23 Jawdroppingly Honest Confessions From A "Diagnosed Nymphomaniac"
You've probably heard the term "nymphomaniac" thrown around before, but you might not really understand what it entails.
The nymphomaniac label is popularly applied to women who exhibit hypersexual behavior, but people of all genders can experience sex addiction or hypersexuality disorder. All of these terms can be used to describe people who engage in compulsive sexual behavior that has negative impacts on their lives.
Recently, on Reddit, a woman who is going through treatment for her compulsive sexual behavior invited other users to ask her anything they wanted about her experience, and it led to a really eye-opening conversation.
She kicked off the conversation by writing, "I'm a diagnosed nymphomaniac.
A little over a year ago, I (25F) began therapy and was diagnosed as a nymphomaniac. It's been a few days past the six-month mark of staying between the boundaries I've set up for myself (with great help from my therapist), and I decided to post this AMA both to allow myself to reflect on my situation and journey, thus far and to bring awareness to this situation."
Here are some of the most interesting questions and answers from her AMA thread:
1.Q: How many hours do you fantasize about sex daily?
A: There are days where there is almost nothing else on my mind (masturbating while driving, eating, etc.) and days where it's coming and going. There isn't an hour that passes without some sort of sexual thought going through my mind.
2.Q: How many times in a month on average did you hook up?
A: For most of my life, I had sex multiple times a week. I've always had several friends-with-benefits and/or a relationship.
3.Q: When did you realize that something about your behavior might be dysfunctional and what was the trigger to start therapy eventually?
A: It's hard to pinpoint an exact moment in which I realized something was off. I discovered and explored my sexuality at a young age and always just brushed it off with "I'm just sexually liberated" and other similar excuses.
I think I was around 22 or 23 when I started realizing something was off, but I was in denial about it and joked off about being "such a nympho" with friends and such.
I began therapy for a completely different reason. My mental health was going downhill after a very difficult year in which I lost my mom and my best friend in less than six months, and it has also caused my sex addiction to worsen (as well as alcohol and weed abuse), but I never saw sex as an addiction until my therapist pointed it out, then it was extremely obvious.
4.Q: What kind of harmful situations did you deal with before this realization?
A: The fact that I cheated on every relationship I ever had, neglected my duties and responsibilities to have sex or masturbate, slept with people I shouldn't have despite it being very obviously a bad decision, and went into unhinged rage when I was denied sex.
5.Q: Have you ever felt taken advantage of in the event that the men you had sex with knew you had this sort of issue and knew they could just have it whenever? I guess I am asking if you hold any ill will towards any of your previous partners.
A: This is a very interesting question, and I'm really glad you asked it.
I don't hold a grudge against any of them because, most of the time, it ended up with me being toxic and downright abusive when they couldn't keep up with me and have sex as often as I wanted. I was never taken advantage of because of it, besides one instance when a guy realized I had an issue and he used that to pass me around between his friends.
6.Q: How does this affect your life on a daily basis?
A: I've cheated on every relationship I've had, even when I really loved the guy and didn't want to be with anyone else. I've slacked in school, college, and work because I was either masturbating when I was supposed to be working/studying or just watching porn/flirting/sexting with people.
I've been late to work on a daily basis because I've started masturbating instead of leaving the house, only to panic when I'm done and rush to work, usually forgetting stuff.
I've ruined friendships because I've slept with my friends' boyfriends. My sister doesn't talk to me because I've been with her husband.
7.Q: Surely you thought of the consequences of sleeping with your sister’s husband? And he would have had to recognize that as well!
A: When I feel the urge, those thoughts don't come up.
8.Q: How does it feel when you get an urge to have sex or masturbate? Is it a hindrance, like, "Ugh, here we go again," or more of a blinding blackout moment where you're just enjoying yourself and only in the aftermath thinking, Oh no, I did it again?
A: It starts off as a hindrance and very quickly gets to a point where it clouds my judgment completely, and only in hindsight do I realize what I've done.
9.Q: How do you deal with the urges?
A: First of all, I've learned to distinguish "good urges" and "bad urges" because not all sexual urges are bad, and I don't intend to be celibate. Unlike alcohol/drug addiction, this isn't an addiction where I'm supposed to stay "sober" forever.
A lot of times I have these urges because of other things I'm going through, like stress, anxiety, depression, insecurities, etc., which lead me to cope via sex. When I realize my sexual urges come from these things, I first distance myself from my phone and any distractions. I do breathing exercises and reflect on what the deeper issue is, and I occupy myself with something else I like doing.
10.Q: Have you found any hobbies or other activities to channel this energy into that have helped?
A: Yes, I picked up mixed martial arts and began working out regularly, which helps.
11.Q: Do you take medicine to lower your libido ?
A: I don't take medicine for that but I've been on antidepressants that had that effect.
12.Q: What are the boundaries you’ve set for yourself?
A: The boundaries include: setting up a defined time for masturbation and only doing so at home, only having sex after I've taken a period to contemplate its possible effects on my life, ideally only within a romantic relationship, quitting porn completely. I'm also realizing what causes my sexual urges, as they often are caused due to other mental issues. I'm going through, and instead of rewarding myself by acting on said urges, trying to focus on the cause (anxiety, depression, insecurities, stress, etc.).
13.Q: Do you find that sex feels better after taking a break from the constant barrage of stimulation from sex and masturbation?
A: Yes, but I could never bring myself to take long breaks (two or three days is "long").
14.Q: Have you learned to have sex/sexual pleasure in a healthier way? What does that look like for you?
A: It's a work in progress. I've set up boundaries to distinguish sexual urges that come from unhealthy triggers and to have a better relationship with my sexuality, such as having a defined time for masturbation, contemplating the effects having sex with someone else might have on my life, respecting others' boundaries, etc.
15.Q: Do you think you will get to a point where you can have a healthy relationship that isn’t overcome by the negative things that have hurt previous relationships?
A: Yes, now that I'm aware of the problem and actively working on it, I believe I will. It takes time and a lot of hard work.
16.Q: So what will happen when you're in a committed relationship and sex is a natural part of it? If your partner has a relatively healthy libido but you have an addiction how is this going to work?
A: This is a challenge I will have to face when I'm ready. I can see myself relapsing and I'm working hard on my progress and will not put myself to that test before I'm ready. At the moment, I have a friend-with-benefits who is aware of my condition. We meet at defined times, and I work hard on combating my "bad urges" while allowing myself to enjoy sex.
17.Q: Is your condition related to a past trauma or just the way you're wired?
A: I wasn't sexually assaulted or had any trauma of this nature, but I was exposed to sex at a very young age in a very unhealthy way. My mom was a drug addict (and possibly a sex addict), and growing up, our house was a revolving door of men who she "dated." I've heard and seen a lot of it.
18.Q: Do you enjoy your sexual encounters or just do it for the sake of it?
A: I enjoy them, a lot. I love sex, and I know my body very well; I just wish to make my relationship with my sexuality healthier so it doesn't affect my life and mental health so badly.
19.Q: Are you able to cum really easily and often? Or do you consider yourself average in that regard? In other words, is the drive coming from orgasm pleasure or is it really not about that?
A: I can cum easily, to the point that if I edge myself enough, I can orgasm without physical touch (though it's minor and hard to achieve), and during sex/masturbation, I can orgasm over and over again.
This does not mean the drive comes from pure sexual pleasure. While sexual pleasure adds to it, it comes from things like anxiety, stress, insecurity, depression, etc.
20.Q: Does the fact you are a nymphomaniac and have done some pretty awful things feed into your anxiety/depression? Does it become a kind of endless feedback loop of depression, sex, depression, etc?
A: Of course. I would do bad shit because of my urges, feel bad later on because of it, and start getting depressed and anxious about it. It would spiral me out of control, and I would do more bad shit.
21.Q: Sorry if this is too personal, but how do you feel about yourself? Does your sex addiction get in the way of feeling okay or loving yourself? It is good that you’ve found help in therapy.
A: If you had asked me this over a year ago, I'd have said stuff like, "There is nothing wrong about me; if I was a guy, you wouldn't have shamed me. You would have called me a stud." Nowadays I recognize that I'm a sick woman and an addict. I love myself enough to help myself.
22.Q: Have you been able to repair any relationships now that you're trying to change?
A: Not really. I got some friends to talk to me again but they're still very cold and don't trust me. Most still refuse to see me. I'm working on it.
23.Q: is there any problematic language, thought processes, harmful misinformation or anything the like that people should look out for when speaking about this?
A: Well, yeah, basically most people pass it off as harmless fun — "Oh, you're exaggerating, everyone likes sex" type comments. Yeah, everyone likes sex, but not everyone lets it absolutely consume their life.
Can you relate to her experiences, or were you surprised by any of her responses to people's questions? Tell us what you think in the comments!
And if you've had a life experience that you'd like to answer questions about for a future BuzzFeed post, let me know in this anonymous Google form.
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