20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Jan. 21-27)

Kelsey Borresen
·4 min read

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Whoever told my husband he was funny, come here. I just wanna talk.

— 📚🍄 L I Z 🍀🍓 (@LivedAHobbit) January 24, 2025 ">

hey my husband & I saw you and your
boyfriend from across the bar…we think u guys need couple’s therapy, here’s our therapist Emily’s number she rules

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 25, 2025 ">

My grown ass husband got up at 6:00am today to eat a bowl of ice cream. I feel like I'm supposed to stop this?

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 25, 2025 ">

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 23, 2025 ">

Sometimes my husband and I like to spice things up by switching positions on the couch.

— BOOP (@Pettyyyboop) January 25, 2025 ">

To everyone worried about the dangers of TikTok influencers on kids, please know that every day, a new YouTuber sets up an account and convinces someone’s husband that there’s no need to hire a plumber.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 25, 2025 ">

My husband hates it when restaurants sing “Happy Birthday,” so, naturally, I tell them it’s his birthday as soon as we walk in—whether it’s January or June. He’ll be celebrating turning 55 about sixteen times this year.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 27, 2025 ">

Is a snuggly little highland cow that just needs moo hugs all day really too much to ask for?

My husband: Yes.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 22, 2025 ">

[sitting at a table]

Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number

*thermostat negotiations*

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 24, 2025 ">

Got into my husband's car and he was blasting a podcast about the roman empire, like sir

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 27, 2025 ">

My husband has put a couple of watches on eBay. Which has made me really happy as I can now ask how many people are watching his watches several times a day.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 26, 2025 ">

Our wedding vows mentioned nothing about my mother-in-law staying with us as she recovers from knee surgery.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 26, 2025 ">

doctor: “we can’t bring your husband out of a coma. It’s already been 2 weeks.”

Me: “hang on I have an idea” [buys a truck without towing package]

Husband: [both eyes pop open]

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 27, 2025 ">

Any time I get exasperated with my husband, I imagine my 20-something-year-old self who vowed to be single forever laughs hysterically and says, "You chose this."

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) January 25, 2025 ">

Just waiting for the moment my husband rips off my mask, Scooby Doo style, and says, "See! I knew you were your mother!"

— et*ceTera (@notincharge7) January 23, 2025 ">

A cute thing I do is call my husband a bad Parker every time he pulls into a parking space

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 27, 2025 ">

Stepping in dog poop with bare feet isn’t so bad—especially when it’s my husband, and I get to watch.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 22, 2025 ">

Made my wife breakfast in bed this morning.... Well it was a half eaten strawberry Toaster Strudel I couldn’t finish ….. and who says romance is dead ?

— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) January 21, 2025 ">

Me: I read this really interesting study today--

Husband: just say you saw a video on TikTok.

Me: . . . so it's this creator I really trust.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 22, 2025 ">

It’s so cold my wife didn’t move away when I tried to cuddle with her.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 22, 2025 ">

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