5 Signs You’ve Outgrown Your Therapist
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The irony of working with a truly great therapist is reaching a point where you don’t need them anymore. It’s normal to outgrow your therapist, as backward as it may sound, and it can even be a positive sign of personal progress that any supportive provider should hope for you, according to Patrice Le Goy, PhD, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based couples therapist.
“For my patients, the goal is for them to be empowered enough to use what they’ve learned and no longer ‘need’ me,” Dr. Le Goy tells SELF. In some cases, that involves taking a break from therapy altogether or perhaps switching to a practitioner who’s better qualified to address your latest concerns and preferences. “It’s also worth acknowledging that not everyone will outgrow their therapist,” Dr. Le Goy adds. “There are people who benefit more from working with the same professional for decades. This dynamic may just be a little less common.”
Still, it isn’t always obvious when you’re ready to move on. That’s why looking out for these subtle signs can help you reflect on whether (or when) you’ve “graduated” from your regular sessions.
1. You met the goals you started with.
Think back to why you started therapy. Maybe your motive was to overcome a particular phobia, say, or heal from a really bad breakup. “People often come in for a specific crisis they’re trying to address,” Dr. Le Goy explains. Once they’ve achieved their desired outcome—whether that’s being able to get on a plane without panicking or feeling emotionally prepared to date again—“they often feel ready to step away or ‘graduate' from their therapist.”
Of course, not everyone seeks help with a defined target in mind. “Some people simply value the stability of knowing every week, they can talk things through and process their thoughts,” Allison Lee Burgess, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based licensed therapist, tells SELF. “That’s why I like to do periodic reviews with my clients, to see if their original goals have been met or need to be adjusted.” If your own counselor isn’t as proactive? It’s totally fine to initiate a check-in yourself.
From there, it’s about figuring out if there’s still an opportunity to grow together—or it’s time to pivot and set new objectives that your current therapist may not be equipped to deal with. That brings us to our next point…
2. You need help with something your therapist doesn’t specialize in.
“No one therapist can do it all,” Burgess says. “I have my areas of expertise that I’m good at, but I certainly don’t consider myself an expert in every field.” So over time, it might make sense for you to transition to an individual with different qualifications if, for example, your current counselor helped you work through commitment issues—but now you need someone certified in EMDR therapy to unpack deeper trauma.
It could also be a matter of personal preference, Burgess adds: A new parent may feel more understood by a counselor who also has kids and can offer guidance from a place of lived experience. Or someone exploring their sexuality for the first time may want a judgment-free space provided by a practitioner who’s got lots of experience working with LGBTQ+ clients.
In scenarios like these, Burgess says that switching providers is simply a way to accommodate your shifting priorities: “As your life changes, so do your needs, and you’ll benefit the most from a therapist who ‘gets’ and understands this version of you.”
3. Your sessions feel more like repetitive, friendly catch-ups.
If your meetings start resembling casual (perhaps boring) check-ins more than meaningful conversations, it could mean you’ve successfully worked through the core issues that brought you to therapy in the first place, Annabelle Dortch, PsyD, a licensed psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, tells SELF.
Instead of processing conflict with your partner or finding better ways to manage anger, maybe the past few weeks have been filled with lighter updates—“Things are good,” “Yeah, work’s been fine,” “Not much to report.” These low-key catch-ups aren’t necessarily bad. In fact, there are still a ton of valid reasons to continue meeting up, even when there’s no major crisis at hand.
But also, it’s okay to crave deeper exploration and bigger challenges in therapy, in which case, Dr. Dortch points out that “repetitive positive conversations can be a sign you’re ready for the next level of growth.”
4. You haven’t been receiving any new takeaways.
A big draw of therapy is the opportunity to gain new tips or strategies—learning how to fight fairly in relationships, for instance, or cognitive techniques to handle constructive criticism. (Basically, skills a trained professional is best equipped to teach you.)
After making a ton of progress, however, you may notice a shift: Perhaps their guiding questions aren’t leading you to the same types of breakthroughs, or they’re walking you through the same three exercises. (Use “I” statements…check. Set boundaries…check. Reframe negative thoughts…check.) Instead of leaving your session with useful insight, you walk away thinking, I didn’t need this appointment today.
For the record, it’s possible that this just means “you’ve successfully internalized their advice and are applying it on your own,” Dr. Dortch says. That’s what good therapy is supposed to do: help you become self-sufficient. Once you’ve already achieved this level of self-awareness, though, she adds that it’s worth considering the future of your mental health journey. For some, it’s about continuing to put what they’ve learned into practice, while for others, it might mean moving on to an expert who can offer different approaches and skill sets you have yet to explore.
5. Your therapist recommends less frequent sessions—and it feels right.
After you’ve consistently put in the work, unpacked tough emotions, and seen the changes you were aiming for, your provider might suggest weaning from weekly to biweekly to maybe monthly check-ins. Or they may even propose a gradual exit plan to help you smoothly transition out—a telltale sign that your bond may have run its course.
“It doesn’t mean anything’s wrong, and it’s not something to take personally,” Dr. Le Goy explains. In fact, scaling back usually signals progress, not a setback. “It’s a hard conversation to have, but I discuss this early on when I’m confident my patient is ready to manage challenges on their own and move into a more independent phase of self-care.”
Whether you shift to occasional maintenance check-ins, switch providers, or step away from therapy altogether (more on that here), the choice is entirely yours—and any provider who truly has your best interest at heart should be happy to guide you toward a decision.
Graduating doesn’t mean goodbye for good, either. The good news is, even after you outgrow your therapist, you can always check back in whenever you need some extra support.
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Originally Appeared on Self
