Emily Christine was eight weeks pregnant when she and her husband, Dylan, went to see her doctor for an ultrasound. She remembered having to “pee so badly,” but was advised to wait until after the ultrasound, because it would make it easier to see the baby on a full bladder.
She was so excited when the images began to appear on the screen — this was a day that she and Dylan had been yearning for for more than a year.
But Emily quickly realized that the images were very different from the hundreds of ‘#8weeks’ ultrasound photos she’s searched for across social media to get an idea of what her baby would look like.
Something was wrong.
“I saw nothing because my body was just hours away from miscarrying,” Emily wrote in a heartbreaking Facebook post that has been liked by well over 24,000 people and received over 31,000 shares.
“My ultrasound tech was quiet and I just knew.”
Dylan assured her that everything would be fine, but she knew it wasn’t right, and it wasn’t.
“I remember being afraid to cry. I didn’t feel as if I deserved to cry because ‘I wasn’t that far along,’ and ‘this happens all the time.’ I remember holding back the tears with every ounce of my being and not being able to look my husband in the face because I knew his pain would break me.”
She was sent home to let her body naturally run its course, and it did. Emily describes it as feeling everything, but having nothing to show for it.
“My doctor didn’t let me leave without warning and she was right about everything. But what she didn’t warn me about was everything that would happen after the initial heartbreak and pain.”
“She didn’t tell me I was going to be reminded for weeks to come because my body was going to take that long to ‘clean out.’
“She didn’t tell me I was going to have to watch my husband weep.
“She didn’t tell me how hard it was going to be to tell my mom what had happened.
“She didn’t tell me that my body was going to continue thinking it was pregnant for weeks to come.
“She didn’t tell me how hard it was going be to tell people I was fine when I wasn’t.
“She didn’t tell me that this was going to make me a jealous person overnight.
“She didn’t tell me how much harder the question ‘When are you having kids?’ was going to be. And she didn’t tell me that it was going to be so hard losing someone I had never met.”
But her doctor did tell her it was OK to cry, and just as importantly, that she wasn’t alone. There’s about a one in five chance of a woman having an early miscarriage, while 80 per cent of miscarriages occur in the first trimester. Even with these stats, Emily wrote that she still felt alone “because no one talks about it.”
It was only after speaking about her ordeal with family and friends that she slowly came to the realization that she wasn’t alone — that others have experienced the same heartbreak and pain that she went through.
“People may wonder why I choose to talk about this after months have passed, but it’s the harsh reality that time really doesn’t heal all wounds so I am hoping sharing my story will help with the healing process,” she poignantly adds, before encouraging others to share it if it touched them. “I am not looking for pity and I am not looking for answers. I am sharing this so that maybe one less woman will feel alone and use this as a reminder or message that there is hope after this heartbreak.”
Thousands of women have since shared their heartbreaking stories of loss on Emily’s post. You can follow more of Emily’s journey here.
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