At 74, I Don't Consider the Words "Old Lady" Derogatory
Robin Black
This week I wrote a story for Allure about the remarkable number of women over 50 (and 60 and 70) who garnered Golden Globe nominations and awards. I was astonished at the tsunami of negative comments received about the headline. In contrast with Big Dick Energy, I referred to “Old Lady Energy,” as in “Old Lady Energy Flexed Its Well-Toned Muscles at the Golden Globes.” This deeply offended hundreds of Instagram commenters. I guess it’s obvious why.
“'Old Lady?’ That is such a demeaning way to phrase this. Insulting actually. Please do better.”
“Legends, icons, grande dames… anything but old ladies. When did JD Vance start writing for Allure?”
“Old??? Are you really calling these Gorgeous women old?”
“Jesus Allure. Harsh.”
“Little intern kids energy kind of post…”
“Did a 12-year-old boy write this headline?”
“Old Lady Energy? Which bright spark thought of that headline?”
“Do better please. This headline is sooooo ageist.”
But after reading almost all of the comments—an activity I recommend to no one—I was pretty offended myself. It might be less obvious why, at least to those commenters who tried to shame me. I’m offended because I am old. In fact, I am an old lady (74). And those commenters were calling me out for describing their icons as members of my very own cohort, a cohort I am grateful to be part of and in which I’m proud to include the gifted, beautiful, ambitious, complicated, incandescent actresses I wrote about this week—Kathy Bates and Demi Moore and Tilda Swinton and Isabella Rossellini and a dozen more women. And I’d include Brooke Shields, too, whose new book, Brooke Shields Is Not Allowed to Get Old, came out just yesterday. (There it is again: the O-word.)
I doubt any of the people who wrote that I’d been insulting had considered that they might be insulting me. If “old lady” means something offensive to them—decrepit? frail? unfortunate?—that’s their problem. They might do well to meet a few of the old ladies I know—the old ladies who are backpacking solo around the world, writing best-selling novels, starting their own million-dollar businesses, grandmothering their grandchildren—to learn that people of all ages, whether eight or 80, have value. What’s ageist is considering the word “old” the worst kind of insult.
I would also say, to commenters who saw misogyny in my headline ("This writer would never say Old Man Energy"): Yes, in fact, I would say “Old Man Energy,” if male actors' careers were over after 50 the way their female counterparts historically have experienced. To me, that comparison isn't fair because the circumstances are completely different.
What’s ageist is considering the word “old” the worst kind of insult.
The legendary hairstylist Sam McKnight was one of the commenters on my story this week, writing graciously in response to a beloved colleague who shared their offense at my headline. “Maybe it’s about de-taboo-ing that word,” he wrote. “I love being old, suits me better than being young, and am proud of it. I guess it’s all in the intention.”
And I guess social media assumes the worst of intentions. I recognize that many of the people sounding off in a comment section have not actually read the story that they are commenting on. If they had read this one, they would have known that it was a celebration of the power and complexity and radiance that comes with age. It was an expression of hope—hope that Hollywood is finally coming to recognize that middle-aged and older women are not completely robbed of their life force, their generativity, their creative juices at menopause.
Here’s what I would like to say to those people who believed I was being offensive by calling these women old: There is a gutter filled with dead ideas and rotting biases like misogyny and racism and ageism running all along the side streets and alleyways of our culture. Get your mind out of it.
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Originally Appeared on Allure
