This Woman Started a Money Club with Her Girlfriends—and You Should, Too
Stephanie Gabel Zepeda, a former marriage and family therapist in Houston, doesn't shy away from asking people personal questions. But after years of talking to couples about their conflicts and struggles, Stephanie had a startling realization: Most of her clients were more comfortable revealing intimate details about their love lives than talking about money.
In particular, she found that women often weren't confident discussing big money decisions, like investing for retirement or starting a child's college fund, with their partners-or anyone else.
"Growing up, girls get the message that it's a man's job to handle money," says Stephanie, 32, who is now assistant professor of marriage and family therapy at Our Lady of the Lake University in Houston.
In 2014, Stephanie decided she could help change that mentality, at least in her own family. She invited her female relatives, from her grandmother to her college-age cousins, to a financial happy hour at a local bar. "Ladies only!" the email invitation stressed. Stephanie wanted to create a safe space for women in her family to speak freely about their finances and learn from one another.
"Growing up, I got the message that only men handle money. I want to change that."
Five women showed up: one of her sisters, two sisters-in-law, her stepmother, and her step-grandmother. "Everyone brought their own unique relationship with money," says Stephanie. Over cocktails and finger foods, Stephanie kicked off the meeting by asking the group to share their life goals and to discuss whether they were saving and investing enough to make them happen.
Stephanie's step-grandmother, Joyce Housely, offered a story about her frugal beginnings in rural Mississippi. Joyce and her husband, Olen, who died in 2016, had spent so many years just trying to make ends meet that they hadn't started saving or investing for retirement until they were in their 40s. As a result, Joyce was left with less retirement savings than she could have had. That night, she urged her granddaughters to start saving as soon as possible. "Hearing Joyce's story was a great reminder about the importance of retirement savings," says Stephanie.
Her sister-in-law, Lee Gabel, agrees. Before the happy hour, she had never really thought seriously about money. In fact, she hadn't even known much about her fiancé Joe's finances until they got engaged, she told the group.
"I realized that my husband and I have different financial philosophies," says Lee, 32. She considers herself a saver, while Joe is more of a spender: "We had to figure out how to get on the same page."
Stephanie nodded as her relatives shared their stories. She had heard so many similar tales in her marriage counseling sessions that she'd actually started incorporating financial therapy into her practice.
"Money shouldn't be a taboo topic."
That first night, Stephanie confessed a money blunder of her own. As she was growing up, her father, a doctor, had stressed saving money above all else. It had never occurred to her that money should go anywhere other than the bank. Then, in graduate school, she'd gotten some bad financial advice and invested in high-fee mutual funds. "I was naive," Stephanie admits. Luckily, she was able to get back on track after sitting down with a financial planner. Also, she and her husband began maxing out their retirement contributions.
Over the years, the women have continued to meet periodically to talk about saving, investing, and budgeting. Often they pick a specific topic to discuss, such as how a credit score works or how to start a kid's college fund.
The women agree that the biggest benefit of the meetings is the boost in confidence they've provided. "I've learned to trust myself as an earner and a saver," says Lee, who is now investing regularly for retirement and raising a son on just a teacher's salary while her husband finishes his law degree.
Stephanie continues to lead the meetings, and she's looking further down the line. "It's fun to imagine 40 years from now," she says. "We'll all have our retirement money and be able to travel together, because we're taking care of business now."
How to start a family money club:
Start your meeting by asking each person to answer these questions, Stephanie suggests. Once you establish everyone's goals and struggles, you can work together to figure out next steps.
What are your life goals?
How much money do you need to make your goals a reality?
Who's better with finances: you or your partner?
Are you investing? If yes, how much are you paying in fees? If not, why not?
Where are you getting your advice?
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