150 corny Halloween jokes both kids and adults will love this spooky season
As the leaves begin to change and a crisp autumn chill courses through the air, it's time to break out the spooky decorations and prepare your costumes. Make sure you've got both tricks and treats – after all, what's Halloween without a few laughs?
Whether you want to include a witty caption for your Instagram photo or keep a few jokes up your sleeve for trick-or-treaters, we've got plenty of spooky side ticklers to choose from. Here's an extensive list of the funniest puns, one-liners and knock-knock jokes for October that'll help you put the "ha" in Halloween.
Halloween witch jokes
What happened to the badly behaved witch at school? She was ex-spelled.
Why don’t witches wear flat caps? There’s no point in it.
What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire? A very witch person.
Why do witches fly on broomsticks? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why is a witch like a candle? They’re both wicked to the core.
Have you seen the twin witches? I can’t tell witch is witch!
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke? She witch-hiked home.
What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
What do you call two witches in a haunted house? Broommates.
What do you call a witch that lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
What do you learn at witch school? Spelling.
Why couldn’t the little witch read her spellbook? It was written in curse-ive.
What does a witch like to read in the newspaper? Her horror scope.
What sound do witches’ cereals make? Snap, cackle and pop.
Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags-to-witches story.
How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
What does a young witch use to bake? An easy-bake coven.
What do you call a witch’s spotless garage? A broom closet.
What do witches’ cats eat for breakfast? Mice crispies.
Halloween skeleton jokes
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the party? He had no body to dance with.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He could feel it in his bones.
Why don't skeletons play music at church? They don’t have any organs.
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
What type of art do skeletons like? Skulltures.
What do skeletons say before eating? "Bone appetite."
What instruments do skeletons play? Trom-bone.
Why did the skeleton quit playing football? His heart wasn’t in it.
What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend? Will you marrow me?
Did you hear about the skeleton who went to the hospital? He ate a jawbreaker.
What do you give a skeleton who is trick-or-treating? Spare ribs.
Why don’t skeletons like to go out in the winter? The cold goes right through them.
How does an angry skeleton confront his friend? I’ve got a bone to pick with you!
Why did the skeleton climb a tree? A dog was after his bones.
Why didn’t the skeleton use a towel after he took a shower? He was already bone-dry.
Halloween ghost jokes
What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice scream.
What did they say about the girl who married a ghost? I don’t know what possessed her!
What did ghosts drink at the party? Ghoul-aid.
Who protects the shores where spirits live? The Ghost Guard.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? He didn’t have a haunting license.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Anyone he could dig up.
What’s a ghost’s favorite vacation spot? Lake Eerie.
What medicine do ghosts take when they have a cold? Coffin drops.
Why are ghosts cowards? They’ve got no guts.
What’s a ghost’s favorite song? America the Boo-tiful.
What’s a ghost’s favorite kind of street? A dead end.
What do baby ghosts drink? Evaporated milk.
Why did the ghost cross the road? To get to “The Other Side.”
How do ghosts stay fit? They keep up with regular exorcise.
Why aren’t ghosts popular at parties? They’re not much to look at.
What is a little ghost’s favorite toy? Boo-merangs.
What is a ghost’s favorite fairytale? Sleeping Boo-ty.
What is one room you won’t find in a ghost’s house? A living room.
Why did the ghost go to the doctor? To get a booster shot.
What did the ghost say when it fell? I got a boo boo.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? Ma-scare-a.
When do ghosts like to go trick or treating? In the moaning.
How do ghosts do their makeup? They use vanishing cream.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work? Day-scare.
What is a ghost’s favorite ride? A roller ghost-er.
How does a ghost sneeze? Ah, ah, ah BOO!
Halloween vampire jokes
What kind of lock does Dracula have on his door? A dead bolt.
What is a vampire’s favorite soup? Scream of tomato.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
Did you hear about the vampire who needed glasses? It was blind as a bat.
Why did the vampire become an actor? He wanted a part he could really sink his teeth into.
What is a vampire’s favorite candy? A sucker.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? He had bat breath.
How do vampires flirt? They bat their eyes.
What is a vampire’s favorite song? Another one bites the dust.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire? It’s a pain in the neck.
Why are vampires like dentures? They come out at night.
What is a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.
Why are vampires easily fooled? They’re born suckers.
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.
Halloween monster jokes
What is a monster’s favorite snack food? Ghoul Scout cookies.
Where do werewolves buy their candy for trick-or-treaters? A were-house.
How do monsters like their eggs? Terri-fried.
Did you hear about the werewolf party? It was a howling success.
What kind of vehicle does Frankenstein drive? A monster truck.
What do mummies listen to on Halloween? Wrap music.
Why doesn’t anyone tell mummy jokes? They get a bad wrap.
What kind of coffee do mummies drink? De-coffin-ated.
Why don’t mummies have hobbies? They’re too wrapped up in work.
What is a mummy’s favorite rock band? The Grateful Dead.
Why was the mummy sent to jail? He ran a pyramid scheme.
What is the dead’s favorite card game? Gin Mummy.
Where do monsters go for a hike? Death Valley.
What type of monster loves to dance? The boogeyman.
What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it's ripe.
What do monsters eat with their sandwiches? Ghoulslaw.
What is a monster’s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.
Halloween Zombie jokes
How do zombies serve their country? In the Marine Corpse.
Who won the zombie war? Nobody, it was a dead tie!
Why did the zombie cross the road? He wanted to eat the chicken.
Where do zombies go on cruises? The Dead-iterranean Sea!
Why did the zombie stop eating breakfast? He didn’t want to be a cereal killer.
Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
How do zombies study for tests? They eat lots of brain food.
What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman? Frostbite.
What does it take to become a zombie? Dead-ication.
What is black, white and dead all over? A zombie in a tuxedo.
What is the safest place to be in a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
What did the zombie say to his date? I love a woman with brains.
How did the zombie greet his date? I’m dying to meet you.
Why are zombies never arrested? They can never be taken alive.
What is a zombie sleepover called? A mass grave.
Why did the zombie eat an archer? It wanted the bone and marrow.
What’s a zombie’s favorite type of bean? A human bean.
What is a zombie’s favorite language? Latin, because it’s a dead language.
What shampoo do zombies use? Head and shoulders.
What is the worst animal to run into during a zombie apocalypse? A dead one.
A lawyer, a doctor and a zombie walked into a bar. Three zombies walked out.
Pumpkin jokes
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
Where do pumpkins hold meetings? In the gourdroom.
How do pumpkins listen to music? On vine-yl.
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
What do you call an athletic pumpkin? A jock-o-lantern.
How do you repair a broken jack-o-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
How do you use a pumpkin to summon ghosts? With a Ouija gourd.
What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
What’s a pumpkin’s favorite movie? "Pulp Fiction."
What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd.
Who helped the pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
Why was the jack-o-lantern so forgetful? Because he’s empty-headed!
Other spooky jokes
Why did the scarecrow fail as a stand-up comedian? All his jokes were corny.
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field.
Who runs the haunted house for scarecrows? The first little pig.
What kind of bear has no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do you call a cow that can’t moo? A Milk Dud.
What do you call two married spiders? The newly webs.
Why do spiders make good baseball players? They know how to catch flies.
What kind of TV would you find in a haunted house? A wide-scream one.
Why did they keep a fence around the graveyard? Because everyone was dying to get in.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
Who’s in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
Halloween knock-knock jokes
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana suck your blood.
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! It’s almost Halloween.
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Philip. Philip who? Philip my bag with Halloween candy!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Aida. Aida who? Aida lot of candy and now my tummy hurts.
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are?
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Diane. Diane who? Diane to meet you!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Norway. Norway who? Norway I will leave until I get candy!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy cow jump over the moon?
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me.
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Eddie. Eddie who? Eddie body home? It’s Halloween!
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say zombie?
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Candy. Candy who? Candy door open any slower?
Knock-knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al give you a Kit Kat for a Milky Way.
More fall and Halloween stories for a fright-filled October
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What are fall colors? The science behind the changing autumn leaves
How many Friday the 13th movies are there? Start your marathon here
Where to find cheap Halloween costumes: Don't scare your wallet this spooky season
Get your decorations out: How to make a bubbling witch cauldron
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This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: 150 funny Halloween jokes for kids and adults
