8 Ideas for Shutting Down an Annoying Mansplainer at the Gym, From Women Who’ve Done It
Aladdin Color Inc/Getty Images/Amanda K Bailey
If you’ve ever worked out, you probably have encountered the dreaded fitness mansplainer. In fact, chances are pretty good that you (unfortunately) know him quite well: He’s the guy who simply can’t stop himself from offering unsolicited advice about everything from lifting technique to training habits—since he, of course, is the ultimate source of knowledge on all of that.
You can try warding off the mansplainer with a big pair of headphones and a don’t-talk-to-me glare. Or if you decide you want to say something back, we feel that too. We know it can be hard to respond the way you want to right at that very moment, which is why we tapped some fitness regulars to see their scripts on how they deal with it.
There’s really no right or wrong way to handle a mansplainer—it’s all about what feels good to you and lets you continue enjoying your workout. But for some inspo, check out these suggestions for shutting down that “one little tip” so you can get back to your routine.
1. Set firm boundaries—and enforce them.
“I was leading one of my vinyasa classes, demonstrating a lunge pose, when one of my new students came over without prompting. He proceeded to offer suggestions about adjusting my form, specifically my knee and body alignment. His tone made it seem like I was doing it wrong and he needed to provide guidance. I was completely caught off guard since I’ve been practicing yoga for over a decade (and am actually an instructor as well!).
Initially I thanked him politely for the feedback, and explained that my form aligned with my capabilities and goals for the sequence. But he kept insisting on his viewpoint—his unsolicited ‘advice’ was completely disrupting the energy for the class! So I had to firmly but politely remind him that as the instructor, I didn’t need adjustments from students. I wanted to set a clear boundary while still being respectful.”—Michelle Justice, yoga instructor and founder of NatureSoundRetreat in Los Angeles
2. Cut off their intended spiel from the get-go.
“I belong to a small gym, and one evening it was just me and another man in the weight room. I was using free weights for my shoulders, and the man walked over to me when I was done with my set, smiled, and asked, “Do you want a tip on how to do that exercise better?”
I smiled back, gave a look of consideration, simply said, “No,” and walked away. My younger self would have fallen for the trap of having my ‘not good enough’ button pushed. But it felt so good to say no—I’m just fine, and so are my lateral raises.”—Mary Kane, recreational weightlifter, Minneapolis
3. Do a little ’splaining right back.
“I’m in a learn-to-row class. The other day, I was the coxswain, meaning I was in the front of the boat, steering and coordinating. All of a sudden, a man in the class started explaining proper rowing technique to me. He said, ‘You have to look at the person in front of you, look at their back and their shoulders, so you can keep in sync with how they’re rowing.’
I was confused because it wasn’t like I was struggling—I wasn’t even rowing! And we literally are in the same class, started the same day, and have had all the same lessons. I wanted to project to him that I had no doubt about what I was doing, and therefore, there was no room for him to mansplain.
So I pretended he was asking for confirmation of what the instructor had told us. I said, ‘Yep, that’s right. That’s what they said.’ A little later, I gave him some advice back. I said, ‘Oh, another tip they gave us was that you should keep your hands loose and make sure your wrist is flat.’” —Becky Kuypers, LPC, mental skills coach at 26.2 Coaches in Chicago
4. Reply with a question.
“I often get approached by people who want to chat in the gym or offer me ‘better’ ways to do what I am doing. My polite response is often ‘Do you know what I’m training for?’ I play professional volleyball, am a strength coach, compete in figure competitions, and play golf. People can’t judge whether what I am doing is ‘wrong’ if they don’t have a clear understanding of my goals and the big picture.” —Jenny Liebl, certified personal trainer and exercise recovery specialist in Scottsdale, Arizona
5. Bring on the sarcasm if you’re feeling spicy.
“I was on a press trip to Italy, at the gym with another American writer. He told me, ‘no one uses those machines anymore’ and ‘you can’t lift the medicine ball, it’s too heavy. Women have less upper body strength.’ So I sarcastically asked him if he would carry my gym bag to the locker room for me because I was too weak to do it myself. His response was something like, ‘I’m just trying to help!” I scowled at him and walked away.” —Jen Billock-Hyden, freelance journalist and recreational weight lifter, Chicago
6. Use your expertise to correct them.
“I was recovering from shoulder surgery and at a point where I had to still put a lot of focus into my setup and mechanics. One day when I was benching, I was using a medium weight for me, and I set up into an arched position. Just as I’m unracking to do my set, I hear this guy say, ‘You shouldn’t be lifting like that—it’s much safer to flatten your back into the bench.’
My first thought was, ‘No one asked you, and you’re wrong,’ but as I had already unracked the barbell, I ignored him, stayed in my arched position, and finished my set. As he was still there watching me after my set, I sat up and said something like, ‘Thanks for your concern, but my setup was perfect for me.’ As a super geek, I think I might have even added, ‘It’s perfect for my goals of functional compound strength gains.’
He rolled his eyes at me. Since I was a regular at that gym and had never seen him before, I added, ‘But you trying to correct me—at the moment I unracked the bar—was actually distracting and could have been dangerous if I was a novice weightlifter.’ He rolled his eyes again and glared at me from time to time during the rest of my workout, but I never saw him at that gym again after that.
It took a lot of courage for me to speak up—and I’m not sure if I’d always be comfortable doing it again—but I’m glad I did, in that situation.” —Kelly Sadauckas, DPT, a physical therapist board-certified in both pelvic health and orthopedics in Driggs, Idaho
7. Stay true to your plan and goals…
“I’m a petite person, and men love to give gym advice when I’m lifting weights, especially when I’m squatting. Usually it’s some off-hand annoying comment about trying to ‘add weight’ to the bar or lift more. My way of handling that type of feedback is to say, ‘I’m not interested in hurting myself, but thanks for the feedback!’ Or I say, ‘I’m on a specific plan, so I’m not going to divert from that, but thanks anyway.’—Lindsey Hall, publicist and recreational weight lifter, Boulder, Colorado
8. …but if it escalates, let management handle it.
“I’m an amateur bodybuilder who has specific goals. The first time someone approaches me with unwanted fitness advice, I’m usually nice about it and say something like ‘Thanks, my coach and I have a plan, and I’m executing it.’
If they are persistent—as some people are—I will ask what their qualifications are to be giving advice. After they start mumbling something about whatever they think are qualifications, I say, ‘I only take advice from professionals who know what they’re talking about,’ put my headphones back on, and get back to work.
Sometimes there’s the one who thinks they know everything and won’t leave me alone. I walk away and report them to management. It’s a safety thing. One guy in particular kept giving unwanted advice and kept at it—I could hear him over my music. Eventually, I lost it. I told him exactly what I thought of him and his advice. I can’t remember my exact words, but I wasn’t nice. After that, no one gave me advice, and there were a few women who thanked me. I guess I wasn’t the only one.
No one should feel uncomfortable at the gym. It’s my happy place, and I think it should be everyone’s happy place, or at least a safe place.”—Kelly Burnett, amateur bodybuilder, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Interviews have been edited for length and clarity.
Related:
12 Benefits of Strength Training That Go Beyond Building Muscle
How to Feel Confident at the Gym When You’re Starting Out, According to 12 Larger-Bodied Exercisers
Originally Appeared on SELF
