Bad Sisters' Sharon Horgan says she wishes she ended her marriage sooner

Laura Hampson and Marie-Claire Dorking
Updated ·6 min read
Bad Sisters star Sharon Horgan, pictured, who has opened up about her divorce. (Getty Images)
Bad Sisters star Sharon Horgan has opened up about divorce, explaining she wishes she'd ended her relationship sooner. (Getty Images)

Bad Sisters star Sharon Horgan has revealed she regrets not ending her marriage earlier as "it was so clear that it wasn't right for either of us".

The actor and writer, 54, who created hit shows Catastrophe, Motherland and Bad Sisters, married TV producer Jeremy Rainbird in 2005 and the couple had two daughters together before deciding to divorce in 2019.

Horgan, 54, told the podcast How To Fail With Elizabeth Day that she was "angry" at herself not for the divorce itself, but for the couple staying together for a long time despite the relationship not working.

"I guess it was one of those things that was a long time coming," she said. "I feel like it's weirdly connected to confidence as well, or also that thing of what you should do versus what your body tells you and your brain tells you that you ought to do," she explained.

"It's like the Catastrophe story. We got together, we had a baby, and we made it work for a long time. We had another baby, and he was involved in the business. But there came a point where it was so clear that it wasn't right for either of us."

Horgan went on to hint that what held her back was the idea of not getting divorced. "You don't get divorced," she explained. "Just stay in it - it's so much harder to go through all that, to go through a divorce."

While she says she's "never been happier", she explained that she still feels "angry at myself".

"Not really for the failure of the marriage, but for not figuring it out earlier," she added. "It's so destructive. You get one life and that's an awful lot of time to spend on something that's not working. I don't know what kind of conditioning it is that got so in the way of what my instinct was, and what would have been good for everyone."

The creator went on to discuss how her daughters Sadhbh, 21, and Amer, 16, reacted to news of the separation. "It was more like how it impacted when we told the girls," she said. "I have this recurring image of my youngest daughter on her own crying. When she was crying with us we were able to talk and talk it out and explain how it was going to be, but she left and went into another room. That's going to stay with me forever.

"What I'd lost sight of was how important it was for them to see a working relationship, a healthy working relationship," she continued.

Man consoles upset woman on edge of bed. (Getty Images)
When asking for a divorce, don't jump in too soon with questions about the logistics, says our expert. (Getty Images)

Splitting up from a long-term partner is never an easy choice. So, how can you ever know whether it is the right decision for you and your partner?

Ask yourself: Is your relationship salvageable?

Before starting divorce proceedings, make sure your relationship has completely broken down instead of just going through a bad patch.

“A bad patch is usually driven by situational factors such as temporary pressure at work, the birth of a baby or temporary illness. These can be worked through with skilled and empathic communication,” Kate Daly, co-founder of online divorce services company amicable and host of The Divorce Podcast, previously told Yahoo UK.

"A complete breakdown in a relationship is more challenging to repair. It’s often based on more fundamental differences on a deeper values level or a breach of trust.”

Daly cites psychologist John Gottman’s model that identifies if a relationship is salvageable – in which he concluded that a relationship is unlikely to last if it is characterised by one of these four behaviours: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling.

"It’s probably best to seek professional help if these are features of your relationship," Daly says. "If you can’t overcome these issues, then it’s likely you’re headed for a divorce."

In some instances, divorce can be a mutual decision if you both feel that your relationship has run its course.

"This is particularly prevalent in longer marriages where issues may have been apparent for some time," Daly says.

"Where there is an acceptance of the breakdown then agreeing to divorce can be a relief and a decision that can be taken mutually. Recent changes in the law also mean that you can divorce each other (by making a joint application to divorce) rather than one person being the instigator."

Senior couple sitting in bed back to back in their bedroom. Concept of relationship difficulties.
Divorce is more likely to be a mutual decision for people in longer-term relationships with deep set problems. (Getty Images)

If you're the instigator of the split, then how you start the conversations about divorce often directly dictates how amicable you can make the separation.

"Never threaten divorce in the heat of the moment or during a row," Daly says. "This can fatally damage a relationship that could actually be repaired with some work."

She suggests taking time to consider whether the relationship is truly over and if it is, find a quiet time to tell your partner this is how you are feeling.

"Accept your partner is hearing this for the first time and will be shocked (even if you think it’s obvious there are problems)," she continues. "Remember you have been thinking about this for a while – they are in a different place emotionally and are likely to experience anger, denial and fear."

Daly recommends giving your partner space to process their emotions, keep the initial conversation short, but be prepared to revisit the conversation and answer their questions several times over.

"Don’t be tempted to wade in with discussions about how you’ll split money and property or where the children will live," she adds. "These are all important conversations but not for right now."

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