31 People Who Forgave Their Cheating Partners Are Revealing How Their Relationship Either Prevailed Or Derailed After Infidelity
Redditor u/Sudden_Wishbone8887 recently posed this question to the r/AskReddit community: "People who forgave their partner for cheating, how did that turn out?" The thread promptly filled with quite the array of cautionary tales, but it also featured some wholesome stories of overcoming hard times with the person you love. Here's what people shared:
1."I found out he had been on dating apps for most of our marriage. He said he was just seeking validation. I forgave him for our family. A bunch of other traumatic stuff happened, and he was unstable for a while, but we did counseling. I found out he was doing it again. Then, he fell in love with his therapist and tried to leave me for her (she said no and dropped him as a client). I tried again for our family. He kept trying to contact her even though she blocked him. I said I was leaving, but he convinced me he’d quit. He didn't. He didn't again. And again."
"Now I'm here, following through with a divorce while he claims I'm the one breaking up our family. He says he has changed with intense therapy. Maybe he has, but he'll never convince me. I'm out."
2."I'm sharing from a poly perspective since I think it gets misconstrued that cheating is not possible in that dynamic. My partner and I agreed that we would use protection with other people and regularly get tested so we could still enjoy condomless sex with each other. He hooked up with someone without protection and didn't tell me about said hookup or lack of protection until the other person reached out, saying they had an STI. We had sex after the hookup. He told me about the other person testing positive but said, 'It's alright because you're not having any symptoms, right?' Wrong. I noticed some irritation but chalked it up to a yeast infection. I was heartbroken. I forgave him. He continued to withhold the truth and downplay his poor decision-making. I regret not leaving him then and there."
3."I found out my partner was cheating when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2022. I forgave him, then found out he was still cheating with the same girl in October 2023, when I finished treatment. That was the end. In all honesty, hindsight is a bitch. I should never have let it go. Never again. I advise anyone going through something like that that you deserve better. If they were the kind of person to betray you like that, they don't deserve you."
4."I married her. It was hard for a bit, but we worked past it after MANY conversations and a good bit of time. It, strangely enough, was the catalyst for an improved sex life."
5."My husband cheated about three years ago. I'm not sure 'forgive' is the right word, but after kicking him out for six months, he worked to try and mend what was broken. Therapy, self-reflection, and time. Honestly, I feel like it's possible that the person who cheated can work hard to find out why they did what they did in the first place. No, the relationship isn't what it was; it is different, but different is not always bad. At least in my case, my husband's whole outlook has changed, and I now have a more active partner in the relationship. He's more of an in-tuned father and an active participant in the household. I believe change is possible if the person is willing to do the work."
6."I caught my husband cheating while I was pregnant. We tried to work things out for the kids, but it wasn't happening. A year or two after we split, my oldest, around 5 at the time, wanted us to get back together, so he made us sit in tiny kids' chairs (his understanding of the divorce was 'daddy lied and lying is bad') and made his dad apologize. I accepted the apology during this adorable mini-therapy session but explained that I would never have enough trust to be a family with him again. I think it was helpful closure for everyone and got us into a better position to coparent effectively. FYI, my son is 10 now and is well-adjusted and loved."
7."We ended up in a real, functional, open relationship for a while afterward. We broke up amicably because I wanted to move on to a monogamous relationship. The thing is, if a relationship is going to carry on and you actually want to move forward, you can't for all time hold it over them and be feeding your anxiety by looking for proof they're cheating or not. You have to be willing to put it behind you and move on. It's hard, and a lot of people can't do it. And if you can't, you must split up and move on."
8."I am the odd one out here, I know. Everything is great for us. She messed up. She was scared about me leaving her because we were young and trying to figure out our lives. She cheated at a work event and told me the next day. Was I crushed? 1000%. The person that I trusted more than anything killed part of me. Why did I give her a chance? Because I love her. I love making her smile — the same feeling I had when we were young. Was it easy? No. I have no problem saying this. I am strong mentally, physically, and emotionally. I know what kind of person I am and that humans mess up. I told no one to start. I dealt with it. A few years later, when my best friend had it happen to him, I shared our story. They are still together too…and very happy."
"Do I trust her? 1000%. She goes on work trips, and I don't think anything of it. I am not a jealous person. Never have been. I hate when that feeling even partly enters me. Has she ever cheated again? No. And she won't. She was disgusted with herself. She realized that she screwed up. The fact I didn't even think of running away blew her mind. She thought I was gone the moment she said it. Sobbing, she realized she ruined a great relationship due to her weakness.
Is it for everyone? Definitely not. I can tell you the amount of work we put into this relationship is tremendous. It's been close to 20 years. We have kids, dogs, and a future. I am very happy and still look forward to making her smile and laugh each day."
9."My brother-in-law cheated serially on his wife, and she forgave him. I watched it all with interest, thinking, 'I would be so done with the marriage if that were me.' But it wasn't me, at least not back then. About 18 years later, my husband had an affair, and while I was contemplating what to do (because when it happens, it's just not that simple), my BIL and his wife took me out to breakfast. 'It's been 18 years since [BIL] 's affair,' they told me, 'And it's still a daily current event in our marriage.' That decided it for me. No way was I going to live that kind of life. I left my husband without looking back."
"It was the start of everything good in my life. It turns out that when you don't have a father or a spouse who disparages you all the time, you can scrape together a little self-esteem. And a seed of self-esteem can grow into a mighty oak of confidence and security in yourself. Confidence and security lead to freedom in every way that matters. NOT forgiving my husband's affair changed my life for the better in every way."
10."I forgave him, but it's impossible to forget it and return to normal. The person I married is gone and was replaced by this new person with whom I need to build trust again. But I constantly overthink, question, and worry. He gets frustrated, although he claims to understand he is the reason it's happening. It's just not a good situation, and sometimes I wish I had handled it differently and just left. But we both committed to staying together and getting through it, and now we're raising our baby, so I need to keep trying."
11."I grew to hate him. He never (as far as I know) did it again, but I'd randomly look at him and feel this overwhelming sense of anger and disgust. It wasn't fair to either of us. I think I stayed because I wanted to 'win' and didn't want to feel like I wasted so much time in my life on that relationship, but I never returned to feeling the way I felt before I knew."
12."A family friend's wife cheated on him, and they've now been together for, I think, at least a decade post-cheating. By all accounts, they're very happy; they are involved with facilitating groups in marriage classes at church and are very open and honest about their relationship history, etc. People CAN make it work. It doesn't mean anyone should feel they must be guilted into staying, but it is possible."
13."He didn't physically cheat, but he did break my heart. I still can't move past it two and a half years later. Every single day, I think, 'What is better about her than me? Why did he do it?' I don't believe the reason he gave me. It makes me hate myself. We were only married a few weeks when it happened. Now, we don't live together but are planning on counseling. I love him so much but I don't know if I can repair this. If not, I can't live with this over my head for the rest of my life. My advice is not to forgive. Just leave while you can. Move on."
14."I've mostly gotten over it. I still ask him who he is texting, and I look at his phone from time to time, but I'm not sitting here crying about it with anxiety. We're happy, and he's my best friend, but I'm no longer foolish enough to think 'he would never do that to me.'"
15."He cheated while I was six months pregnant with our daughter. I was in college and had minimal support aside from him. I forgave him, but I quickly learned it was a mistake. He kept cheating and did the typical song and dance of projecting his actions onto me by accusing ME of cheating and becoming extremely controlling and manipulative. It took me three years to face that fact, another three years to get away from him, and then another three years going through court for sexual assault, harassment, mischief, and stalking charges. Ugh."
16."It turned out great for me! We've been together for four years now; the cheating happened after our first two and a half years. She went on a one-month trip for business in another country. When she came back, she told me that she kissed someone when drunk, and she only did that because she thought it was me for a second. She told me this while crying and feeling a lot of guilt. She really loves me and thought I would break up with her because of this. And the truth is, never for a moment did the thought of breaking up come into my mind. I love her with all my heart. We have a unique connection with each other. Never in my life would I give up on all that because of a drunk kiss."
"She was mature and bold enough to tell me in person. I know cheating can make the confidence you feel in your partner go to zero, but she opened her heart to me about how she felt doing that; it just made the bond even stronger. Sometimes, love is bigger than anything. I truly never thought I could forgive something like this until I started dating her and saw that true love is always worth staying and fighting for."
17."Both of my exes cheated on me. One was with my former friend, and the other was right in front of me at a party. I was extremely damaged for years after. I finally forgave them so I could be all there for my now-wife."
18."He cheated multiple times with a coworker. I forgave him but never trusted him again. Ultimately, we broke up because he spied on my personal conversations with friends (one of them was a man). He didn't trust ME. I was loyal/faithful to that man for 12 years, forgave his infidelity, and he didn't trust me. If your first instinct when you find out about the infidelity is to leave, LEAVE."
19."It wasn't full-on cheating, but I caught him sexting with another woman. I forgave him, and as far as I know, it hasn't happened since, but some small part of me still doesn't trust him or look at him the same. It's like the rose-colored glasses were suddenly ripped away."
20."I'm one of the outliers, I guess. It's been three years since it happened, and we're about to get married. We broke up for a while, went to individual therapy, talked a LOT, and dove down into all our deepest fears and needs. It took a long time to rebuild trust, but my partner did everything possible to help make that happen. It's changed how I react to conflict in situations. I jump to jealousy and anger much more quickly than I used to, but overall, we're in a very good place."
21."I found the texts where they made fun of how naive I was because I was away at college. He cried, and I said I'd forgive him, but I checked out that day. I never saw him the same again. I broke up with him six months later because he mentioned proposing, and I felt ill at the thought of marrying him. I have major attachment issues, no self-esteem, and some trust issues now. It builds character, that's for sure."
22."My then-fiancé (back to boyfriend now) had an emotional affair with one of his coworkers, and I fully believe nothing physically happened, but if not for our kid, I wouldn't have given him a second thought. I miss feeling secure in my relationship. I miss when I thought I was the only one he thought about. He's done plenty of groveling and apologizing, but the heartbreak never really goes away. I just couldn't bear to hear my daughter crying out for her dad and wanting us to be together, so I caved."
23."He cried for forgiveness, so I tried. It took time and a lot of therapy, but I forgave him. He kept cheating while slowly checking out of the relationship. He finally dumped me when it wasn't painful for him anymore and kicked me out of our home. 10/10 would not forgive again."
24."We tried to make it work for almost three years after he cheated. Well, no — I did the work in counseling; he didn't. He felt too much remorse to stay and said that he'd fallen out of love with me. Funny, he was with his coworker pretty fast, so I'm fairly certain he was cheating again, even just emotionally, before he asked to separate. It's all good. 20 years down the drain, but I did my work. I'm happier and a better version of myself. It just sucks I had to go through that to find myself."
25."I tried very hard. I thought I'd completely forgiven her, but those thoughts never seem to leave your head, no matter how much you tell yourself that you can move on. For their benefit, I think it's better to end things and start fresh, no matter how long it's been. You'll never treat them the same, and you'll never have the same amount of trust you had before. They will be miserable, leading to a reoccurrence or even worse."
26."I forgave him for cheating in the hopes of him finally treating me how I should be treated, but it didn't actually turn out that way. The cheating affected my self-esteem deeply, especially knowing now that one of my biggest triggers is not being chosen. I felt that by cheating, he had chosen the other girl over me. I stayed with him for a year and a half after, but not once during that time did I forget about the cheating or not think about it. It got to a point where I hated him because of all the negative emotions I'd had as a result. I dumped him after a year and a half."
27."Afterwards, I was convinced I trusted him as much as ever, and we were stronger than ever. A few years after all that, he went on a trip for a couple of weeks. When he returned, I was just numb. I had completely disconnected from the relationship and broke up with him. This came out of the blue and totally broke his heart. Turns out I had a delayed reaction to the original breach of trust. I've discovered since that this is very common."
28."There were definitely moments of happiness and feeling back to normal, but the relapses into paranoia and insecurity didn't seem like they'd ever fully come to an end. It was always in the back of my mind, and anything could trigger me. I started to find him extremely physically unattractive, and the one thing that initially drew me to him, his kindness, appeared to be a lie. Eventually, things became too dysfunctional, so we parted ways. He claimed he wanted me to heal on my own, and then we could try to reunite down the line, but I thought that idea was laughably selfish. I've since moved on to much greener pastures, and although I think my ex is still generally a nice guy, the idea that I was ever with him romantically makes my skin crawl."
29."We ended up breaking up for good seven years later. The things that drove him to cheat in the first place never got dealt with."
30."Surprise, surprise, he cheated again. So I dumped him, and he acted like HE was the victim/the one who'd been poorly treated. He kept looking for (and sometimes getting) sympathy from different people in our friend group. From my perspective, I was kind of relieved the relationship was over, so I could be on my own and figure out what I wanted moving forward."
31.And: "I'm the one who cheated and was forgiven. At the time, I didn't understand how my actions hurt her, but once we broke up, everything came crashing down on me. I felt lots of guilt. She contacted me and offered to rebuild our friendship. I was grateful for that alone, so I took it upon myself to do my best to improve. I sought her advice as she's very intelligent and knowledgeable about communication and psychology. Little by little, we grew closer once more until she trusted me to try a relationship again. We've been back together for a year today, and I couldn't be happier. She's helped me change so much. I'm a much different person than I used to be. I'm capable of expressing my love better. I care for her and make her feel loved and desired."
"Of course, there are a few times when she tells me she remembers what I did, and it makes her scared, but it always ends up working out. I'm just so grateful that she decided to give me another chance. I wouldn't have dared to ask. She did it out of her own volition. She's a beautiful diamond cut in the rough. I would do anything for her."
Have you ever forgiven (and/or taken back) a cheating partner? What happened? How did the relationship look after the indiscretion? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
