20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Dec. 10-16)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.
Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
Me: Whatcha watching?
Wife: The Good Wife.
Me: Getting any pointers?
- why I'm sleeping on the couch tonight— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 12, 2024
Me: Whatcha watching?
Wife: The Good Wife.
Me: Getting any pointers?
- why I'm sleeping on the couch tonight
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 12, 2024 ">
Wife: The Good Wife.
Me: Getting any pointers?
- why I'm sleeping on the couch tonight
My husband and I want to figure out how strong our marriage is so we are going to Costco together.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 14, 2024
My husband and I want to figure out how strong our marriage is so we are going to Costco together.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 14, 2024 ">
I’m keeping the romance alive by gift wrapping my wife’s Christmas presents which she ordered from Amazon
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 15, 2024
I’m keeping the romance alive by gift wrapping my wife’s Christmas presents which she ordered from Amazon
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 15, 2024 ">
When my husband asks me at 4:30 p.m. if I can run an errand: Sorry, no, it's getting dark.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) December 10, 2024
When my husband asks me at 4:30 p.m. if I can run an errand: Sorry, no, it's getting dark.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) December 10, 2024 ">
Baby, why take you out for a coffee when I can make you some at home?
- Flirting with my wife, on a budget— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 16, 2024
Baby, why take you out for a coffee when I can make you some at home?
- Flirting with my wife, on a budget
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 16, 2024 ">
- Flirting with my wife, on a budget
My wife just bought a fanny pack and now she’s wearing it while cooking dinner so she can ‘get used to wearing it.’
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) December 16, 2024
My wife just bought a fanny pack and now she’s wearing it while cooking dinner so she can ‘get used to wearing it.’
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) December 16, 2024 ">
It’s funny how my husband always talks me into going out to eat on the days I say I’m making salad for dinner.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) December 16, 2024
It’s funny how my husband always talks me into going out to eat on the days I say I’m making salad for dinner.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) December 16, 2024 ">
my husband and i have an agreement where i get to listen to xmas music and he gets to suffer
— nika (@nikalamity) December 15, 2024
my husband and i have an agreement where i get to listen to xmas music and he gets to suffer
— nika (@nikalamity) December 15, 2024 ">
Wrapping the kids' presents, also known as three hours of my wife yelling OMG JUST GIVE IT TO ME I’LL DO IT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 16, 2024
Wrapping the kids' presents, also known as three hours of my wife yelling OMG JUST GIVE IT TO ME I’LL DO IT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 16, 2024 ">
My husband is in charge of the attorney bar party this year and I forgot to RSVP because I had a LOT going on and also it’s a given I will be there since he is in charge.
How about this man asks me, “What are your plans for tomorrow since you aren’t going to the bar party?”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 13, 2024
My husband is in charge of the attorney bar party this year and I forgot to RSVP because I had a LOT going on and also it’s a given I will be there since he is in charge.
How about this man asks me, “What are your plans for tomorrow since you aren’t going to the bar party?”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 13, 2024 ">
How about this man asks me, “What are your plans for tomorrow since you aren’t going to the bar party?”
Wife bought me a juicer and now I’m gonna get so many antioxidants inside me 😏
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) December 10, 2024
Wife bought me a juicer and now I’m gonna get so many antioxidants inside me 😏
— N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky 👻💉💊 (@DrSpooky_ER) December 10, 2024 ">
I needed to sneak some packages in, and my daughter—without a word from me—walked up to my husband and said, “So, what’s better: gas or charcoal grilling?” He’s still talking. I’ve never been prouder. She’s ready for marriage.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 11, 2024
I needed to sneak some packages in, and my daughter—without a word from me—walked up to my husband and said, “So, what’s better: gas or charcoal grilling?” He’s still talking. I’ve never been prouder. She’s ready for marriage.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 11, 2024 ">
"The least you can do is take me out to dinner."
"I don't go to dinner with married women."
"I'm you wife!!!"
"I don't make exceptions."— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) December 12, 2024
"The least you can do is take me out to dinner."
"I don't go to dinner with married women."
"I'm you wife!!!"
"I don't make exceptions."
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) December 12, 2024 ">
"I don't go to dinner with married women."
"I'm you wife!!!"
"I don't make exceptions."
Let's get married & have kids so instead of just dealing with the crushing responsibilities of adulthood we can also have nightly elf duty.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 11, 2024
Let's get married & have kids so instead of just dealing with the crushing responsibilities of adulthood we can also have nightly elf duty.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 11, 2024 ">
Watching a movie:
Me, “That’s the actor we saw on our honeymoon, remember?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s him!”
Husband, “No.”
Me, “Do you not remember the guy in the airport lounge?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s not him?”
Husband, “No.”
This is marriage. (He’s very wrong btw.)— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 15, 2024
Watching a movie:
Me, “That’s the actor we saw on our honeymoon, remember?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s him!”
Husband, “No.”
Me, “Do you not remember the guy in the airport lounge?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s not him?”
Husband, “No.”
This is marriage. (He’s very wrong btw.)
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 15, 2024 ">
Me, “That’s the actor we saw on our honeymoon, remember?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s him!”
Husband, “No.”
Me, “Do you not remember the guy in the airport lounge?”
Husband, “Yes.”
Me, “That’s not him?”
Husband, “No.”
This is marriage. (He’s very wrong btw.)
My wife is pretty easygoing but once in a while, just to mess with her, I'll hide a pea under the 4th mattress.
— The Fishpants (@thefishpants) December 16, 2024
My wife is pretty easygoing but once in a while, just to mess with her, I'll hide a pea under the 4th mattress.
— The Fishpants (@thefishpants) December 16, 2024 ">
Me: Do that thing I like.
Him: *orders wings*— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 11, 2024
Me: Do that thing I like.
Him: *orders wings*
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 11, 2024 ">
Him: *orders wings*
Husband at lunchtime: Shall I make..
Me: Yes.— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) December 13, 2024
Husband at lunchtime: Shall I make..
Me: Yes.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) December 13, 2024 ">
Me: Yes.
Me: Here’s an early Christmas gift!
Husband: I didn’t get you anything yet.
Me: Sure you did—your credit card picked it out, and it was very generous.— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 13, 2024
Me: Here’s an early Christmas gift!
Husband: I didn’t get you anything yet.
Me: Sure you did—your credit card picked it out, and it was very generous.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 13, 2024 ">
Husband: I didn’t get you anything yet.
Me: Sure you did—your credit card picked it out, and it was very generous.
I got my first gray hair, and my husband excitedly pointed it out. He's six years younger than me with plenty of gray hairs and a beard that's more white than it is brown, so I'm not sure what type of contest he thinks he won.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) December 13, 2024
