Are you socially fit? Why connecting with others — from romantic relationships to talking to strangers — is important for your health.
The new year is a good time to think about what you want to change in the months ahead. And, while plenty of people have the usual goals of trying to eat healthier, exercise more and drink less, others are focusing on being better at something many of us have never heard of before: social fitness.
In a nutshell, social fitness is about feeling more comfortable in social situations — and not canceling plans because you're too anxious about not knowing anyone at the party or walking away from a conversation worrying about something inappropriate you might have said.
It's something lawyer C.L. Mike Schmidt has been working on. Schmidt tells Yahoo Life that he’s “struggled with social interactions” for a long time. “The pandemic made it worse, honestly,” he says. “Spending so much time isolated only made it harder to jump back into group conversations.” To combat that, Schmidt has made an effort to get more comfortable starting casual conversations. “I’d say my comfort level has increased by about 40% in the last year,” he says.
Jeremy Ross, a publicist and public speaking coach at the Speaking Guild, tells Yahoo Life that he’s struggled with social anxiety for so long that he’s simply tried to learn to live with it. “Accepting that it's part of my life helps me to be reasonable with myself and my expectations,” he says.
Although there's a lot of buzz about social fitness on social media right now, it isn’t a phrase most people are familiar with. Here’s what you need to know about being socially fit.
What does social fitness look like?
There is no simple definition for social fitness, but the term is generally used to refer to having good social skills. “Social fitness includes a wide net of social interactions, from romantic relationships and friendships to engaging with acquaintances in a club or fitness class to saying hello to a stranger while waiting for your coffee,” Hillary Ammon, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, tells Yahoo Life.
Being socially fit means feeling comfortable navigating all of that — which often takes work, Aaron Brinen, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, tells Yahoo Life. “Traditionally, we think of social skills as something you either have or don’t have, but social skills are really like a muscle that we build up,” he says. “If you don’t use your social skills, they do get rusty.”
Working on social fitness involves flexing the skills involved in interacting with others, Brinen says. “We need to always be using them in order for our social skills to be successful,” he says.
Why is social fitness so valued now?
There’s been a lot of discussion and research in the health community about the importance of social interaction — and people are taking note, Dr. Gail Saltz, associate professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medicine, tells Yahoo Life.
“We have recognized through research and public education that being socially fit is incredibly valuable to our mood, health and life satisfaction,” she says. For example, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy stated in a 2023 report that loneliness and social isolation is linked to a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression and anxiety, and even dying early. On the flip side, Murthy’s report found that on average socially active people live longer, healthier lives.
The focus on social fitness can also be linked to the COVID-19 pandemic, Saltz says. “The pandemic and all the social isolation increased social anxiety, an impediment to social fitness,” she says. “When the pandemic ended, many people had developed so much social anxiety, the problem stayed around even though they could now see people.” Ammon agrees. “Most people were impacted socially in some way during or after the pandemic,” she says.
Brinen says that whether or not you struggle with social anxiety, many people have recognized the importance of socializing regularly and finding common ground with others. That’s especially important in the context of an intense, polarizing election year, he says. “People are just getting this sense that we’re tribal creatures. We’re recognizing that, whatever your political affiliation is, we need to survive together,” he says. “We’re starting to taste that connection again and we want more of it, which is healthy.”
How to work on your social fitness
The best way to work on your social fitness is to be as social as possible, Brinen says. There are plenty of ways to do that. “Go to a coffee shop, a place of worship or a bookstore,” he suggests. “Don’t eat lunch at your desk — eat lunch in the lunchroom.” Or, if you work from home, venture out to a cafe or park.
Spending quality time with a partner or making plans for an in-person get-together with friends can also help, Ammon says. “Social fitness can also include saying hi to a stranger at Costco or making small talk with a fellow customer while in line at Starbucks,” she says. “It may include joining a gardening club, going to story time at the local library with your kids or joining a gym. The biggest takeaway is that you have some type of social connection consistently.”
Brinen says it’s OK to feel nervous about socializing, especially if you’re rusty. “When we’re nervous, our instinct is to avoid something,” he says. “Don’t do that. Socialize over and over again. The more you do it, the easier it will be.”
