobson tells PEOPLE. "We just want them to thrive in happy and healthy homes."
When the former couple senses an argument afoot, Dobson says they "just have to remind ourselves why we are doing this."
"I think it’s super important to remember your children did not ask for the divorce," she advises. "So don’t drag them through a messy situation."
For more People news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!
Read the original article on People.
