This Vegetarian Couple Is Under Fire For Refusing To Serve Meat At Their Wedding, And People Aren't Sure Who's Wrong

Is choosing to not serve meat at your own wedding equal to forcing your lifestyle on others? Apparently this bride-to-be's family thinks so, and the debate this issue has sparked on the AITA subreddit is something else.

User SwimmingFew6861 has been left questioning what to do for her wedding menu after being criticized by her parents (who are footing the bill) for wanting to serve a vegetarian meal. Here's the story:

"My fiancé and I (both 30s) are getting married in a couple of months. We now need to finalize our menu choices for our guests. Now, we are vegetarian."

"In general, we are pretty relaxed vegetarians. If we go out, we totally don't mind if our friends/family choose meat or fish to eat, same if we visit family. As long as there is a veggie option, then great."

"Now back to the wedding. On looking at the choices, and given it's our day, we thought it would be nice to have a fully vegetarian menu. My (32, female) parents are paying for the meal and have been absolutely stunned by this choice."

"They say it's disrespectful to people who aren't in the vegetarian culture, and also disrespectful to our own values in terms of ensuring our friends have a nice time. They say it's forcing our ethics on other people."

"My viewpoint is: It is one meal only, on our day, where I'm sure it will be delicious whatever they're served. None of our friends have ever complained when coming to our house for (vegetarian) food, but my parents say it's different at a wedding because people 'expect luxury food,' especially if they are traveling from abroad (many are), and apparently this needs to include meat."

"I am honestly Natalie Imbruglia-d (torn) on this. Personally I don't mind that much if our guests eat meat, but it is inconsistent with our own life choices, and it is our day, so that could make it feel inauthentic. And I think the whole focus-on-meat thing is quite generational (my parents are in their 60s)."

Many people in the comments were on the original poster's side, saying that she wasn't the asshole for her position on the issue.

"Not the asshole. Omnivores have all eaten plenty of vegetarian and even vegan meals without intending to. Had a bowl of cereal for breakfast? Bam — vegetarian meal," Reddit user owls_and_cardinals said. "It does not seem like it's pushing anything on anyone, anymore than ANY other food choice would be. If you offered chicken, would you be 'pushing chicken on to people?'" they added.

"This is being overly politicized and overly dramatized by the people around you. It's not even really a 'culture' is it? It's just a dietary practice/preference? Your parents may decide not to pay for the meal and that's their prerogative (though I'd consider it kind of shitty to withdraw financial support over this choice). But it's your day, and this is a very reasonable choice to make. This way, you can try or sample all the food on the menu and not be excluded from your own celebration," they concluded.

Another user, floridianoutofwater, agreed the bride was not the asshole, but pointed out a potential issue with vegetarian meals is that they may be a tricky option for guests that have food allergies or sensitivities.

"I would be mindful of letting people know what the option or options may be. It's one thing to have steak/chicken/fish with sides, where part of the meal may be inedible by a guest due to allergies (and easily left off by the caterers or avoided if buffet), but another to serve a beautiful vegetarian dish, which I find tend to have more of a blend of ingredients as the 'main' part of the dish, or an allergen more 'hidden' in the recipe than steak with potato and broccolini for example," they said.

Meanwhile, others disagreed and pointed out that the role of the parents in a wedding is not merely a generational thing, but can be a cultural one as well.

"This is a tricky question, because of cultural expectations and nuance," busyshrew said.

"You mention a lot of family coming from overseas. This is a BIG expense and hassle for many of them, and if they know your parents are paying for the meal, they may very well judge your PARENTS for being bad hosts. And then it's your mom and dad that get the flack. Not you. And that's kinda not fair," they continued.

"Normally, if a bride and groom are hosting their own wedding and most people are local (i.e. North American), then I would say not the asshole and go ahead. As you say, it's one meal, and vegetarian food is delicious, too. BUT, if you are layering different cultural traditions and norms on top, plus the fact that your parents are paying for part of your wedding, then I would gently suggest that you consider compromising. You mention that you are easygoing about your vegetarianism, so why make this a hill to die on?" they added.

"If you really want to have everything exactly your way, then pay for the entire wedding yourself, and that way your parents can't be blamed," they advised.

Others felt it was more important to be gracious hosts and considerate of their guests' preferences.

"Frankly I was on the original poster's side until the part about having guests flying from overseas which isn’t cheap," graceful_mango said.

"Yeah, the wedding is 'about the two of you,' and it is 'just one meal on one day,' but it should also be about being gracious to family and friends that you want to be a part of your new life together," they added.

"If possible, see if you can get your parents on board with finding a wedding caterer who tries to find sustainable meats or works with farms that are more ethical. Or something that can feel more aligned with your values while still providing a good family experience," they advised.

"You would be the asshole," MrDunworthy93 said. "Think of it this way: What do you expect, as a vegetarian, when you go to a carnivore's wedding? A vegetarian option."

"If they know you're vegetarian and don't provide one, leaving you to eat carrot sticks and cake, you're upset. Same goes for your wedding. Be the host you expect everyone else in your life to be! Provide a carnivore option, or at least fish, and you are playing by the same rules you expect everyone else to play by."

Personally, I feel that the couple’s preferences are not unreasonable as long as they're mindful of allergies, and so their decision should be respected by everyone, no matter who’s footing the bill, but I want to know what you think. Let us know in the comments below.